piercing sight of reason) how I could, previously to the deciding
outrage, have considered myself as everlastingly united to vice

and folly! 'Had an evil genius cast a spell at my birth; or a demon
stalked out of chaos, to perplex my understanding, and enchain my

will, with delusive prejudices?'
"I pursued this train of thinking; it led me out of myself,

to expatiate on the miserypeculiar to my sex. 'Are not,' I thought,
'the despots for ever stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of power,

commanded even the most atrocious criminals to be chained to dead
bodies? though surely those laws are much more inhuman, which forge

adamantine fetters to bind minds together, that never can mingle
in social communion! What indeed can equal the wretchedness of that

state, in which there is no alternative, but to extinguish the
affections, or encounter infamy?'

CHAPTER 12
"TOWARDS midnight Mr. Venables entered my chamber; and, with calm

audacity preparing to go to bed, he bade me make haste, 'for that
was the best place for husbands and wives to end their differences.

He had been drinking plentifully to aid his courage.
"I did not at first deign to reply. But perceiving that he

affected to take my silence for consent, I told him that, 'If he
would not go to another bed, or allow me, I should sit up in my

study all night.' He attempted to pull me into the chamber, half
joking. But I resisted; and, as he had determined not to give me

any reason for saying that he used violence, after a few more
efforts, he retired, cursing my obstinacy, to bed.

"I sat musing some time longer; then, throwing my cloak around
me, prepared for sleep on a sopha. And, so fortunate seemed my

deliverance, so sacred the pleasure of being thus wrapped up in
myself, that I slept profoundly, and woke with a mind composed to

encounter the struggles of the day. Mr. Venables did not wake till
some hours after; and then he came to me half-dressed, yawning and

stretching, with haggard eyes, as if he scarcely recollected what
had passed the preceding evening. He fixed his eyes on me for a

moment, then, calling me a fool, asked 'How long I intended to
continue this pretty farce? For his part, he was devilish sick of

it; but this was the plague of marrying women who pretended to know
something.'

"I made no other reply to this harangue, than to say, 'That
he ought to be glad to get rid of a woman so unfit to be his

companion--and that any change in my conduct would be mean
dissimulation; for maturer reflection only gave the sacred seal

of reason to my first resolution.'
"He looked as if he could have stamped with patience" target="_blank" title="n.不耐烦，急躁">impatience, at

being obliged to stifle his rage; but, conquering his anger (for
weak people, whose passions seem the most ungovernable, restrain

them with the greatest ease, when they have a sufficient motive),
he exclaimed, 'Very pretty, upon my soul! very pretty, theatrical

flourishes! Pray, fair Roxana, stoop from your altitudes,
and remember that you are acting a part in real life.'

"He uttered this speech with a self-satisfied air, and went
down stairs to dress.

"In about an hour he came to me again; and in the same tone
said, 'That he came as my gentleman-usher to hand me down to

breakfast.
"'Of the black rod?' asked I.

"This question, and the tone in which I asked it, a little
disconcerted him. To say the truth, I now felt no resentment; my

firm resolution to free myself from my ignoble thraldom, had absorbed
the various emotions which, during six years, had racked my soul.

The duty pointed out by my principles seemed clear; and not one
tender feeling intruded to make me swerve: The dislike which my

husband had inspired was strong; but it only led me to wish to
avoid, to wish to let him drop out of my memory; there was no

misery, no torture that I would not deliberately have chosen, rather
than renew my lease of servitude.

"During the breakfast, he attempted to reason with me on the
folly of romantic sentiments; for this was the indiscriminate

epithet he gave to every mode of conduct or thinking superior to
his own. He asserted, 'that all the world were governed by their

own interest; those who pretended to be actuated by different
motives, were only deeper knaves, or fools crazed by books, who

took for gospel all the rodomantade nonsense written by men who
knew nothing of the world. For his part, he thanked God, he was

no hypocrite; and, if he stretched a point sometimes, it was always
with an intention of paying every man his own.'

"He then artfully insinuated, 'that he daily expected a vessel
to arrive, a successful speculation, that would make him easy for

the present, and that he had several other schemes actually depending,
that could not fail. He had no doubt of becoming rich in a few

years, though he had been thrown back by some unlucky adventures
at the setting out.'

"I mildly replied, 'That I wished he might not involve himself
still deeper.'

"He had no notion that I was governed by a decision of judgment,
not to be compared with a mere spurt of resentment. He knew not

what it was to feel indignation against vice, and often boasted of
his placable temper, and readiness to forgive injuries. True; for

he only considered the being deceived, as an effort of skill he
had not guarded against; and then, with a cant of candour, would

observe, 'that he did not know how he might himself have been
tempted to act in the same circumstances.' And, as his heart never

opened to friendship, it never was wounded by disappointment.
Every new acquaintance he protested, it is true, was 'the cleverest

fellow in the world; and he really thought so; till the novelty of
his conversation or manners ceased to have any effect on his sluggish

spirits. His respect for rank or fortune was more permanent, though
he chanced to have no design of availing himself of the influence

of either to promote his own views.
"After a prefatory conversation,--my blood (I thought it had

been cooler) flushed over my whole countenance as he spoke--he
alluded to my situation. He desired me to reflect--'and act like

a prudent woman, as the best proof of my superior understanding;
for he must own I had sense, did I know how to use it. I was not,'

he laid a stress on his words, 'without my passions; and a husband
was a convenient cloke.--He was liberal in his way of thinking;

and why might not we, like many other married people, who were
above vulgar prejudices, tacitly consent to let each other follow

their own inclination?--He meant nothing more, in the letter I made
the ground of complaint; and the pleasure which I seemed to take

in Mr. S.'s company, led him to conclude, that he was not
disagreeable to me.'

"A clerk brought in the letters of the day, and I, as I often
did, while he was discussing subjects of business, went to the

_piano_ _forte_, and began to play a favourite air to restore
myself, as it were, to nature, and drive the sophisticated sentiments

I had just been obliged to listen to, out of my soul.
"They had excited sensations similar to those I have felt, in

viewing the squalid inhabitants of some of the lanes and back
streets of the metropolis, mortified at being compelled to consider

them as my fellow-creatures, as if an ape had claimed kindred with
me. Or, as when surrounded by a mephitical fog, I have wished to

have a volley of cannon fired, to clear the incumbered atmosphere,
and give me room to breathe and move.

"My spirits were all in arms, and I played a kind of
extemporary prelude. The cadence was probably wild and impassioned,

while, lost in thought, I made the sounds a kind of echo to
my train of thinking.

"Pausing for a moment, I met Mr. Venables' eyes. He was
observing me with an air of conceitedsatisfaction, as much as to

say--'My last insinuation has done the business--she begins to know
her own interest.' Then gathering up his letters, he said, 'That

he hoped he should hear no more romantic stuff, well enough in a
miss just come from boarding school;' and went, as was his custom,

to the counting-house. I still continued playing; and, turning to
a sprightly lesson, I executed it with uncommon vivacity. I heard

footsteps approach the door, and was soon convinced that Mr. Venables
was listening; the consciousness only gave more animation to my