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DIONYSUS
Aye, but he's speaking to the dead, you knave,

Who cannot hear us though we call them thrice.
AESCHYLUS

And how do you make your prologues?
EURIPIDES

You shall hear;
And if you find one single thing said twice,

Or any useless padding, spit upon me.
DIONYSUS

Well, fire away: I'm all agog to hear
Your very accurate and faultlessprologues.

EURIPIDES
"A happy man was Oedipus at first-

AESCHYLUS
Not so, by Zeus; a most unhappy man.

Who, not yet born nor yet conceived, Apollo
Foretold would be his father's murderer.

How could he be a happy man at first?
EURIPIDES

"Then he became the wretchedest of men."
AESCHYLUS

Not so, by Zeus; he never ceased to be.
No sooner born, than they exposed the babe,

(And that in winter), in an earthen crock,
Lest he should grow a man, and slay his father.

Then with both ankles pierced and swoln, he limped
Away to Polybus: still young, he married

An ancient crone, and her his mother too.
Then scratched out both his eyes.

DIONYSUS
Happy indeed

Had he been Erasinides's colleague!
EURIPIDES

Nonsense; I say my prologues are firstrate.
AESCHYLUS

Nay then, by Zeus, no longer line by line
I'll maul your phrases: but with heaven to aid

I'll smash your prologues with a bottle of oil.
EURIPIDES

You mine with a bottle of oil?
AESCHYLUS

With only one.
You frame your prologues so that each and all

Fit in with a "bottle of oil," or "coverlet-skin,"
Or "reticule-bag." I'll prove it here, and now.

EURIPIDES
You'll prove it? You?

AESCHYLUS
I will.

DIONYSUS
Well then, begin.

EURIPIDES
"Aegyptus, sailing with his fifty sons,

As ancient legends mostly tell the tale,
Touching at Argos"

AESCHYLUS
Lost his bottle of oil.

EURIPIDES
Hang it, what's that? Confound that bottle of oil!

Give him another: let him try again.
EURIPIDES

"Bacchus, who, clad in fawnskins, leaps and bounds
torch and thyrsus in the choral dance along Parnassus"

AESCHYLUS
Lost his bottle of oil.

DIONYSUS
Ah me, we are stricken-with that bottle again!

Pooh, pooh, that's nothing. I've a prologue
He'll never tack his bottle of oil to this:

"No man is blest in every single thing.
One is of noble birth, but lacking means.

Another, baseborn,"
AESCHYLUS

Lost his bottle of oil.
DIONYSUS

Euripides!
EURIPIDES

Well?
DIONYSUS

Lower your sails, my boy;
This bottle of is going to blow a gale.

EURIPIDES
O, by Demeter, I care one bit;

Now from his hands I'll strike that bottle of oil.
DIONYSUS

Go on then, go: but ware the bottle of oil.
EURIPIDES

"Once Cadmus, quitting the Sidonian town, Agenor's offspring"
AESCHYLUS

Lost his bottle of oil.
DIONYSUS

O pray, my man, buy off that bottle of oil,
Or else he'll smash our prologues all to bits.

EURIPIDES
I buy of him?

DIONYSUS
If my advice you'll take.

EURIPIDES
No, no, I've many a prologue yet to say,

To which he can't tack on his bottle of oil.
"Pelops, the son of Tantalus, while driving

His mares to Pisa"
AESCHYLUS

Lost his bottle of oil.
DIONYSUS

There! he tacked on the bottle of oil again.
O for heaven's sake, pay him its price, dear boy;

You'll get it for an obol, spick and span.
EURIPIDES

Not yet, by Zeus; I've plenty of prologues left.
"Oeneus once reaping"

AESCHYLUS
Lost his bottle of oil.

EURIPIDES
Pray let me finish one entire line first.

"Oeneus once reaping an abundant harvest,
Offering the firstfruits"

AESCHYLUS
Lost his bottle of oil.

DIONYSUS
What, in the act of offering? Fie! Who stole it?

EURIPIDES
O don't keep bothering! Let him try with

"Zeus, as by Truth's own voice the tale is told,"
DIONYSUS

No, he'll cut in with "Lost his bottle of oil" bottle
Those bottles of oil on all your prologues seem

To gather and grow, like styes upon the eye.
Turn to his melodies now for goodness' sake.

EURIPIDES
O I can easily show that he's a poor

Melody-maker; makes all alike.
CHORUS

What, O what will be done!
Strange to think that he dare

Blame the bard who has won,
More than all in our days,

Fame and praise for his lays,
Lays so many and fair.

Much I marvel to hear
What the charge he will bring

'Gainst our tragedy king;
Yea for himself do fear.

EURIPIDES
Wonderful lays! O yes, you'll see directly.

I'll cut down all his metrical strains to one.
DIONYSUS

And I, I'll take some pebbles, and keep count.
A slight pause, during which the music of a flute is heard. The

music continues to the end of line [EURIPIDES-Hush! the bee...] as
an accompaniment to the recitative.

EURIPIDES
"Lord of Phthia, Achilles, why hearing the

voice of the hero-dividing
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?

We, by the lake who abide, are adoring our ancestor Hermes.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?"

DIONYSUS
O Aeschylus, twice art thou smitten I

EURIPIDES
"Hearken to me, great king; yea, hearken

Atreides, thou noblest of the Achaeans.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?

DIONYSUS
Thrice, Aeschylus, thrice art thou smitten!

EURIPIDES
"Hush! the bee-wardens are here: they will

quickly the Temple of Artemis open.
Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?

I will expound (for I know it) the omen the
chieftains encountered.

Hah! smiting! approachest thou not to the rescue?"
DIONYSUS

O Zeus and King, the terrible lot of smittings!
I'll to the bath: I'm very sure my kidneys

Are quite inflamed and swoln with all these smitings.
EURIPIDES

Wait till you've heard another batch of lays
Culled from his lyre-accompanied melodies.

DIONYSUS
Go on then, go: but no more smitings, please.

EURIPIDES
"How the twin-throned powers of Achaea,

the lords of the mighty Hellenes.
O phlattothrattophlattothrat!

Sendeth the Sphinx, the unchancy, the chieftainness bloodhound.
O phlattothrattophlattothratt

launcheth fierce with brand and hand the avengers
the terrible eagle.

O phlattothrattophlattothrat!
So for the swift-winged hounds of the air he provided a booty.

O phlattothrattophlattothrat!
The throng down-bearing on Aias.

O phlattothrattophlattotbrat!"
DIONYSUS

Whence comes that phlattothrat?
From Marathon, or

Where picked you up these cable-twister's strains?
AESCHYLUS

From noblest source for noblest ends brought them,


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