Yes, by Artemis, and neat wine too. That's why their decrees
breathe of
drunkenness and
madness. And why libations, why so many
ceremonies, if wine plays no part in them? Besides, they abuse each
other like
drunken men, and you can see the archers dragging more than
one uproarious
drunkard out of the market-place.
PRAXAGORA
Go back to your seat, you are wandering.
SECOND WOMAN (returning to her seat)
Ah! I should have done better not to have muffled myself in this
beard; my throat's afire and I feel I shall die of thirst.
PRAXAGORA
Who else wishes to speak?
FIRST WOMAN (rising)
I do.
PRAXAGORA
Quick then, take the chaplet; the time's
running short. Try to
speak worthily, let your language be truly manly, and lean on your
staff with dignity.
FIRST WOMAN
I had rather have seen one of your regular
orators giving you wise
advice; but, as that is not to be, it behoves me to break silence; I
cannot, for my part indeed, allow the tavern-keepers to fill up
their wine-pits with water. No, by the two goddesses...
PRAXAGORA
What? by the two goddesses! Wretched woman, where are your senses?
FIRST WOMAN
Eh! what?... I have not asked you for a drink.
PRAXAGORA
No, but you want to pass for a man, and you swear by the two
goddesses. Otherwise you did very well.
FIRST WOMAN
Well then. By Apollo...
PRAXAGORA
Stop! All these details of language must be adjusted; else it is
quite
useless to go to the Assembly.
FIRST WOMAN
Give me back the chaplet; I wish to speak again, for I think I
have got hold of something good. You women who are listening to me...
PRAXAGORA
Women again; why, you
wretched creature, it's men that you are
addressing.
FIRST WOMAN
That's the fault of Epigonus; I caught sight of him way over
there, and I thought I was
speaking to women.
PRAXAGORA
Come,
withdraw and remain seated in the future. I am going to take
this chaplet myself and speak in your name. May the gods grant success
to my plans! My country is as dear to me as it is to you, and I groan,
I am grieved at all that is
happening in it. Scarcely one in ten of
those who rule it is honest, and all the others are bad. If you
appoint fresh chiefs, they will do still worse. It is hard to
correct your peevish
humour; you fear those who love you and throw
yourselves at the feet of those who
betray you. There was a time
when we had no assemblies, and then we all thought Agyrrhius a
dishonest man; now they are established, he who gets money thinks
everything is as it should be, and he who does not, declares all who
sell their votes to be
worthy of death.
SECOND WOMAN
By Aphrodite, that is well
spoken.
PRAXAGORA
Why,
wretched woman, you have
actually called upon Aphrodite.
Oh! what a fine thing it would have been if you had said that in the
Assembly!
SECOND WOMAN
But I would not have done it then.
PRAXAGORA
Well, mind you don't fall into the habit. (Resuming the
oratorical
manner) When we were discussing the
alliance, it seemed as though it
were all over with Athens if it fell through. No sooner was it made
than we were vexed and angry, and the
orator who had caused its
adoption was compelled to seek safety in
flight. Is there talk of
equipping a fleet? The poor man says, yes, but the rich citizen and
the
countryman say, no. You were angered against the Corinthians and
they with you; now they are well disposed towards you, be so towards
them. As a rule the Argives are dull, but the Argive Hieronymus is a
distinguished chief. Herein lies a spark of hope; but Thrasybulus is
far from Athens and you do not recall him.
SECOND WOMAN
Oh! what a
brilliant man!
PRAXAGORA (to her)
That's better! that's
fittingapplause. (Continuing her speech)
Citizens, you are the ones who are the cause of all this trouble.
You vote yourselves salaries out of the public funds and care only for
your own personal interests; hence the state limps along like Aesimus.
But if you
hearken to me, you will be saved. I
assert that the
direction of affairs must be handed over to the women, for they are
the ones who have
charge and look after our households.
ALL THE WOMEN
Very good, very good, that's perfect! Go on, go on.
PRAXAGORA (ignoring this interruption)
They are worth more than you are, as I shall prove. First of all
they wash all their wool in warm water, according to the ancient
practice; you will never see them changing their method. Ah! if Athens
only acted thus, if it did not take delight in ceaseless
innovations, would not its happiness be
assured? Then the women sit
down to cook, just as they always did; they carry things on their head
just as they always did; they keep the Thesmophoria, just as they
always did; they knead their cakes just as they always did; they
make their husbands angry just as they always did; they receive
their lovers in their houses just as they always did; they buy
dainties just as they always did; they love unmixed wine just as
they always did; they delight in being loved just as they always
did. Let us
therefore hand Athens over to them without endless
discussions, without bothering ourselves about what they will do;
let us simply hand them over the power, remembering that they are
mothers and will
therefore spare the blood of our soldiers; besides,
who will know better than a mother how to forward provisions to the
front? Woman is adept at getting money for herself and will not easily
let herself be deceived; she understands
deceit too well herself. I
omit a thousand other advantages. Take my advice and you will live
in perfect happiness.
FIRST WOMAN
How beautiful this is, my dearest Praxagora, how clever! But
where, pray, did you learn all these pretty things?
PRAXAGORA
When the countryfolk were seeking
refuge in the city, I lived on
the Pnyx with my husband, and there I
learnt to speak through
listening to the
orators.
FIRST WOMAN
Then, dear, it's not
astonishing that you are so
eloquent and
clever, henceforward you shall be our leader, so put your great
ideas into
execution. But if Cephalus belches forth
insults against
you, what answer will you give him in the Assembly?
PRAXAGORA
I shall say that he is drivelling.
FIRST WOMAN
But all the world knows that.
PRAXAGORA
I shall
furthermore say that he is a raving madman.
FIRST WOMAN
There's nobody who does not know that.
PRAXAGORA
That he, as excellent a
statesman as he is, is a
clumsy potter.
FIRST WOMAN
And if the blear-eyed Neoclides comes to
insult you?
PRAXAGORA
To him I shall say, "Go and look at a dog's arse."
FIRST WOMAN
And if they fly at you?
PRAXAGORA
Oh! I shall shake them off as best I can; never fear, I know how
to use this too!
FIRST WOMAN
But there is one thing we don't think of. If the Scythians drag
you away, what will you do?
PRAXAGORA
With my arms akimbo like this, I will never, never let myself be
taken round the middle.
FIRST WOMAN
If they seize you, we will bid them let you go.
SECOND WOMAN
That's the best way. But how are we going to remember to lift
our arms in the Assembly when it's our legs we are used to lifting?
PRAXAGORA
It's difficult; yet it must be done, and the arm shown naked to
the shoulder in order to vote. Quick now, put on these tunics and
these Laconian shoes, as you see the men do each time they go to the
Assembly or for a walk. When this is done, fix on your beards, and
when they are arranged in the best way possible, dress yourselves in
the cloaks you have
stolen from your husbands; finally start off,
leaning on your staffs and singing some old man's song as the
villagers do.
FIRST WOMAN
Well
spoken; and let us hurry to get to the Pnyx before the
women from the country, for they will no doubt not fail to come there.
PRAXAGORA
Quick, quick, for it's the custom that those who are not at the
Pnyx early in the morning return home empty-handed.
(PRAXAGORA and the FIRST and SECOND WOMEN depart; those who are
left behind form the CHORUS.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Move forward, citizens, move forward; let us not forget to give
ourselves this name and may that of woman never slip out of our
mouths; woe to us, if it were discovered that we had laid such a
plot in the darkness of night.
CHORUS (singing)
Let us go to the Assembly then, fellow-citizens; for the
Thesmothetes have declared that only those who arrive at
daybreak with
haggard eye and covered with dust, without having snatched time to eat
anything but a snack of garlic-pickle, shall alone receive the
triobolus. Walk up smartly, Charitimides, Smicythus and Draces, and do
not fail in any point of your part; let us first demand our fee and
then vote for all that may
perchance be useful for our partisans....
Ah! what am I
saying? I meant to say, for our fellow-citizens. Let
us drive away these men of the city who used to stay at home and
chatter round the table in the days when only an obolus was paid,
whereas now one is stifled by the crowds at the Pnyx. No! during the
archonship of
generous Myronides, none would have dared to let himself
be paid for the trouble he spent over public business; each one
brought his own meal of bread, a couple of onions, three olives and
some wine in a little wine-skin. But nowadays we run here to earn
the three obols, for the citizen has become as
mercenary as the
stonemason.
(The CHORUS marches away. BLEPYRUS appears in the
doorway of his
house, wearing PRAXAGORA's Persian sandals and saffron robe.)
BLEPYRUS
What does this mean? My wife has vanished! it is nearly
daybreakand she does not return! I had to take a crap! I woke up and hunted in
the darkness for my shoes and my cloak; but grope where I would, I
couldn't find them. Meanwhile Mr. O'Shit was already knocking on the
door and I had only just time to seize my wife's little
mantle and her