then, such notices of his own feelings and condition as could be
addressed to a boy. These Letters, I have
lately read: they give,
beyond any he has written, a noble image of the intrinsic
Sterling;--the same face we had long known; but painted now as on the
azure of Eternity,
serene,
victorious, divinely sad; the dusts and
extraneous disfigurements imprinted on it by the world, now washed
away. One little Excerpt, not the best, but the fittest for its
neighborhood here, will be
welcome to the reader:--
"_To Master Edward C. Sterling, London_.
"HILLSIDE, VENTNOR, 29th June, 1844.
"MY DEAR BOY,--We have been going on here as quietly as possible, with
no event that I know of. There is nothing except books to occupy me.
But you may suppose that my thoughts often move towards you, and that
I fancy what you may be doing in the great City,--the greatest on the
Earth,--where I spent so many years of my life. I first saw London
when I was between eight and nine years old, and then lived in or near
it for the whole of the next ten, and more there than
anywhere else
for seven years longer. Since then I have hardly ever been a year
without
seeing the place, and have often lived in it for a
considerable time. There I grew from
childhood to be a man. My
little Brothers and Sisters, and since, my Mother, died and are buried
there. There I first saw your Mamma, and was there married. It seems
as if, in some strange way, London were a part of Me or I of London.
I think of it often, not as full of noise and dust and
confusion, but
as something silent, grand and everlasting.
"When I fancy how you are walking in the same streets, and moving
along the same river, that I used to watch so
intently, as if in a
dream, when younger than you are,--I could
gladly burst into tears,
not of grief, but with a feeling that there is no name for.
Everything is so wonderful, great and holy, so sad and yet not bitter,
so full of Death and so bordering on Heaven. Can you understand
anything of this? If you can, you will begin to know what a serious
matter our Life is; how
unworthy and
stupid it is to
trifle it away
without heed; what a
wretched,
insignificant,
worthless creature any
one comes to be, who does not as soon as possible bend his whole
strength, as in stringing a stiff bow, to doing
whatever task lies
first before him....
"We have a mist here to-day from the sea. It reminds me of that which
I used to see from my house in St, Vincent, rolling over the great
volcano and the mountains round it. I used to look at it from our
windows with your Mamma, and you a little baby in her arms.
"This Letter is not so well written as I could wish, but I hope you
will be able to read it.
"Your
affectionate Papa,
"JOHN STERLING."
These Letters go from June 9th to August 2d, at which latter date
vacation-time arrived, and the Boy returned to him. The Letters are
preserved; and surely well worth preserving.
In this manner he wore the slow doomed months away. Day after day his
little period of Library went on waning, shrinking into less and less;
but I think it never
altogether ended till the general end came.--For
courage, for active
audacity we had all known Sterling; but such a
fund of mild stoicism, of
devoutpatience and
heroiccomposure, we did
not
hitherto know in him. His sufferings, his sorrows, all his
unutterabilities in this slow agony, he held right manfully down;
marched loyally, as at the bidding of the Eternal, into the dread
Kingdoms, and no voice of
weakness was heard from him. Poor noble
Sterling, he had struggled so high and gained so little here! But
this also he did gain, to be a brave man; and it was much.
Summer passed into Autumn: Sterling's
earthly businesses, to the last
detail of them, were now all as good as done: his strength too was
wearing to its end, his daily turn in the Library shrunk now to a
span. He had to hold himself as if in
readiness for the great voyage
at any moment. One other Letter I must give; not quite the last
message I had from Sterling, but the last that can be inserted here:
a brief Letter, fit to be forever
memorable to the
receiver of it:--
"_To Thomas Carlyle, Esq., Chelsea, London_.
"HILLSIDE, VENTNOR, 10th August, 1844.
MY DEAR CARLYLE,--For the first time for many months it seems possible
to send you a few words; merely, however, for Remembrance and
Farewell. On higher matters there is nothing to say. I tread the
common road into the great darkness, without any thought of fear, and
with very much of hope. Certainty indeed I have none. With regard to