"MY FATHER," said Jemima, "seduced my mother, a pretty girl, with
whom he lived fellow-servant; and she no sooner perceived the
natural, the dreaded
consequence, than the terrible conviction
flashed on her--that she was ruined. Honesty, and a regard for her
reputation, had been the only principles inculcated by her mother;
and they had been so
forcibly impressed, that she feared shame,
more than the
poverty to which it would lead. Her incessant
importunities to
prevail upon my father to
screen her from reproach
by marrying her, as he had promised in the fervour of seduction,
estranged him from her so completely, that her very person became
distasteful to him; and he began to hate, as well as
despise me,
before I was born.
"My mother,
grieved to the soul by his
neglect, and unkind
treatment,
actuallyresolved" target="_blank" title="a.决心的;坚定的">
resolved to
famish herself; and injured her
health by the attempt; though she had not sufficient
resolution to
adhere to her
project, or
renounce it entirely. Death came not at
her call; yet sorrow, and the methods she adopted to
conceal her
condition, still doing the work of a house-maid, had such an effect
on her
constitution, that she died in the
wretched" target="_blank" title="a.可怜的;倒霉的">
wretchedgarret, where
her
virtuousmistress had forced her to take
refuge in the very
pangs of labour, though my father, after a slight
reproof, was
allowed to remain in his place--allowed by the mother of six
children, who, scarcely permitting a
footstep to be heard,
during her month's
indulgence, felt no
sympathy for the
poor
wretch, denied every comfort required by her situation.
"The day my mother, died, the ninth after my birth, I was
consigned to the care of the cheapest nurse my father could find;
who suckled her own child at the same time, and lodged as many more
as she could get, in two cellar-like apartments.
"Poverty, and the habit of
seeing children die off her hands,
had so hardened her heart, that the office of a mother did not
awaken the
tenderness of a woman; nor were the
feminine caresses
which seem a part of the rearing of a child, ever bestowed on me.
The chicken has a wing to shelter under; but I had no bosom to
nestle in, no
kindredwarmth to
foster me. Left in dirt, to cry
with cold and
hunger till I was weary, and sleep without ever being
prepared by exercise, or lulled by kindness to rest; could I be
expected to become any thing but a weak and rickety babe? Still,
in spite of
neglect, I continued to exist, to learn to curse
existence, [her
countenance grew
ferocious as she spoke,] and the
treatment that rendered me
miserable, seemed to
sharpen my wits.
Confined then in a damp hovel, to rock the
cradle of the succeeding
tribe, I looked like a little old woman, or a hag shrivelling into
nothing. The furrows of
reflection and care
contracted the youthful
cheek, and gave a sort of supernatural wildness to the ever watchful
eye. During this period, my father had married another
fellow-servant, who loved him less, and knew better how to manage
his
passion, than my mother. She
likewise proving with child, they
agreed to keep a shop: my step-mother, if, being an illegitimate
offspring, I may
venture thus to
characterize her, having obtained
a sum of a rich relation, for that purpose.
"Soon after her lying-in, she
prevailed on my father to take
me home, to save the expense of maintaining me, and of hiring a
girl to
assist her in the care of the child. I was young, it was
true, but appeared a
knowing little thing, and might be made handy.
Accordingly I was brought to her house; but not to a home--for a
home I never knew. Of this child, a daughter, she was extravagantly
fond; and it was a part of my
employment, to
assist to spoil her,
by
humouring all her whims, and
bearing all her caprices. Feeling
her own
consequence, before she could speak, she had
learned the
art of tormenting me, and if I ever dared to
resist, I received
blows, laid on with no compunctious hand, or was sent to bed
dinnerless, as well as supperless. I said that it was a part of
my daily labour to attend this child, with the servility of a slave;
still it was but a part. I was sent out in all seasons, and from
place to place, to carry burdens far above my strength, without
being allowed to draw near the fire, or ever being cheered by
encouragement or kindness. No wonder then, treated like a creature
of another
species, that I began to envy, and at length to hate,
the
darling of the house. Yet, I
perfectly remember, that it was
the caresses, and kind expressions of my step-mother, which first
excited my
jealousdiscontent. Once, I cannot forget it, when she
was
calling in vain her
wayward child to kiss her, I ran to her,
saying, 'I will kiss you, ma'am!' and how did my heart, which was
in my mouth, sink, what was my debasement of soul, when pushed away
with--'I do not want you, pert thing!' Another day, when a new gown
had excited the highest good
humour, and she uttered the appropriate
dear, addressed
unexpectedly to me, I thought I could never do
enough to please her; I was all alacrity, and rose proportionably
in my own estimation.
"As her daughter grew up, she was pampered with cakes and
fruit, while I was,
literallyspeaking, fed with the refuse of the
table, with her leavings. A liquorish tooth is, I believe, common
to children, and I used to steal any thing sweet, that I could
catch up with a chance of
concealment. When detected, she was not
content to chastize me herself at the moment, but, on my father's
return in the evening (he was a shopman), the
principal discourse
was to
recount my faults, and
attribute them to the
wicked disposition
which I had brought into the world with me, inherited from my
mother. He did not fail to leave the marks of his
resentment on my
body, and then solaced himself by playing with my sister.--I could
have murdered her at those moments. To save myself from these
unmerciful corrections, I resorted to falshood, and the untruths
which I sturdily maintained, were brought in judgment against me,
to support my tyrant's inhuman
charge of my natural propensity to
vice. Seeing me treated with
contempt, and always being fed and
dressed better, my sister conceived a
contemptuous opinion of me,
that proved an
obstacle to all
affection; and my father, hearing
continually of my faults, began to consider me as a curse entailed
on him for his sins: he was
therefore easily
prevailed on to bind
me
apprentice to one of my step-mother's friends, who kept a
slop-shop in Wapping. I was represented (as it was said) in my
true colours; but she, 'warranted,' snapping her fingers,
'that she should break my spirit or heart.'
"My mother replied, with a whine, 'that if any body could make
me better, it was such a clever woman as herself; though, for her
own part, she had tried in vain; but good-nature was her fault.'
"I
shudder with
horror, when I
recollect the
treatment I had
now to
endure. Not only under the lash of my task-
mistress, but
the drudge of the maid,
apprentices and children, I never had a
taste of human kindness to
soften the rigour of
perpetual labour.
I had been introduced as an object of abhorrence into the family;
as a creature of whom my step-mother, though she had been kind
enough to let me live in the house with her own child, could make
nothing. I was described as a
wretch, whose nose must be kept to
the grinding stone--and it was held there with an iron grasp. It
seemed indeed the
privilege of their superior nature to kick me
about, like the dog or cat. If I were
attentive, I was called
fawning, if refractory, an
obstinate mule, and like a mule I received
their
censure on my loaded back. Often has my
mistress, for some
instance of
forgetfulness, thrown me from one side of the kitchen
to the other, knocked my head against the wall, spit in my face,
with various refinements on barbarity that I
forbear to enumerate,
though they were all acted over again by the servant, with additional
insults, to which the appellation of
bastard, was
commonly added,
with taunts or sneers. But I will not attempt to give you
an
adequate idea of my situation, lest you, who probably have
never been drenched with the dregs of human
misery,
should think I exaggerate.
"I stole now, from
absolute necessity,--bread; yet whatever
else was taken, which I had it not in my power to take, was ascribed
to me. I was the filching cat, the ravenous dog, the dumb brute,
who must bear all; for if I endeavoured to exculpate myself, I was
silenced, without any enquiries being made, with 'Hold your tongue,
you never tell truth.' Even the very air I breathed was tainted
with scorn; for I was sent to the neighbouring shops with Glutton,
Liar, or Thief, written on my
forehead. This was, at first, the
most bitter
punishment; but
sullen pride, or a kind of stupid
desperation, made me, at length, almost
regardless of the
contempt,
which had wrung from me so many
solitary tears at the only moments
when I was allowed to rest.
"Thus was I the mark of
cruelty till my sixteenth year; and
then I have only to point out a change of
misery; for a period I