Sly's son of Burton Heath; by birth a
pedlar, by education a
cardmaker, by transmutation a bear-herd, and now by present
profession a
tinker? Ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of
Wincot, if she know me not; if she say I am not fourteen pence on
the score for sheer ale, score me up for the lying'st knave in
Christendom. What! I am not bestraught. [Taking a pot of ale]
Here's-
THIRD SERVANT. O, this it is that makes your lady mourn!
SECOND SERVANT. O, this is it that makes your servants droop!
LORD. Hence comes it that your
kindred shuns your house,
As
beaten hence by your strange lunacy.
O noble lord,
bethink thee of thy birth!
Call home thy ancient thoughts from
banishment,
And
banish hence these
abject lowly dreams.
Look how thy servants do attend on thee,
Each in his office ready at thy beck.
Wilt thou have music? Hark! Apollo plays, [Music]
And twenty caged nightingales do sing.
Or wilt thou sleep? We'll have thee to a couch
Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed
On purpose trimm'd up for Semiramis.
Say thou wilt walk: we will bestrew the ground.
Or wilt thou ride? Thy horses shall be trapp'd,
Their
harness studded all with gold and pearl.
Dost thou love hawking? Thou hast hawks will soar
Above the morning lark. Or wilt thou hunt?
Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them
And fetch shall echoes from the hollow earth.
FIRST SERVANT. Say thou wilt course; thy greyhounds are as swift
As breathed stags; ay, fleeter than the roe.
SECOND SERVANT. Dost thou love pictures? We will fetch thee
straight
Adonis painted by a
running brook,
And Cytherea all in sedges hid,
Which seem to move and
wanton with her breath
Even as the waving sedges play wi' th' wind.
LORD. We'll show thee lo as she was a maid
And how she was beguiled and surpris'd,
As
lively painted as the deed was done.
THIRD SERVANT. Or Daphne roaming through a
thorny wood,
Scratching her legs, that one shall swear she bleeds
And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep,
So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn.
LORD. Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord.
Thou hast a lady far more beautiful
Than any woman in this waning age.
FIRST SERVANT. And, till the tears that she hath shed for thee
Like
envious floods o'er-run her lovely face,
She was the fairest creature in the world;
And yet she is
inferior to none.
SLY. Am I a lord and have I such a lady?
Or do I dream? Or have I dream'd till now?
I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak;
I smell sweet savours, and I feel soft things.
Upon my life, I am a lord indeed,
And not a
tinker, nor Christopher Sly.
Well, bring our lady
hither to our sight;
And once again, a pot o' th' smallest ale.
SECOND SERVANT. Will't please your Mightiness to wash your hands?
O, how we joy to see your wit restor'd!
O, that once more you knew but what you are!
These fifteen years you have been in a dream;
Or, when you wak'd, so wak'd as if you slept.
SLY. These fifteen years! by my fay, a
goodly nap.
But did I never speak of all that time?
FIRST SERVANT. O, yes, my lord, but very idle words;
For though you lay here in this
goodly chamber,
Yet would you say ye were
beaten out of door;
And rail upon the
hostess of the house,
And say you would present her at the leet,
Because she brought stone jugs and no seal'd quarts.
Sometimes you would call out for Cicely Hacket.
SLY. Ay, the woman's maid of the house.
THIRD SERVANT. Why, sir, you know no house nor no such maid,
Nor no such men as you have reckon'd up,
As Stephen Sly, and old John Naps of Greece,
And Peter Turph, and Henry Pimpernell;
And twenty more such names and men as these,
Which never were, nor no man ever saw.
SLY. Now, Lord be thanked for my good amends!
ALL. Amen.
Enter the PAGE as a lady, with ATTENDANTS
SLY. I thank thee; thou shalt not lose by it.
PAGE. How fares my noble lord?
SLY. Marry, I fare well; for here is cheer enough.
Where is my wife?
PAGE. Here, noble lord; what is thy will with her?
SLY. Are you my wife, and will not call me husband?
My men should call me 'lord'; I am your goodman.
PAGE. My husband and my lord, my lord and husband;
I am your wife in all obedience.
SLY. I know it well. What must I call her?
LORD. Madam.
SLY. Al'ce madam, or Joan madam?
LORD. Madam, and nothing else; so lords call ladies.
SLY. Madam wife, they say that I have dream'd
And slept above some fifteen year or more.
PAGE. Ay, and the time seems thirty unto me,
Being all this time abandon'd from your bed.
SLY. 'Tis much. Servants, leave me and her alone.
Exeunt SERVANTS
Madam,
undress you, and come now to bed.
PAGE. Thrice noble lord, let me
entreat of you
To
pardon me yet for a night or two;
Or, if not so, until the sun be set.
For your physicians have
expressly charg'd,
In peril to incur your former malady,
That I should yet
absent me from your bed.
I hope this reason stands for my excuse.
SLY. Ay, it stands so that I may hardly tarry so long. But I would
be loath to fall into my dreams again. I will
therefore tarry in
despite of the flesh and the blood.
Enter a MESSENGER
MESSENGER. Your honour's players,
hearing your amendment,
Are come to play a pleasant comedy;
For so your doctors hold it very meet,
Seeing too much
sadness hath congeal'd your blood,
And
melancholy is the nurse of frenzy.
Therefore they thought it good you hear a play
And frame your mind to mirth and merriment,
Which bars a thousand harms and lengthens life.
SLY. Marry, I will; let them play it. Is not a comonty a
Christmas gambold or a tumbling-trick?
PAGE. No, my good lord, it is more
pleasing stuff.
SLY. What, household stuff?
PAGE. It is a kind of history.
SLY. Well, we'll see't. Come, madam wife, sit by my side and let
the world slip;-we shall ne'er be younger.
[They sit down]
A
flourish of trumpets announces the play
ACT I. SCENE I.
Padua. A public place
Enter LUCENTIO and his man TRANIO
LUCENTIO. Tranio, since for the great desire I had
To see fair Padua,
nursery of arts,
I am arriv'd for
fruitful Lombardy,
The pleasant garden of great Italy,
And by my father's love and leave am arm'd
With his good will and thy good company,
My
trusty servant well approv'd in all,
Here let us breathe, and haply institute
A course of
learning and
ingenious studies.
Pisa,
renowned for grave citizens,
Gave me my being and my father first,
A merchant of great
traffic through the world,
Vincentio, come of the Bentivolii;
Vincentio's son, brought up in Florence,
It shall become to serve all hopes conceiv'd,
To deck his fortune with his
virtuous deeds.
And
therefore, Tranio, for the time I study,
Virtue and that part of philosophy
Will I apply that treats of happiness
By
virtuespecially to be achiev'd.
Tell me thy mind; for I have Pisa left
And am to Padua come as he that leaves
A
shallow plash to
plunge him in the deep,
And with satiety seeks to
quench his thirst.
TRANIO. Mi perdonato, gentle master mine;
I am in all
affected as yourself;
Glad that you thus continue your resolve
To suck the sweets of sweet philosophy.
Only, good master, while we do admire
This
virtue and this moral discipline,
Let's be no Stoics nor no stocks, I pray,
Or so devote to Aristotle's checks
As Ovid be an outcast quite abjur'd.
Balk logic with
acquaintance that you have,
And
practiserhetoric in your common talk;
Music and poesy use to
quicken you;
The
mathematics and the metaphysics,
Fall to them as you find your
stomach serves you.
No profit grows where is no pleasure ta'en;
In brief, sir, study what you most affect.
LUCENTIO. Gramercies, Tranio, well dost thou advise.
If, Biondello, thou wert come ashore,
We could at once put us in readiness,
And take a
lodging fit to entertain
Such friends as time in Padua shall beget.
Enter BAPTISTA with his two daughters, KATHERINA
and BIANCA; GREMIO, a pantaloon; HORTENSIO,
suitor to BIANCA. LUCENTIO and TRANIO stand by
But stay
awhile; what company is this?
TRANIO. Master, some show to
welcome us to town.
BAPTISTA. Gentlemen, importune me no farther,
For how I
firmly am resolv'd you know;
That is, not to
bestow my youngest daughter
Before I have a husband for the elder.
If either of you both love Katherina,
Because I know you well and love you well,
Leave shall you have to court her at your pleasure.
GREMIO. To cart her rather. She's too rough for me.
There, there, Hortensio, will you any wife?
KATHERINA. [To BAPTISTA] I pray you, sir, is it your will
To make a stale of me
amongst these mates?
HORTENSIO. Mates, maid! How mean you that? No mates for you,
Unless you were of gentler, milder mould.
KATHERINA. I' faith, sir, you shall never need to fear;
Iwis it is not halfway to her heart;
But if it were, doubt not her care should be
To comb your noddle with a three-legg'd stool,
And paint your face, and use you like a fool.