MISS HARDCASTLE. Then it's a very merry place, I suppose?
MARLOW. Yes, as merry as cards, supper, wine, and old women can make
us.
MISS HARDCASTLE. And their
agreeable Rattle, ha! ha! ha!
MARLOW. (Aside.) Egad! I don't quite like this chit. She looks
knowing,
methinks. You laugh, child?
MISS HARDCASTLE. I can't but laugh, to think what time they all have
for minding their work or their family.
MARLOW. (Aside.) All's well; she don't laugh at me. (To her.) Do
you ever work, child?
MISS HARDCASTLE. Ay, sure. There's not a
screen or quilt in the
whole house but what can bear
witness to that.
MARLOW. Odso! then you must show me your
embroidery" target="_blank" title="n.刺绣(品)">
embroidery. I
embroider and
draw patterns myself a little. If you want a judge of your work, you
must apply to me. (Seizing her hand.)
MISS HARDCASTLE. Ay, but the colours do not look well by candlelight.
You shall see all in the morning. (Struggling.)
MARLOW. And why not now, my angel? Such beauty fires beyond the
power of resistance.--Pshaw! the father here! My old luck: I never
nicked seven that I did not throw ames ace three times following.
[Exit MARLOW.]
Enter HARDCASTLE, who stands in surprise.
HARDCASTLE. So, madam. So, I find THIS is your MODEST lover. This is
your
humbleadmirer, that kept his eyes fixed on the ground, and only
adored at
humble distance. Kate, Kate, art thou not
ashamed to deceive
your father so?
MISS HARDCASTLE. Never trust me, dear papa, but he's still the
modestman I first took him for; you'll be
convinced of it as well as I.
HARDCASTLE. By the hand of my body, I believe his impudence is
infectious! Didn't I see him seize your hand? Didn't I see him haul
you about like a
milkmaid? And now you talk of his respect and his
modesty, forsooth!
MISS HARDCASTLE. But if I
shortlyconvince you of his
modesty, that he
has only the faults that will pass off with time, and the virtues that
will improve with age, I hope you'll
forgive him.
HARDCASTLE. The girl would
actually make one run mad! I tell you,
I'll not be
convinced. I am
convinced. He has
scarce been three hours
in the house, and he has already encroached on all my prerogatives.
You may like his impudence, and call it
modesty; but my son-in-law,
madam, must have very different qualifications.
MISS HARDCASTLE. Sir, I ask but this night to
convince you.
HARDCASTLE. You shall not have half the time, for I have thoughts of
turning him out this very hour.
MISS HARDCASTLE. Give me that hour then, and I hope to satisfy you.
HARDCASTLE. Well, an hour let it be then. But I'll have no trifling
with your father. All fair and open, do you mind me.
MISS HARDCASTLE. I hope, sir, you have ever found that I considered
your commands as my pride; for your kindness is such, that my duty as
yet has been
inclination. [Exeunt.]
ACT THE FOURTH.
Enter HASTINGS and MISS NEVILLE.
HASTINGS. You surprise me; Sir Charles Marlow expected here this
night! Where have you had your information?
MISS NEVILLE. You may depend upon it. I just saw his letter to Mr.
Hardcastle, in which he tells him he intends
setting out a few hours
after his son.
HASTINGS. Then, my Constance, all must be completed before he
arrives. He knows me; and should he find me here, would discover my
name, and perhaps my designs, to the rest of the family.
MISS NEVILLE. The jewels, I hope, are safe?
HASTINGS. Yes, yes, I have sent them to Marlow, who keeps the keys of
our
baggage. In the mean time, I'll go to prepare matters for our
elopement. I have had the 'squire's promise of a fresh pair of horses;
and if I should not see him again, will write him further directions.
[Exit.]
MISS NEVILLE. Well! success attend you. In the mean time I'll go and
amuse my aunt with the old
pretence of a
violentpassion for my cousin.
[Exit.]
Enter MARLOW, followed by a Servant.
MARLOW. I wonder what Hastings could mean by sending me so
valuable a
thing as a
casket to keep for him, when he knows the only place I have
is the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door. Have you deposited the
casket with the
landlady, as I ordered you? Have you put it into her
own hands?
SERVANT. Yes, your honour.
MARLOW. She said she'd keep it safe, did she?
SERVANT. Yes, she said she'd keep it safe enough; she asked me how I
came by it; and she said she had a great mind to make me give an
account of myself. [Exit Servant.]
MARLOW. Ha! ha! ha! They're safe, however. What an unaccountable set
of beings have we got amongst! This little bar-maid though runs in my
head most
strangely, and drives out the absurdities of all the rest of
the family. She's mine, she must be mine, or I'm greatly mistaken.
Enter HASTINGS.
HASTINGS. Bless me! I quite forgot to tell her that I intended to
prepare at the bottom of the garden. Marlow here, and in spirits too!
MARLOW. Give me joy, George! Crown me, shadow me with laurels!
Well, George, after all, we
modest fellows don't want for success
among the women.
HASTINGS. Some women, you mean. But what success has your honour's
modesty been crowned with now, that it grows so
insolent upon us?
MARLOW. Didn't you see the
tempting, brisk, lovely little thing, that
runs about the house with a bunch of keys to its girdle?
HASTINGS. Well, and what then?
MARLOW. She's mine, you rogue you. Such fire, such
motion, such
eyes, such lips; but, egad! she would not let me kiss them though.
HASTINGS. But are you so sure, so very sure of her?
MARLOW. Why, man, she talked of showing me her work above stairs, and
I am to improve the pattern.
HASTINGS. But how can you, Charles, go about to rob a woman of her
honour?
MARLOW. Pshaw! pshaw! We all know the honour of the bar-maid of an
inn. I don't intend to rob her, take my word for it; there's nothing
in this house I shan't
honestly pay for.
HASTINGS. I believe the girl has virtue.
MARLOW. And if she has, I should be the last man in the world that
would attempt to
corrupt it.
HASTINGS. You have taken care, I hope, of the
casket I sent you to
lock up? Is it in safety?
MARLOW. Yes, yes. It's safe enough. I have taken care of it. But
how could you think the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door a place of
safety? Ah! numskull! I have taken better
precautions for you than
you did for yourself----I have----
HASTINGS. What?
MARLOW. I have sent it to the
landlady to keep for you.
HASTINGS. To the
landlady!
MARLOW. The
landlady.
HASTINGS. You did?
MARLOW. I did. She's to be answerable for its
forthcoming, you know.
HASTINGS. Yes, she'll bring it forth with a
witness.
MARLOW. Wasn't I right? I believe you'll allow that I acted
prudently upon this occasion.
HASTINGS. (Aside.) He must not see my uneasiness.
MARLOW. You seem a little disconcerted though,
methinks. Sure
nothing has happened?
HASTINGS. No, nothing. Never was in better spirits in all my life.
And so you left it with the
landlady, who, no doubt, very
readilyundertook the charge.
MARLOW. Rather too
readily. For she not only kept the
casket, but,
through her great
precaution, was going to keep the
messenger too. Ha!
ha! ha!
HASTINGS. He! he! he! They're safe, however.
MARLOW. As a
guinea in a miser's purse.
HASTINGS. (Aside.) So now all hopes of fortune are at an end, and we
must set off without it. (To him.) Well, Charles, I'll leave you to
your meditations on the pretty bar-maid, and, he! he! he! may you be as
successful for yourself, as you have been for me! [Exit.]
MARLOW. Thank ye, George: I ask no more. Ha! ha! ha!
Enter HARDCASTLE.
HARDCASTLE. I no longer know my own house. It's turned all
topsy-turvy. His servants have got drunk already. I'll bear it no
longer; and yet, from my respect for his father, I'll be calm. (To
him.) Mr. Marlow, your servant. I'm your very
humble servant.
(Bowing low.)
MARLOW. Sir, your
humble servant. (Aside.) What's to be the wonder
now?
HARDCASTLE. I believe, sir, you must be
sensible, sir, that no man
alive ought to be more
welcome than your father's son, sir. I hope you
think so?
MARLOW. I do from my soul, sir. I don't want much
entreaty. I
generally make my father's son
welcomewherever he goes.
HARDCASTLE. I believe you do, from my soul, sir. But though I say
nothing to your own conduct, that of your servants is insufferable.
Their manner of drinking is
setting a very bad example in this house,
I assure you.
MARLOW. I protest, my very good sir, that is no fault of mine. If
they don't drink as they ought, they are to blame. I ordered them not
to spare the
cellar. I did, I assure you. (To the side scene.) Here,
let one of my servants come up. (To him.) My
positive directions
were, that as I did not drink myself, they should make up for my
deficiencies below.
HARDCASTLE. Then they had your orders for what they do? I'm
satisfied!
MARLOW. They had, I assure you. You shall hear from one of
themselves.
Enter Servant, drunk.
MARLOW. You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah! What were my orders?
Were you not told to drink
freely, and call for what you thought fit,
for the good of the house?
HARDCASTLE. (Aside.) I begin to lose my patience.
JEREMY. Please your honour, liberty and Fleet-street for ever!
Though I'm but a servant, I'm as good as another man. I'll drink for
no man before supper, sir, damme! Good
liquor will sit upon a good
supper, but a good supper will not sit upon----hiccup----on my
conscience, sir.
MARLOW. You see, my old friend, the fellow is as drunk as he can
possibly be. I don't know what you'd have more, unless you'd have the
poor devil soused in a beer-barrel.
HARDCASTLE. Zounds! he'll drive me distracted, if I
contain myself any
longer. Mr. Marlow--Sir; I have submitted to your
insolence for more
than four hours, and I see no
likelihood of its coming to an end. I'm
now
resolved to be master here, sir; and I desire that you and your
drunken pack may leave my house directly.
MARLOW. Leave your house!----Sure you jest, my good friend! What?
when I'm doing what I can to please you.
HARDCASTLE. I tell you, sir, you don't please me; so I desire you'll
leave my house.
MARLOW. Sure you cannot be serious? At this time o' night, and such a
night? You only mean to banter me.
HARDCASTLE. I tell you, sir, I'm serious! and now that my
passions are
roused, I say this house is mine, sir; this house is mine, and I
command you to leave it directly.
MARLOW. Ha! ha! ha! A puddle in a storm. I shan't stir a step, I
assure you. (In a serious tone.) This your house, fellow! It's my
house. This is my house. Mine, while I choose to stay. What right
have you to bid me leave this house, sir? I never met with such
impudence, curse me; never in my whole life before.
HARDCASTLE. Nor I,
confound me if ever I did. To come to my house, to
call for what he likes, to turn me out of my own chair, to
insult the
family, to order his servants to get drunk, and then to tell me, "This
house is mine, sir." By all that's impudent, it makes me laugh. Ha!