O bring me fire, and bring me frank
incense.
I'll pray, or e'er the clash of wits begin,
To judge the
strife with high
poetic skill.
Meanwhile (to the CHORUS)
invoke the Muses with a song.
CHORUS
O Muses, the daughters divine
of Zeus, the
immaculate Nine,
Who gaze from your mansions serene
on intellects subtle and keen,
When down to the
tournament lists,
in bright-polished wit they descend,
With wrestling and turnings and twists
in the battle of words to contend,
O come and behold what the two
antagonist poets can do,
Whose mouths are the swiftest to teach
grand language and filings of speech:
For now of their wits is the sternest
encounter commencing in earnest.
DIONYSUS
Ye two, put up your prayers before ye start.
AESCHYLUS
Demeter,
mistress, nourisher of my soul,
O make me
worthy of thy
mystic rites!
DIONYSUS (to EURIPIDES)
Now put on
incense, you.
EURIPIDES
Excuse me, no;
My vows are paid to other gods than these.
DIONYSUS
What, a new
coinage of your own?
EURIPIDES
Precisely.
DIONYSUS
Pray then to them, those private gods of yours.
EURIPIDES
Ether, my
pasture, volubly-rolling tongue,
Intelligent wit and
critic nostrils keen,
O well and neatly may I
trounce his plays!
CHORUS
We also are yearning from these to be learning
Some
statelymeasure, some
majestic grand
Movement telling of conflicts nigh.
Now for battle arrayed they stand,
Tongues embittered, and anger high.
Each has got a venturesome will,
Each an eager and
nimble mind;
One will wield, with
artistic skill,
Clearcut phrases, and wit refined;
Then the other, with words defiant,
Stern and strong, like an angry giant
Laying on with uprooted trees,
Soon will scatter a world of these
Superscholastic subtleties.
DIONYSUS
Now then,
commence your arguments,
and mind you both display
True wit, not metaphors, nor things
which any fool could say.
EURIPIDES
As for myself, good people all,
I'll tell you by-and-by
My own
poetic worth and claims;
but first of all I'll try
To show how this portentous quack
beguiled the silly fools
Whose tastes were nurtured, ere he came,
in Phrynichus's schools.
He'd bring some single
mourner on,
seated and veiled, 'twould be
Achilles, say, or Niobe
-the face you could not see-
An empty show of
tragic woe,
who uttered not one thing.
DIONYSUS
'Tis true.
EURIPIDES
Then in the Chorus came, and rattled off a string
four
continuous lyric odes:
the
mourner never stirred.
DIONYSUS
I liked it too. I sometimes think
that I those mutes preferred
To all your chatterers now-a-days.
EURIPIDES
Because, if you must know,
You were an ass.
DIONYSUS
An ass, no doubt;
what made him do it though?
EURIPIDES
That was his quackery, don't you see,
to set the
audience guessing
When Niobe would speak; meanwhile,
the drama was progressing.
DIONYSUS
The
rascal, how he took me in!
'Twas
shameful, was it not?
(To AESCHYLUS) What makes you stamp and fidget so?
EURIPIDES
He's catching it so hot.
So when he had humbugged thus awhile,
and now his
wretched play
Was halfway through, a dozen words,
great wild-bull words, he'd say,
Fierce Bugaboos, with bristling crests,
and
shaggy eyebrows too,
Which not a soul could understand.
AESCHYLUS
O heavens!
DIONYSUS
Be quiet, do.
EURIPIDES
But not one single word was clear.
DIONYSUS
St! don't your teeth be gnashing.
EURIPIDES
'Twas all Scamanders, moated camps,
and griffin-eagles flashing
In burnished
copper on the shields,
chivalric-precipice-high
Expressions, hard to comprehend.
DIONYSUS
Aye, by the Powers, and
Full many a
sleepless night have spent
in
anxious thought, because
I'd find the tawny cock-horse out,
what sort of bird it was!
AESCHYLUS
It was a sign, you
stupid dolt,
engraved the ships upon.
DIONYSUS
Eryxis I
supposed it was,
Philoxenus's son.
EURIPIDES
Now really should a cock be brought
into a
tragic play?
AESCHYLUS
You enemy gods and men,
what was your practice, pray?
EURIPIDES
No cock-horse in my plays, by Zeus,
no goat-stag there you'll see,
Such figures as are blazoned forth
in Median tapestry.
When first I took the art from you,
bloated and swoln, poor thing,
With turgid gasconading words
and heavy dieting,
First I reduced and toned her down,
and made her slim and neat
With wordlets and with exercise
and poultices of beet,
And next a dose of chatterjuice,
distilled from books, I gave her,
And monodies she took, with sharp
Cephisophon for flavour.
I never used haphazard words,
or plunged
abruptly in;
Who entered first explained at large
the drama's origin
And source.
AESCHYLUS
Its source, I really trust,
was better than your own.
EURIPIDES
Then from the very
opening lines
no
idleness was shown;
The
mistress talked with all her might,
the servant talked as much,
The master talked, the
maiden talked,
the beldame talked.
An
outrage was not death your due?
EURIPIDES
No, by Apollo, no:
That was my democratic way.
DIONYSUS
Ah, let that topic go.
Your record is not there, my friend,
particularly good.
EURIPIDES
Then next I taught all these to speak.
AESCHYLUS
You did so, and I would
That ere such
mischief you had wrought,
your very rungs had split.
EURIPIDES
Canons of verse I introduced,
and neatly chiselled wit;
To look, to scan: to plot, to plan:
to twist, to turn, to woo:
On all to spy; in all to pry.
AESCHYLUS
You did: I say so too.
EURIPIDES
I showed them scenes of common life,
the things we know and see,
Where any
blunder would at once
by all detected be.
I never blustered on, or took
their
breath and wits away