LAMACHUS
They were elected.
DICAEOPOLIS
And why do you always receive your pay, when none of these
others ever gets any? Speak, Marilades, you have grey hair; well then,
have you ever been entrusted with a
mission? See! he shakes his
head. Yet he is an as well as a
prudent man. And you, Anthracyllus
or Euphorides or Prinides, have you knowledge of Ecbatana or
Chaonia? You say no, do you not? Such offices are good for the son
of Coesyra and Lamachus, who, but
yesterday ruined with debt, never
pay their shot, and whom all their friends avoid as foot passengers
dodge the folks who empty their slops out of window.
LAMACHUS
Oh! in freedom's name! are such exaggerations to be borne?
DICAEOPOLIS
Not unless Lamachus gets paid for it.
LAMACHUS
But I propose always to war with the Peloponnesians, both at
sea, on land and everywhere to make them tremble, and
trounce them
soudly.
(He goes back into his house.)
DICAEOPOLIS
For my own part, I make
proclamation to all Peloponnesians,
Megarians and Boeotians, that to them my markets are open; but I debar
Lamachus from entering them.
(He goes into his house.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Convinced by this man's speech, the folk have changed their view
and
approve him for having concluded peace. But let us prepare for the
recital of the parabasis.
(The CHORUS moves forward and faces the audience.)
Never since our poet presented comedies, has he praised himself
upon the stage; but, having been slandered by his enemies amongst
the volatile Athenians, accused of scoffing at his country and of
insulting the people, to-day he wishes to reply and
regain for himself
the inconstant Athenians. He maintains that he has done much that is
good for you; if you no longer allow yourselves to be too much
hoodwinked by strangers or seduced by
flattery, if in
politics you are
no longer the ninnies you once were, it is thanks to him. Formerly,
when delegates from other cities wanted to
deceive you, they had but
to style you, "the people crowned with violets," and at the word
"violets" you at once sat erect on the tips of your bums. Or if, to
tickle your
vanity, someone spoke of "rich and sleek Athens," in
return for that "sleekness" he would get anything he wanted, because
he spoke of you as he would have of anchovies in oil. In cautioning
you against such wiles, the poet has done you great service as well as
in forcing you to understand what is really the democratic
principle. Thus the strangers, who came to pay their tributes,
wanted to see this great poet, who had dared to speak the truth to
Athens. And so far has the fame of his
boldness reached that one day
the Great King, when questioning the Lacedaemonian delegates, first
asked them which of the two rival cities was the superior at sea,
and then immediately demanded at which it was that the comic poet
directed his
bitingsatire. "Happy that city," he added, "if it
listens to his
counsel; it will grow in power, and its
victory is
assured." This is why the Lacedaemonians offer you peace, if you
will cede them Aegina; not that they care for the isle, but they
wish to rob you of your poet. As for you, never lose him, who will
always fight for the cause of justice in his comedies; he promises you
that his precepts will lead you to happiness, though he uses neither
flattery, nor bribery, nor intrigue, nor
deceit; instead of loading
you with praise, he will point you to the better way. I scoff at
Cleon's tricks and plotting;
honesty and justice shall fight my cause;
never will you find me a political poltroon, a prostitute to the
highest bidder.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS (singing) I
invoke thee, Acharnian Muse,
fierceand fell as the devouring fire; sudden as the spark that bursts from
the crackling oaken coal when roused by the quickening fan to fry
little fishes, while others knead the dough or whip the sharp
Thasian
pickle with rapid hand, so break forth, my Muse, and inspire
thy tribesmen with rough,
vigorous,
stirring strains.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
We others, now old men and heavy with years, we
reproach the city;
so many are the victories we have gained for the Athenian fleets
that we well
deserve to be cared for in our declining life; yet far
from this, we are ill-used, harassed with law-suits, delivered over to
the scorn of stripling orators. Our minds and bodies being ravaged
with age, Posidon should protect us, yet we have no other support than
a staff. When
standing before the judge, we can scarcely
stammer forth
the fewest words, and of justice we see but its barest shadow, whereas
the accuser,
desirous of conciliating the younger men, overwhelms us
with his ready
rhetoric; he drags us before the judge, presses us with
questions, lays traps for us; the onslaught troubles, upsets and ruins
poor old Tithonus, who, crushed with age, stands tongue-tied;
sentenced to a fine, he weeps, he sobs and says to his friend, "This
fine robs me of the last
trifle that was to have bought my coffin."
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
Is this not a
scandal? What! the clepsydra is to kill the
white-haired
veteran, who, in
fierce fighting, has so oft covered
himself with
glorious sweat, whose
valour at Marathon saved the
country! We were the ones who
pursued on the field of Marathon,
whereas now it is wretches who
pursue us to the death and crush us.
What would Marpsias reply to this?
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
What an
injustice that a man, bent with age like Thucydides,
should be brow-beaten by this braggart
advocate, Cephisodemus, who
is as
savage as the Scythian desert he was born in! I wept tears of
pity when I saw a Scythian maltreat this old man, who, by Ceres,
when he was young and the true Thucydides, would not have permitted an
insult from Ceres herself! At that date he would have floored ten
orators like Euathlus, he would have terrified three thousand
Scythians with his shouts; he would have pierced the whole line of the
enemy with his shafts. Ah! but if you will not leave the aged in
peace,
decree that the
advocates be matched; thus the old man will
only be confronted with a toothless greybeard, the young will fight
with the braggart, the
ignoble with the son of Clinias; make law
that in the future, the old man can only be summoned and convicted
at the courts by the aged and the young man by the youth.
DICAEOPOLIS (coming out of his house and marking out a square in
front of it)
These are the confines of my market-place. All Peloponnesians,
Megarians, Boeotians, have the right to come and trade here,
provided they sell their wares to me and not to Lamachus. As
market-inspectors I
appoint these three whips of Leprean leather,
chosen by lot. Warned away are all informers and all men of Phasis.
They are bringing me the
pillar on which the treaty is inscribed and I
shall erect it in the centre of the market, well in sight of all.
(He goes back into the house just as a Megarian enters from the
left, carrying a sack on his shoulder and followed by his two
little daughters.)
MEGARIAN
Hail! market of Athens,
beloved of Megarians. Let Zeus, the patron
of friendship,
witness, I regretted you as a mother mourns her son.
Come, poor little daughters of an
unfortunate father, try to find
something to eat; listen to me with the full heed of an empty belly.
Which would you prefer? To be sold or to cry with
hunger?
DAUGHTERS
To be sold, to be sold!
MEGARIAN
That is my opinion too. But who would make so sorry a deal as to
buy you? Ah! I recall me a Megarian trick; I am going to disguise
you as little porkers, that I am
offering for sale. Fit your hands
with these hoofs and take care to appear the issue of a sow of good
breed, for, if I am forced to take you back to the house, by Hermes!
you will suffer
cruelly of
hunger! Then fix on these snouts and cram
yourselves into this sack. Forget not to grunt and to say wee-wee like
the little pigs that are sacrificed in the Mysteries. I must summon
Dicaeopolis. Where is be? (Loudly) Dicaeopolis, do you want to buy
some nice little porkers?
DICAEOPOLIS (coming out of his house)
Who are you? a Megarian?
MEGARIAN
I have come to your market.
DICAEOPOLIS
Well, how are things at Megara?
MEGARIAN
We are crying with
hunger at our
firesides.
DICAEOPOLIS
The
fireside is jolly enough with a piper. But what else is
doing at Megara?
MEGARIAN
What else? When I left for the market, the authorities were taking
steps to let us die in the quickest manner.
DICAEOPOLIS
That is the best way to get you out of all your troubles.
MEGARIAN
True.
DICAEOPOLIS
What other news of Megara? What is wheat selling at?
MEGARIAN
With us it is valued as highly as the very gods in heaven!
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it salt that you are bringing?
MEGARIAN
Aren't you the ones that are
holding back the salt?
DICAEOPOLIS
Is it
garlic then?
MEGARIAN
What!
garlic! do you not at every raid like mice grub up the
ground with your pikes to pull out every single head?
DICAEOPOLIS
What are you bringing then?
MEGARIAN
Little sows, like those they immolate at the Mysteries.
DICAEOPOLIS
Ah! very well, show me them.
MEGARIAN
They are very fine; feel their weight. See! how fat and fine.
DICAEOPOLIS (feeling around in the sack)
Hey! what's this?
MEGARIAN
A sow.
DICAEOPOLIS
A sow, you say? Where from, then?
MEGARIAN
From Megara. What! isn't it a sow then?
DICAEOPOLIS (feeling around in the sack again)
No, I don't believe it is.
MEGARIAN
This is too much! what an
incredulous man! He says it's not a sow;
but we will stake, if you will, a
measure of salt ground up with
thyme, that in good Greek this is called a sow and nothing else.
DICAEOPOLIS
But a sow of the human kind.
MEGARIAN
Without question, by Diocles! of my own breed! Well! What think
you? would you like to hear them squeal?
DICAEOPOLIS
Yes, I would.
MEGARIAN
Cry quickly, wee sowlet;
squeak up, hussy, or by Hermes! I take you