sometimes visible in my countenance, when she uttered with pomposity
her bad English, or affected" target="_blank" title="a.做作的；假装的">affected to be well bred.

To my uncle I ventured to open my heart; and he, with his
wonted benevolence, began to consider in what manner he could

extricate me out of my present irksome situation. In spite of his
own disappointment, or, most probably, actuated by the feelings

that had been petrified, not cooled, in all their sanguine fervour,
like a boiling torrent of lava suddenly dash ing into the sea, he

thought a marriage of mutualinclination (would envious stars permit
it) the only chance for happiness in this disastrous world. George

Venables had the reputation of being attentive to business, and my
father's example gave great weight to this circumstance; for habits

of order in business would, he conceived, extend to the regulation
of the affections in domestic life. George seldom spoke in my

uncle's company, except to utter a short, judicious question, or
to make a pertinent remark, with all due deference to his superior

judgment; so that my uncle seldom left his company without observing,
that the young man had more in him than people supposed.

In this opinion he was not singular; yet, believe me, and I
am not swayed by resentment, these speeches so justly poized, this

silent deference, when the animal spirits of other young people
were throwing off youthful ebullitions, were not the effect of

thought or humility, but sheer barrenness of mind, and want of
imagination. A colt of mettle will curvet and shew his paces.

Yes; my dear girl, these prudent young men want all the fire
necessary to ferment their faculties, and are characterized as

wise, only because they are not foolish. It is true, that George
was by no means so great a favourite of mine as during the first

year of our acquaintance; still, as he often coincided in opinion
with me, and echoed my sentiments; and having myself no other

attachment, I heard with pleasure my uncle's proposal; but thought
more of obtaining my freedom, than of my lover. But, when George,

seemingly anxious for my happiness, pressed me to quit my present
painful situation, my heart swelled with gratitude--I knew not that

my uncle had promised him five thousand pounds.
Had this truly generous man mentioned his intention to me,

I should have insisted on a thousand pounds being settled on each of
my sisters; George would have contested; I should have seen his

selfish soul; and--gracious God! have been spared the misery of
discovering, when too late, that I was united to a heartless,

unprincipled wretch. All my schemes of usefulness would not then
have been blasted. The tenderness of my heart would not have heated

my imagination with visions of the ineffable delight of happy love;
nor would the sweet duty of a mother have been so cruelly interrupted.

But I must not suffer the fortitude I have so hardly acquired,
to be undermined by unavailing regret. Let me hasten forward to

describe the turbid stream in which I had to wade--but let me
exultingly declare that it is passed--my soul holds fellowship with

him no more. He cut the Gordian knot, which my principles, mistaken
ones, respected; he dissolved the tie, the fetters rather, that

ate into my very vitals--and I should rejoice, conscious that my
mind is freed, though confined in hell itself, the only place that

even fancy can imagine more dreadful than my present abode.
These varying emotions will not allow me to proceed. I heave

sigh after sigh; yet my heart is still oppressed. For what am I
reserved? Why was I not born a man, or why was I born at all?

CHAPTER 9
"I RESUME my pen to fly from thought. I was married; and we hastened

to London. I had purposed taking one of my sisters with me; for
a strong motive for marrying, was the desire of having a home at

which I could receive them, now their own grew so uncomfortable,
as not to deserve the cheering appellation. An objection was made

to her accompanying me, that appeared plausible; and I reluctantly
acquiesced. I was however willingly allowed to take with me Molly,

poor Peggy's daughter. London and preferment, are ideas commonly
associated in the country; and, as blooming as May, she bade adieu

to Peggy with weeping eyes. I did not even feel hurt at the refusal
in relation to my sister, till hearing what my uncle had done for

me, I had the simplicity to request, speaking with warmth of their
situation, that he would give them a thousand pounds a-piece, which

seemed to me but justice. He asked me, giving me a kiss, 'If I
had lost my senses?' I started back, as if I had found a wasp in

a rose-bush. I expostulated. He sneered: and the demon of discord
entered our paradise, to poison with his pestiferous breath every

opening joy.
"I had sometimes observed defects in my husband's understanding;

but, led astray by a prevailing opinion, that goodness of disposition
is of the first importance in the relative situations of life, in

proportion as I perceived the narrowness of his understanding,
fancy enlarged the boundary of his heart. Fatal error! How quickly

is the so much vaunted milkiness of nature turned into gall, by an
intercourse with the world, if more generous juices do not sustain

the vital source of virtue!
"One trait in my character was extremecredulity; but, when

my eyes were once opened, I saw but too clearly all I had before
overlooked. My husband was sunk in my esteem; still there are

youthful emotions, which, for a while, fill up the chasm of love
and friendship. Besides, it required some time to enable me to

see his whole character in a just light, or rather to allow it to
become fixed. While circumstances were ripening my faculties, and

cultivating my taste, commerce and gross relaxations were shutting
his against any possibility of improvement, till, by stifling

every spark of virtue in himself, he began to imagine that it
no where existed.

"Do not let me lead you astray, my child, I do not mean to
assert, that any human being is entirely incapable of feeling the

generous emotions, which are the foundation of every true principle
of virtue; but they are frequently, I fear, so feeble, that, like

the inflammable quality which more or less lurks in all bodies,
they often lie for ever dormant; the circumstances never occurring,

necessary to call them into action.
"I discovered however by chance, that, in consequence of some

losses in trade, the natural effect of his gambling desire to start
suddenly into riches, the five thousand pounds given me by my uncle,

had been paid very opportunely. This discovery, strange as you
may think the assertion, gave me pleasure; my husband's embarrassments

endeared him to me. I was glad to find an excuse for his conduct
to my sisters, and my mind became calmer.

"My uncle introduced me to some literary society; and the
theatres were a never-failing source of amusement to me. My

delighted eye followed Mrs. Siddons, when, with dignifieddelicacy,
she played Califta; and I involuntarilyrepeated after her, in the

same tone, and with a long-drawn sigh,
'Hearts like our's were pair'd--not match'd.'

"These were, at first, spontaneous emotions, though, becoming
acquainted with men of wit and polished manners, I could not

sometimes help regretting my early marriage; and that, in my haste
to escape from a temporarydependence, and expand my newly fledged

wings, in an unknown sky, I had been caught in a trap, and caged
for life. Still the novelty of London, and the attentivefondness

of my husband, for he had some personal regard for me, made several
months glide away. Yet, not forgetting the situation of my sisters,

who were still very young, I prevailed on my uncle to settle a
thousand pounds on each; and to place them in a school near town,

where I could frequently visit, as well as have them
at home with me.

"I now tried to improve my husband's taste, but we had few
subjects in common; indeed he soon appeared to have little relish

for my society, unless he was hinting to me the use he could make
of my uncle's wealth. When we had company, I was disgusted by an

ostentatious display of riches, and I have often quitted the room,
to avoid listening to exaggerated tales of money obtained

by lucky hits.
"With all my attention and affectionate" target="_blank" title="a.亲爱的">affectionate interest, I perceived

that I could not become the friend or confident of my husband.
Every thing I learnedrelative to his affairs I gathered up by

accident; and I vainly endeavoured to establish, at our fire-side,
that social converse, which often renders people of different

characters dear to each other. Returning from the theatre, or any
amusing party, I frequently began to relate what I had seen and

highly relished; but with sullen taciturnity he soon silenced me.
I seemed therefore gradually to lose, in his society, the soul,

the energies of which had just been in action. To such a degree,
in fact, did his cold, reserved manner affect me, that, after