That won't worry him much, for has he not gained them by perjury?
PRAXAGORA
But his
riches will no longer be of any use to him.
BLEPYRUS
Why?
PRAXAGORA
The poor will no longer be obliged to work; each will have all
that he needs, bread, salt fish, cakes, tunics, wine, chaplets and
chick-pease; of what
advantage will it be to him not to
contribute his
share to the common
wealth? What do you think of it?
BLEPYRUS
But is it not the biggest robbers that have all these things?
CHREMES
Yes,
formerly, under the old order of things; but now that all
goods are in common, what will he gain by not bringing his
wealth into
the general stock?
BLEPYRUS
If someone saw a pretty wench and wished to lay her, he would take
some of his reserve store to make her a present and stay the night
with her; this would not prevent him claiming his share of the
common property.
PRAXAGORA
But he can sleep with her for nothing; I intend that women shall
belong to all men in common, and each shall beget children by any
man that wishes to have her.
BLEPYRUS
But all will go to the prettiest woman and try to lay her.
PRAXAGORA
The ugliest and the most flat-nosed will be side by side with
the most
charming, and to win the latter's favours, a man will first
have to get into the former.
BLEPYRUS
But what about us oldsters? If we have to lay the old women first,
how can we keep our tools from failing before we get into the Promised
Land?
PRAXAGORA
They will make no
resistance. Never fear; they will make no
resistance.
BLEPYRUS
Resistance to what?
PRAXAGORA
To the pleasure of the thing. This is the way that matters will be
ordered for you.
BLEPYRUS
It's very well conceived for you women, for every wench's hole
will be filled; but what about the men? The women will run away from
the ugly ones and chase the good-looking.
PRAXAGORA
The ugly will follow the handsomest into the public places after
supper and see to it that the law, which forbids the women to sleep
with the big, handsome men before having satisfied the ugly shrimps,
is complied with.
BLEPYRUS
Thus ugly Lysicrates' nose will be as proud as the handsomest
face?
PRAXAGORA
Yes, by Apollo! this is a truly popular
decree, and what a
set-back it will be for one of those elegants with their fingers
loaded with rings, when a man with heavy shoes says to him, "Give
way to me and wait till I have done; you will pass in after me."
BLEPYRUS
But if we live in this fashion, how will each one know his
children?
PRAXAGORA
The youngest will look upon the oldest as their fathers.
BLEPYRUS
Ah! how
heartily they will strangle all the old men, since even
now, when each one knows his father, they make no bones about
strangling him! then, my word! won't they just scorn and crap upon the
old folks!
PRAXAGORA
But those around will prevent it. Hitherto, when anyone saw an old
man
beaten, he would not
meddle, because it did not concern him;
buff now each will fear the
sufferer may be his own father and such
violence will be stopped.
BLEPYRUS
What you say is not so silly after all; but it would be highly
unpleasant were Epicurus and Leucolophas to come up and call me
father.
CHREMES
But it would be far worse, were...
BLEPYRUS
Were what?
CHREMES
...Aristyllus to
embrace you and style you his father.
BLEPYRUS
He'll regret it if he does!
CHREMES
For you would smell vilely of mint if he kissed you. But he was
born before the
decree was carried, so that you have not to fear his
kiss.
BLEPYRUS
It would be awful. But who will till the soil?
PRAXAGORA
The slaves. Your only cares will be to scent yourself, and to go
and dine, when the shadow of the gnomon is ten feet long on the dial.
BLEPYRUS
But how shall we
obtain clothing? Tell me that!
PRAXAGORA
You will first wear out those you have, and then we women will
weave you others.
BLEPYRUS
Now another point: if the magistrates
condemn a citizen to the
payment of a fine, how is he going to do it? Out of the public
funds? That would not be right surely.
PRAXAGORA
But there will be no more lawsuits.
BLEPYRUS
This rule will ruin you.
CHREMES
I think so too.
PRAXAGORA
Besides, my dear, why should there be lawsuits?
BLEPYRUS
Oh! for a thousand reasons, on my faith! Firstly, because a debtor
denies his obligation.
PRAXAGORA
But where will the lender get the money to lend, if all is in
common? unless he steals it out of the treasury? and he could not hide
that!
CHREMES
Well thought out, by Demeter!
BLEPYRUS
But tell me this: here are some men who are returning from a feast
and are drunk and they strike some passer-by; how are they going to
pay the fine? Ah! you are puzzled now!
PRAXAGORA
They will have to take it out of their pittance; and being thus
punished through their belly, they will not care to begin again.
BLEPYRUS
There will be no more
thieves then, eh?
PRAXAGORA
Why steal, if you have a share of everything?
BLEPYRUS
People will not be robbed any more at night?
CHREMES
Not if you sleep at home.
PRAXAGORA
Even if you sleep outdoors there will be no more danger, for all
will have the means of living. Besides, if anyone wanted to steal your
cloak, you would give it to him yourself. Why not? You will only
have to go to the common store and be given a better one.
BLEPYRUS
There will be no more playing at dice?
PRAXAGORA
What object will there be in playing?
BLEPYRUS
But what kind of life is it you propose to set up?
PRAXAGORA
The life in common. Athens will become nothing more than a
single house, in which everything will belong to
everyone; so that
everybody will be able to go from one house to the other at pleasure.
BLEPYRUS
And where will the meals be served?
PRAXAGORA
The law-courts and the porticoes will be turned into dining-halls.
BLEPYRUS
And what will the speaker's
platform be used for?
PRAXAGORA
I shall place the bowls and the ewers there; and young children
will sing the glory of the brave from there, also the infamy of
cowards, who out of very shame will no longer dare to come to the
public meals.
BLEPYRUS
Well thought out, by Apollo! And what will you do with the urns?
PRAXAGORA
I shall have them taken to the market-place, and
standing close to
the
statue of Harmodius, I shall draw a lot for each citizen, which by
its letter will show the place where he must go to dine. Thus, those
for whom I have drawn an R will go to the royal portico; if it's a
T, they will go to the portico of Theseus; if it's an F, to that of
the flour-market.
BLEPYRUS
To cram himself there like a capon?
PRAXAGORA
No, to dine there.
BLEPYRUS
And the citizen whom the lot has not given a letter showing
where he is to dine will be
driven off by
everyone?
PRAXAGORA (with great solemnity)
But that will not occur. Each man will have plenty; he will not
leave the feast until he is well drunk, and then with a chaplet on his
head and a torch in his hand; and then the women
running to meet you
in the crossroads will say, "This way, come to our house, you will
find a beautiful young girl there."-"And I," another will call from
her
balcony, "have one so pretty and as white as milk; but before
touching her, you must sleep with me." And the ugly men, watching
closely after the handsome fellows, will say, "Hi! friend, where are
you
running to? Go in, but you must do nothing; it's the ugly and
the flat-nosed to whom the law gives the right to make love first;
amuse yourself on the porch while you wait, in handling your
fig-leaves and playing with yourself." Well, tell me, does that
picture suit you?
BLEPYRUS AND CHREMES
Marvellously well.
PRAXAGORA
I must now go to the market-place to receive the property that
is going to be placed in common and to choose a woman with a loud
voice as my
herald. I have all the cares of state on my shoulders,
since the power has been entrusted to me. I must
likewise go to busy
myself about establishing the common meals, and you will attend your