Give me leave to introduce Miss Constance Neville to your
acquaintance. Happening to dine in the neighbourhood, they called on
their return to take fresh horses here. Miss Hardcastle has just stept
into the next room, and will be back in an
instant. Wasn't it lucky?
eh!
MARLOW. (Aside.) I have been mortified enough of all
conscience, and
here comes something to complete my embarrassment.
HASTINGS. Well, but wasn't it the most
fortunate thing in the world?
MARLOW. Oh! yes. Very
fortunate--a most
joyful encounter--But our
dresses, George, you know are in
disorder--What if we should postpone
the happiness till to-morrow?--To-morrow at her own house--It will be
every bit as convenient--and rather more respectful--To-morrow let it
be. [Offering to go.]
MISS NEVILLE. By no means, sir. Your
ceremony will
displease her.
The
disorder of your dress will show the
ardour of your impatience.
Besides, she knows you are in the house, and will permit you to see
her.
MARLOW. O! the devil! how shall I support it? Hem! hem! Hastings,
you must not go. You are to
assist me, you know. I shall be
confoundedly
ridiculous. Yet, hang it! I'll take courage. Hem!
HASTINGS. Pshaw, man! it's but the first
plunge, and all's over.
She's but a woman, you know.
MARLOW. And, of all women, she that I dread most to encounter.
Enter MISS HARDCASTLE, as returned from walking, a
bonnet, etc.
HASTINGS. (Introducing them.) Miss Hardcastle, Mr. Marlow. I'm
proud of bringing two persons of such merit together, that only want to
know, to
esteem each other.
MISS HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) Now for meeting my
modest gentleman with a
demure face, and quite in his own manner. (After a pause, in which he
appears very
uneasy and disconcerted.) I'm glad of your safe arrival,
sir. I'm told you had some accidents by the way.
MARLOW. Only a few, madam. Yes, we had some. Yes, madam, a good many
accidents, but should be sorry--madam--or rather glad of any
accidents--that are so agreeably concluded. Hem!
HASTINGS. (To him.) You never spoke better in your whole life. Keep
it up, and I'll
insure you the victory.
MISS HARDCASTLE. I'm afraid you
flatter, sir. You that have seen so
much of the finest company, can find little
entertainment in an obscure
corner of the country.
MARLOW. (Gathering courage.) I have lived, indeed, in the world,
madam; but I have kept very little company. I have been but an
observer upon life, madam, while others were enjoying it.
MISS NEVILLE. But that, I am told, is the way to enjoy it at last.
HASTINGS. (To him.) Cicero never spoke better. Once more, and you
are confirmed in
assurance for ever.
MARLOW. (To him.) Hem! Stand by me, then, and when I'm down, throw
in a word or two, to set me up again.
MISS HARDCASTLE. An
observer, like you, upon life were, I fear,
disagreeably employed, since you must have had much more to censure
than to approve.
MARLOW. Pardon me, madam. I was always
willing to be amused. The
folly of most people is rather an object of mirth than uneasiness.
HASTINGS. (To him.) Bravo, bravo. Never spoke so well in your whole
life. Well, Miss Hardcastle, I see that you and Mr. Marlow are going
to be very good company. I believe our being here will but embarrass
the
interview.
MARLOW. Not in the least, Mr. Hastings. We like your company of all
things. (To him.) Zounds! George, sure you won't go? how can you
leave us?
HASTINGS. Our presence will but spoil conversation, so we'll
retire to
the next room. (To him.) You don't consider, man, that we are to
manage a little tete-a-tete of our own. [Exeunt.]
MISS HARDCASTLE. (after a pause). But you have not been
wholly an
observer, I
presume, sir: the ladies, I should hope, have employed some
part of your addresses.
MARLOW. (Relapsing into timidity.) Pardon me, madam, I--I--I--as yet
have studied--only--to--deserve them.
MISS HARDCASTLE. And that, some say, is the very worst way to obtain
them.
MARLOW. Perhaps so, madam. But I love to
converse only with the more
grave and
sensible part of the sex. But I'm afraid I grow tiresome.
MISS HARDCASTLE. Not at all, sir; there is nothing I like so much as
grave conversation myself; I could hear it for ever. Indeed, I have
often been surprised how a man of
sentiment could ever admire those
light airy pleasures, where nothing reaches the heart.
MARLOW. It's----a disease----of the mind, madam. In the
variety of
tastes there must be some who,
wanting a
relish----for----um--a--um.
MISS HARDCASTLE. I understand you, sir. There must be some, who,
wanting a
relish for
refined pleasures,
pretend to
despise what they
are
incapable of tasting.
MARLOW. My meaning, madam, but
infinitely better expressed. And I
can't help observing----a----
MISS HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) Who could ever suppose this fellow
impudent upon some occasions? (To him.) You were going to observe,
sir----
MARLOW. I was observing, madam--I protest, madam, I forget what I was
going to observe.
MISS HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) I vow and so do I. (To him.) You were
observing, sir, that in this age of
hypocrisy--something about
hypocrisy, sir.
MARLOW. Yes, madam. In this age of
hypocrisy there are few who upon
strict
inquiry do not--a--a--a--
MISS HARDCASTLE. I understand you
perfectly, sir.
MARLOW. (Aside.) Egad! and that's more than I do myself.
MISS HARDCASTLE. You mean that in this hypocritical age there are few
that do not
condemn in public what they
practise in private, and think
they pay every debt to
virtue when they praise it.
MARLOW. True, madam; those who have most
virtue in their mouths, have
least of it in their bosoms. But I'm sure I tire you, madam.
MISS HARDCASTLE. Not in the least, sir; there's something so
agreeable and spirited in your manner, such life and force--pray, sir,
go on.
MARLOW. Yes, madam. I was
saying----that there are some occasions,
when a total want of courage, madam, destroys all the----and puts
us----upon a--a--a--
MISS HARDCASTLE. I agree with you entirely; a want of courage upon
some occasions assumes the appearance of
ignorance, and betrays us when
we most want to excel. I beg you'll proceed.
MARLOW. Yes, madam. Morally
speaking, madam--But I see Miss Neville
expecting us in the next room. I would not
intrude for the world.
MISS HARDCASTLE. I protest, sir, I never was more agreeably
entertained in all my life. Pray go on.
MARLOW. Yes, madam, I was----But she beckons us to join her. Madam,
shall I do myself the honour to attend you?
MISS HARDCASTLE. Well, then, I'll follow.
MARLOW. (Aside.) This pretty smooth dialogue has done for me.
[Exit.]
MISS HARDCASTLE. (Alone.) Ha! ha! ha! Was there ever such a sober,
sentimental
interview? I'm certain he
scarce looked in my face the
whole time. Yet the fellow, but for his unaccountable bashfulness, is
pretty well too. He has good sense, but then so buried in his fears,
that it fatigues one more than
ignorance. If I could teach him a
little confidence, it would be doing somebody that I know of a piece of
service. But who is that somebody?--That, faith, is a question I can
scarce answer. [Exit.]
Enter TONY and MISS NEVILLE, followed by MRS. HARDCASTLE and HASTINGS.