live I shall not be without
uneasiness as to what he may attempt
through
indirect influence. This man has gained Dorothea's ear:
he has fascinated her attention; he has
evidently tried to
impressher mind with the notion that he has claims beyond anything I have done
for him. If I die--and he is
waiting here on the watch for that--
he will
persuade her to marry him. That would be
calamity for
her and success for him. SHE would not think it
calamity:
he would make her believe anything; she has a
tendency to
immoderate
attachment which she
inwardly" target="_blank" title="ad.内向;独自地">
inwardly reproaches me for not
responding to, and already her mind is occupied with his fortunes.
He thinks of an easy
conquest and of entering into my nest.
That I will
hinder! Such a marriage would be fatal to Dorothea.
Has he ever persisted in anything except from contradiction?
In knowledge he has always tried to be showy at small cost.
In religion he could be, as long as it suited him, the facile echo of
Dorothea's vagaries. When was sciolism ever dissociated from laxity?
I utterly
distrust his morals, and it is my duty to
hinder to the
utmost the
fulfilment of his designs."
The arrangements made by Mr. Casaubon on his marriage left strong
measures open to him, but in ruminating on them his mind inevitably
dwelt so much on the probabilities of his own life that the longing
to get the nearest possible
calculation had at last
overcome his
proud reticence, and had determined him to ask Lydgate's opinion
as to the nature of his illness.
He had mentioned to Dorothea that Lydgate was coming by appointment
at half-past three, and in answer to her
anxious question, whether he
had felt ill, replied,--"No, I merely wish to have his opinion
concerning some
habitual symptoms. You need not see him, my dear.
I shall give orders that he may be sent to me in the Yew-tree Walk,
where I shall be
taking my usual exercise."
When Lydgate entered the Yew-tree Walk he saw Mr. Casaubon slowly
receding with his hands behind him according to his habit,
and his head bent forward. It was a lovely afternoon; the leaves
from the lofty limes were falling
silently across the sombre
evergreens, while the lights and shadows slept side by side:
there was no sound but the cawing of the rooks, which to the
accustomed ear is a
lullaby, or that last
solemnlullaby, a dirge.
Lydgate,
conscious of an
energetic frame in its prime, felt some
compassion when the figure which he was likely soon to overtake
turned round, and in advancing towards him showed more markedly
than ever the signs of premature age--the student's bent shoulders,
the emaciated limbs, and the
melancholy lines of the mouth.
"Poor fellow," he thought, "some men with his years are like lions;
one can tell nothing of their age except that they are full grown."
"Mr. Lydgate," said Mr. Casaubon, with his
invariably po lite air,
"I am
exceedingly obliged to you for your punctuality. We will,
if you please, carry on our conversation in walking to and fro."
"I hope your wish to see me is not due to the return
of
unpleasant symptoms," said Lydgate, filling up a pause.
"Not immediately--no. In order to
account for that wish I must mention--
what it were
otherwiseneedless to refer to--that my life,
on all collateral
accounts
insignificant, derives a possible
importance from the incompleteness of labors which have extended
through all its best years. In short, I have long had on hand
a work which I would fain leave behind me in such a state, at least,
that it might be committed to the press by--others. Were I assured
that this is the
utmost I can
reasonably expect, that assurance
would be a useful circumscription of my attempts, and a guide
in both the
positive and
negativedetermination of my course."
Here Mr. Casaubon paused, removed one hand from his back and thrust
it between the buttons of his single-breasted coat. To a mind
largely instructed in the human
destiny hardly anything could be
more interesting than the
inwardconflict implied in his formal
measured address, delivered with the usual sing-song and motion
of the head. Nay, are there many situations more sublimely tragic
than the struggle of the soul with the demand to
renounce a work
which has been all the
significance of its life--a
significancewhich is to
vanish as the waters which come and go where no man has
need of them? But there was nothing to strike others as sublime
about Mr. Casaubon, and Lydgate, who had some
contempt at hand for
futile
scholarship, felt a little
amusement mingling with his pity.
He was at present too ill acquainted with
disaster to enter into
the pathos of a lot where everything is below the level of tragedy
except the
passionate egoism of the sufferer.
"You refer to the possible hindrances from want of health?" he said,
wishing to help forward Mr. Casaubon's purpose, which seemed to be
clogged by some hesitation.
"I do. You have not implied to me that the symptoms which--
I am bound to testify--you watched with scrupulous care,
were those of a fatal disease. But were it so, Mr. Lydgate,
I should desire to know the truth without
reservation, and I
appeal to you for an exact statement of your conclusions:
I request it as a friendly service. If you can tell me that my
life is not threatened by anything else than ordinary casualties,
I shall
rejoice, on grounds which I have already indicated.
If not, knowledge of the truth is even more important to me."
"Then I can no longer
hesitate as to my course," said Lydgate;
"but the first thing I must
impress on you is that my conclusions
are
doubly uncertain--uncertain not only because of my fallibility,
but because diseases of the heart are eminently difficult to found
predictions on. In any ease, one can hardly increase appreciably
the
tremendousuncertainty of life."
Mr. Casaubon winced perceptibly, but bowed.
"I believe that you are
suffering from what is called fatty
degeneration of the heart, a disease which was first
divined
and explored by Laennec, the man who gave us the stethoscope,
not so very many years ago. A good deal of experience--a more
lengthened observation--is
wanting on the subject. But after
what you have said, it is my duty to tell you that death from this
disease is often sudden. At the same time, no such result can
be predicted. Your condition may be
consistent with a tolerably
comfortable life for another fifteen years, or even more. I could
add no information to this beyond anatomical or
medical details,
which would leave
expectation at
precisely the same point."
Lydgate's
instinct was fine enough to tell him that plain speech,
quite free from ostentatious
caution, would be felt by Mr. Casaubon
as a
tribute of respect.
"I thank you, Mr. Lydgate," said Mr. Casaubon, after a moment's pause.
"One thing more I have still to ask: did you
communicate what you
have now told me to Mrs. Casaubon?"
"Partly--I mean, as to the possible issues." Lydgate was going
to explain why he had told Dorothea, but Mr. Casaubon, with an
unmistakable desire to end the conversation, waved his hand slightly,
and said again, "I thank you,"
proceeding to remark on the rare
beauty of the day.
Lydgate, certain that his patient wished to be alone, soon left him;
and the black figure with hands behind and head bent forward
continued to pace the walk where the dark yew-trees gave him
a mute
companionship in
melancholy, and the little shadows of bird
or leaf that fleeted across the isles of
sunlight, stole along
in silence as in the presence of a sorrow. Here was a man who now
for the first time found himself looking into the eyes of death--
who was passing through one of those rare moments of experience
when we feel the truth of a
commonplace, which is as different from
what we call
knowing it, as the
vision of waters upon the earth is
different from the delirious
vision of the water which cannot be had
to cool the burning tongue. When the
commonplace "We must all die"
transforms itself suddenly into the acute
consciousness "I must die--
and soon," then death grapples us, and his fingers are cruel;
afterwards, he may come to fold us in his arms as our mother did,
and our last moment of dim
earthly discerning may be like the first.
To Mr. Casaubon now, it was as if he suddenly found himself on
the dark river-brink and heard the plash of the oncoming oar,
not discerning the forms, but expecting the summons. In such an
hour the mind does not change its
lifelong bias, but carries it
onward in
imagination to the other side of death, gazing backward--
perhaps with the
divine calm of beneficence, perhaps with the petty