of government, they will
forcibly compel us...
CHREMES
To do what?
BLEPYRUS
...to lay them.
CHREMES
And if we are not able?
BLEPYRUS
They will give us no dinner.
CHREMES
Well then, do your duty; dinner and love-making form a double
enjoyment.
BLEPYRUS
Ah! but I hate compulsion.
CHREMES
But if it is for the public good, let us
resign ourselves. It's an
old
saying that our absurdest and maddest decrees always somehow
turn out for our good. May it be so in this case, oh gods, oh
venerable Pallas! But I must be off; so, good-bye to you!
(Exit.)
BLEPYRUS
Good-bye, Chremes.
(He goes back into his house.)
CHORUS (returning from the Assembly, still dressed like men;
singing)
March along, go forward. Is there some man following us? Turn
round, examine everywhere and keep a good look-out; be on your guard
against every trick, for they might spy on us from behind. Let us make
as much noise as possible as we tramp. It would be a
disgrace for
all of us if we allowed ourselves to be caught in this deed by the
men. Come, wrap yourselves up well, and search both right and left, so
that no mischance may happen to us. Let us
hasten our steps; here we
are close to the meeting-place
whence we started for the Assembly, and
here is the house of our leader, the author of this bold
scheme, which
is now decreed by all the citizens. Let us not lose a moment in taking
off our false beards, for we might be recognized and denounced. Let us
stand under the shadow of this wall; let us glance round sharply
with our eye to
beware of surprises, while we quickly resume our
ordinary dress. Ah! here is our leader, returning from the Assembly.
Hasten to
relieve your chins of these flowing manes. Look at your
comrades yonder; they have already made themselves women again some
while ago.
(They remove the beards as PRAXAGORA and the other women enter
from the right through the Orchestra.)
PRAXAGORA
Friends, success has crowned our plans. But off with these
cloaks and these boots quick, before any man sees you; unbuckle the
Laconian straps and get rid of your staffs; (to the LEADER) and you
help them with their
toilet. As for myself, I am going to slip quietly
into the house and
replace my husband's cloak and other gear where I
took them from, before he can
suspect anything.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
There! it's done according to your bidding. Now tell us how we can
be of service to you, so that we may show you our
obedience, for we
have never seen a cleverer woman than you.
PRAXAGORA
Wait! I only wish to use the power given me in
accordance with
your wishes; for, in the market-place, in the midst of the shouts
and danger, I appreciated your
indomitable courage.
(Just as she is about to enter the house BLEPYRUS appears in the
doorway.)
BLEPYRUS
Eh, Praxagora! where are you coming from?
PRAXAGORA
How does that concern you, dear?
BLEPYRUS
Why, greatly! what a silly question!
PRAXAGORA
You don't think I have come from a lover's?
BLEPYRUS
No, perhaps not from only one.
PRAXAGORA
You can make yourself sure of that.
BLEPYRUS
And how?
PRAXAGORA
You can see whether my hair smells of
perfume.
BLEPYRUS
What? cannot a woman possibly be laid without
perfume, eh!
PRAXAGORA
The gods forfend, as far as I am concerned.
BLEPYRUS
Why did you go off at early dawn with my cloak?
PRAXAGORA
Acompanion, a friend who was in labour, had sent to fetch me.
BLEPYRUS
Could you not have told me?
PRAXAGORA
Oh, my dear, would you have me caring nothing for a poor woman
in that plight?
BLEPYRUS
A word would have been enough. There's something behind all this.
PRAXAGORA
No, I call the goddesses to
witness! I went
running off; the
poor woman who summoned me begged me to come,
whatever might betide.
BLEPYRUS
And why did you not take your
mantle? Instead of that, you carry
of mine, you throw your dress upon the bed and you leave me as the
dead are left, bar the chaplets and
perfumes.
PRAXAGORA
It was cold, and I am frail and
delicate; I took your cloak for
greater
warmth, leaving you
thoroughly warm yourself beneath your
coverlets.
BLEPYRUS
And my shoes and staff, those too went off with you?
PRAXAGORA
I was afraid they might rob me of the cloak, and so, to look
like a man, I put on your shoes and walked with a heavy tread and
struck the stones with your staff.
BLEPYRUS
D'you know you have made us lose a sextary of wheat, which I
should have bought with the triobolus of the Assembly?
PRAXAGORA
Be comforted, for she had a boy.
BLEPYRUS
Who? the Assembly?
PRAXAGORA
No, no, the woman I helped. But has the Assembly taken place then?
BLEPYRUS
Did I not tell you of it yesterday?
PRAXAGORA
True; I remember now.
BLEPYRUS
And don't you know the decrees that have been voted?
PRAXAGORA
No indeed.
BLEPYRUS
Go to! you can live on
lobster from now on, for they say the
government is handed over to you.
PRAXAGORA
To do what-to spin?
BLEPYRUS
No, that you may rule...
PRAXAGORA
What?
BLEPYRUS
...over all public business.
PRAXAGORA (as she exclaims this CHREMES reappears)
Oh! by Aphrodite how happy Athens will be!
BLEPYRUS
Why so?
PRAXAGORA
For a thousand reasons. None will dare now to do shameless
deeds, give false
testimony or lay informations.
BLEPYRUS
Stop! in the name of the gods! Do you want me to die of hunger?
CHREMES
Good sir, let your wife speak.
PRAXAGORA
There will be no more
thieves, nor
envious people, no more rags
nor
misery, no more abuse and no more prosecutions and law-suits.
CHREMES
By Posidon! that's grand, if it's true!
PRAXAGORA
I shall prove it and you shall be my
witness and even he (pointing
to Blepyrus) will have no objections to raise.
CHORUS (singing)
You have served your friends, but now it behoves you to apply your
ability and your care to the
welfare of the people. Devote the
fecundity of your mind to the public weal; adorn the citizens' lives
with a thousand enjoyments and teach them to seize every favourable
opportunity. Devise some
ingenious method to secure the much-needed
salvation of Athens; but let neither your acts nor your words recall
anything of the past, for 'tis only innovations that please.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But do not fail to put your plans into
execution immediately; it's
quick action that pleases the audience.
PRAXAGORA
I believe my ideas are good, but what I fear is that the public
will cling to the old customs and refuse to accept my reforms.
CHREMES
Have no fear about that. Love of
novelty and
disdain for
traditions, these are the dominating principles among us.
PRAXAGORA (to the audience)
Let none
contradict nor
interrupt me until I have explained my
plan. I want all to have a share of everything and all property to
be in common; there will no longer be either rich or poor; no longer
shall we see one man harvesting vast tracts of land, while another has
not ground enough to be buried in, nor one man surround himself with a
whole army of slaves, while another has not a single
attendant; I
intend that there shan only be one and the same condition of life
for all.
BLEPYRUS
But how do you mean for all?
PRAXAGORA (impatiently)
You'll eat dung before I do!
BLEPYRUS
Won't the dung be common too?
PRAXAGORA
No, no, but you
interrupted me too soon. This is what I was
going to say; I shall begin by making land, money, everything that
is private property, common to all. Then we shall live on this
common
wealth, which we shall take care to
administer with wise
thrift.
BLEPYRUS
And how about the man who has no land, but only gold and silver
coins, that cannot be seen?
PRAXAGORA
He must bring them to the common stock, and if he fails he will be
a perjured man.
BLEPYRUS