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MISS HARDCASTLE. Then it's a very merry place, I suppose?
MARLOW. Yes, as merry as cards, supper, wine, and old women can make

us.
MISS HARDCASTLE. And their agreeable Rattle, ha! ha! ha!

MARLOW. (Aside.) Egad! I don't quite like this chit. She looks
knowing, methinks. You laugh, child?

MISS HARDCASTLE. I can't but laugh, to think what time they all have
for minding their work or their family.

MARLOW. (Aside.) All's well; she don't laugh at me. (To her.) Do
you ever work, child?

MISS HARDCASTLE. Ay, sure. There's not a screen or quilt in the
whole house but what can bear witness to that.

MARLOW. Odso! then you must show me your embroidery" target="_blank" title="n.刺绣(品)">embroidery. I embroider and
draw patterns myself a little. If you want a judge of your work, you

must apply to me. (Seizing her hand.)
MISS HARDCASTLE. Ay, but the colours do not look well by candlelight.

You shall see all in the morning. (Struggling.)
MARLOW. And why not now, my angel? Such beauty fires beyond the

power of resistance.--Pshaw! the father here! My old luck: I never
nicked seven that I did not throw ames ace three times following.

[Exit MARLOW.]
Enter HARDCASTLE, who stands in surprise.

HARDCASTLE. So, madam. So, I find THIS is your MODEST lover. This is
your humbleadmirer, that kept his eyes fixed on the ground, and only

adored at humble distance. Kate, Kate, art thou not ashamed to deceive
your father so?

MISS HARDCASTLE. Never trust me, dear papa, but he's still the modest
man I first took him for; you'll be convinced of it as well as I.

HARDCASTLE. By the hand of my body, I believe his impudence is
infectious! Didn't I see him seize your hand? Didn't I see him haul

you about like a milkmaid? And now you talk of his respect and his
modesty, forsooth!

MISS HARDCASTLE. But if I shortlyconvince you of his modesty, that he
has only the faults that will pass off with time, and the virtues that

will improve with age, I hope you'll forgive him.
HARDCASTLE. The girl would actually make one run mad! I tell you,

I'll not be convinced. I am convinced. He has scarce been three hours
in the house, and he has already encroached on all my prerogatives.

You may like his impudence, and call it modesty; but my son-in-law,
madam, must have very different qualifications.

MISS HARDCASTLE. Sir, I ask but this night to convince you.
HARDCASTLE. You shall not have half the time, for I have thoughts of

turning him out this very hour.
MISS HARDCASTLE. Give me that hour then, and I hope to satisfy you.

HARDCASTLE. Well, an hour let it be then. But I'll have no trifling
with your father. All fair and open, do you mind me.

MISS HARDCASTLE. I hope, sir, you have ever found that I considered
your commands as my pride; for your kindness is such, that my duty as

yet has been inclination. [Exeunt.]
ACT THE FOURTH.

Enter HASTINGS and MISS NEVILLE.
HASTINGS. You surprise me; Sir Charles Marlow expected here this

night! Where have you had your information?
MISS NEVILLE. You may depend upon it. I just saw his letter to Mr.

Hardcastle, in which he tells him he intends setting out a few hours
after his son.

HASTINGS. Then, my Constance, all must be completed before he
arrives. He knows me; and should he find me here, would discover my

name, and perhaps my designs, to the rest of the family.
MISS NEVILLE. The jewels, I hope, are safe?

HASTINGS. Yes, yes, I have sent them to Marlow, who keeps the keys of
our baggage. In the mean time, I'll go to prepare matters for our

elopement. I have had the 'squire's promise of a fresh pair of horses;
and if I should not see him again, will write him further directions.

[Exit.]
MISS NEVILLE. Well! success attend you. In the mean time I'll go and

amuse my aunt with the old pretence of a violentpassion for my cousin.
[Exit.]

Enter MARLOW, followed by a Servant.
MARLOW. I wonder what Hastings could mean by sending me so valuable a

thing as a casket to keep for him, when he knows the only place I have
is the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door. Have you deposited the

casket with the landlady, as I ordered you? Have you put it into her
own hands?

SERVANT. Yes, your honour.
MARLOW. She said she'd keep it safe, did she?

SERVANT. Yes, she said she'd keep it safe enough; she asked me how I
came by it; and she said she had a great mind to make me give an

account of myself. [Exit Servant.]
MARLOW. Ha! ha! ha! They're safe, however. What an unaccountable set

of beings have we got amongst! This little bar-maid though runs in my
head most strangely, and drives out the absurdities of all the rest of

the family. She's mine, she must be mine, or I'm greatly mistaken.
Enter HASTINGS.

HASTINGS. Bless me! I quite forgot to tell her that I intended to
prepare at the bottom of the garden. Marlow here, and in spirits too!

MARLOW. Give me joy, George! Crown me, shadow me with laurels!
Well, George, after all, we modest fellows don't want for success

among the women.
HASTINGS. Some women, you mean. But what success has your honour's

modesty been crowned with now, that it grows so insolent upon us?
MARLOW. Didn't you see the tempting, brisk, lovely little thing, that

runs about the house with a bunch of keys to its girdle?
HASTINGS. Well, and what then?

MARLOW. She's mine, you rogue you. Such fire, such motion, such
eyes, such lips; but, egad! she would not let me kiss them though.

HASTINGS. But are you so sure, so very sure of her?
MARLOW. Why, man, she talked of showing me her work above stairs, and

I am to improve the pattern.
HASTINGS. But how can you, Charles, go about to rob a woman of her

honour?
MARLOW. Pshaw! pshaw! We all know the honour of the bar-maid of an

inn. I don't intend to rob her, take my word for it; there's nothing
in this house I shan't honestly pay for.

HASTINGS. I believe the girl has virtue.
MARLOW. And if she has, I should be the last man in the world that

would attempt to corrupt it.
HASTINGS. You have taken care, I hope, of the casket I sent you to

lock up? Is it in safety?
MARLOW. Yes, yes. It's safe enough. I have taken care of it. But

how could you think the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door a place of
safety? Ah! numskull! I have taken better precautions for you than

you did for yourself----I have----
HASTINGS. What?

MARLOW. I have sent it to the landlady to keep for you.
HASTINGS. To the landlady!

MARLOW. The landlady.
HASTINGS. You did?

MARLOW. I did. She's to be answerable for its forthcoming, you know.
HASTINGS. Yes, she'll bring it forth with a witness.

MARLOW. Wasn't I right? I believe you'll allow that I acted
prudently upon this occasion.

HASTINGS. (Aside.) He must not see my uneasiness.
MARLOW. You seem a little disconcerted though, methinks. Sure

nothing has happened?
HASTINGS. No, nothing. Never was in better spirits in all my life.

And so you left it with the landlady, who, no doubt, very readily
undertook the charge.

MARLOW. Rather too readily. For she not only kept the casket, but,
through her great precaution, was going to keep the messenger too. Ha!

ha! ha!
HASTINGS. He! he! he! They're safe, however.

MARLOW. As a guinea in a miser's purse.
HASTINGS. (Aside.) So now all hopes of fortune are at an end, and we

must set off without it. (To him.) Well, Charles, I'll leave you to
your meditations on the pretty bar-maid, and, he! he! he! may you be as

successful for yourself, as you have been for me! [Exit.]
MARLOW. Thank ye, George: I ask no more. Ha! ha! ha!

Enter HARDCASTLE.
HARDCASTLE. I no longer know my own house. It's turned all

topsy-turvy. His servants have got drunk already. I'll bear it no
longer; and yet, from my respect for his father, I'll be calm. (To

him.) Mr. Marlow, your servant. I'm your very humble servant.
(Bowing low.)

MARLOW. Sir, your humble servant. (Aside.) What's to be the wonder
now?

HARDCASTLE. I believe, sir, you must be sensible, sir, that no man
alive ought to be more welcome than your father's son, sir. I hope you

think so?
MARLOW. I do from my soul, sir. I don't want much entreaty. I

generally make my father's son welcomewherever he goes.
HARDCASTLE. I believe you do, from my soul, sir. But though I say

nothing to your own conduct, that of your servants is insufferable.
Their manner of drinking is setting a very bad example in this house,

I assure you.
MARLOW. I protest, my very good sir, that is no fault of mine. If

they don't drink as they ought, they are to blame. I ordered them not
to spare the cellar. I did, I assure you. (To the side scene.) Here,

let one of my servants come up. (To him.) My positive directions
were, that as I did not drink myself, they should make up for my

deficiencies below.
HARDCASTLE. Then they had your orders for what they do? I'm

satisfied!
MARLOW. They had, I assure you. You shall hear from one of

themselves.
Enter Servant, drunk.

MARLOW. You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah! What were my orders?
Were you not told to drink freely, and call for what you thought fit,

for the good of the house?
HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) I begin to lose my patience.

JEREMY. Please your honour, liberty and Fleet-street for ever!
Though I'm but a servant, I'm as good as another man. I'll drink for

no man before supper, sir, damme! Good liquor will sit upon a good
supper, but a good supper will not sit upon----hiccup----on my

conscience, sir.
MARLOW. You see, my old friend, the fellow is as drunk as he can

possibly be. I don't know what you'd have more, unless you'd have the
poor devil soused in a beer-barrel.

HARDCASTLE. Zounds! he'll drive me distracted, if I contain myself any
longer. Mr. Marlow--Sir; I have submitted to your insolence for more

than four hours, and I see no likelihood of its coming to an end. I'm
now resolved to be master here, sir; and I desire that you and your

drunken pack may leave my house directly.
MARLOW. Leave your house!----Sure you jest, my good friend! What?

when I'm doing what I can to please you.
HARDCASTLE. I tell you, sir, you don't please me; so I desire you'll

leave my house.
MARLOW. Sure you cannot be serious? At this time o' night, and such a

night? You only mean to banter me.
HARDCASTLE. I tell you, sir, I'm serious! and now that my passions are

roused, I say this house is mine, sir; this house is mine, and I
command you to leave it directly.

MARLOW. Ha! ha! ha! A puddle in a storm. I shan't stir a step, I
assure you. (In a serious tone.) This your house, fellow! It's my

house. This is my house. Mine, while I choose to stay. What right
have you to bid me leave this house, sir? I never met with such

impudence, curse me; never in my whole life before.
HARDCASTLE. Nor I, confound me if ever I did. To come to my house, to

call for what he likes, to turn me out of my own chair, to insult the
family, to order his servants to get drunk, and then to tell me, "This

house is mine, sir." By all that's impudent, it makes me laugh. Ha!


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