酷兔英语

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(Intoning)
Now come, my Pegasus, get a-going with up-pricked ears and make

your golden bridleresound gaily. Eh! what are you doing? What are you
up to? Do you turn your nose towards the cesspools? Come, pluck up a

spirit; rush upwards from the earth, stretch out your speedy wings and
make straight for the palace of Zeus; for once give up foraging in

your daily food.-Hi! you down there, what are you after now? Oh! my
god! it's a man taking a crap in the Piraeus, close to the

whorehouses. But is it my death you seek then, my death? Will you
not bury that right away and pile a great heap of earth upon it and

plant wild thyme therein and pour perfumes on it? If I were to fall
from up here and misfortune happened to me, the town of Chios would

owe a fine of five talents for my death, all because of your damned
arse.

(Speaking)
Alas! how frightened I am! oh! I have no heart for jests. Ah!

machinist, take great care of me. There is already a wind whirling
round my navel; take great care or, from sheer fright, I shall form

food for my beetle.... But I think I am no longer far from the gods;
aye, that is the dwelling of Zeus, I perceive. (The beetle descends

and comes to a halt in front of the house of ZEUS. TRYGAEUS
dismounts and knocks at the door.) Hullo! Hi! where is the doorkeeper?

Will no one open?
HERMES (from within)

I think I can sniff a man. (Opening the door) Why, what plague
is this?

TRYGAEUS
A horse-beetle.

HERMES
Oh! impudent, shameless rascal! oh! scoundrel! triplescoundrel!

the greatest scoundrel in the world! how did you come here? Oh!
scoundrel of all scoundrels! your name? Reply.

TRYGAEUS
Triple scoundrel.

HERMES
Your country?

TRYGAEUS
Triple scoundrel.

HERMES
Your father?

TRYGAEUS
My father? Triple scoundrel.

HERMES
By the Earth, you shall die, unless you tell me your name.

TRYGAEUS
I am Trygaeus of the Athmonian deme, a good vine-dresser, little

addicted to quibbling and not at all an informer.
HERMES

Why do you come?
TRYGAEUS

I come to bring you this meat.
HERMES (changing his tone)

Ah! my good friend, did you have a good journey?
TRYGAEUS

Glutton, be off! I no longer seem a triplescoundrel to you. Come,
call Zeus.

HERMES
Ah! ah! you are a long way yet from reaching the gods, for they

moved yesterday.
TRYGAEUS

To what part of the earth?
HERMES

Eh! of the earth, did you say?
TRYGAEUS

In short, where are they then?
HERMES

Very far, very far, right at the furthest end of the dome of
heaven.

TRYGAEUS
But why have they left you all alone here?

HERMES
I am watching what remains of the furniture, the little pots and

pans, the bits of chairs and tables, and odd wine-jars.
TRYGAEUS

And why have the gods moved away?
HERMES

Because of their wrath against the Greeks. They have located War
in the house they occupied themselves and have given him full power to

do with you exactly as he pleases; then they went as high up as ever
they could, so as to see no more of your fights and to hear no more of

your prayers.
TRYGAEUS

What reason have they for treating us so?
HERMES

Because they have afforded you an opportunity for peace more
than once, but you have always preferred war. If the Laconians got the

very slightest advantage, they would exclaim, "By the Twin Brethren!
the Athenians shall smart for this." If, on the contrary, the latter

triumphed and the Laconians came with peace proposals, you would
say, "By Demeter, they want to deceive us. No, by Zeus, we will not

hear a word; they will always be coming as long as we hold Pylos."
TRYGAEUS

Yes, that is quite the style our folk do talk in.
HERMES

So that I don't know whether you will ever see Peace again.
TRYGAEUS

Why, where has she gone to then?
HERMES

War has cast her into a deep pit.
TRYGAEUS

Where?
HERMES

Down there, at the very bottom. And you see what heaps of stones
he has piled over the top, so that you should never pull her out

again.
TRYGAEUS

Tell me, what is War preparing against us?
HERMES

All I know is that last evening he brought along a huge mortar.
TRYGAEUS

And what is he going to do with his mortar?
HERMES

He wants to pound up all the cities of Greece in it.... But I must
say good-bye, for I think he is coming out; what an uproar he is

making!
(He departs in haste.)

TRYGAEUS
Ah! great gods let us seek safety; I think I already hear the

noise of this fearful war mortar. (He hides.)
WAR (enters, carrying a huge mortar)

Oh! mortals, mortals, wretched mortals, how your jaws will snap!
TRYGAEUS

Oh! divine Apollo! what a prodigious big mortar! Oh, what misery
the very sight of War causes me! This then is the foe from whom I fly,

who is so cruel, so formidable, so stalwart, so solid on his legs!
WAR

Oh! Prasiae! thricewretched, five times, aye, a thousand times
wretched! for thou shalt be destroyed this day.

(He throws some leeks into the mortar.)
TRYGAEUS (to the audience)

This, gentlemen, does not concern us over much; it's only so
much the worse for the Laconians.

WAR
Oh! Megara! Megara! utterly are you going to be ground up! what

fine mincemeat are you to be made into!
(He throws in some garlic.)

TRYGAEUS (aside)
Alas! alas! what bitter tears there will be among the Megarians!

WAR (throwing in some cheese)
Oh, Sicily! you too must perish! Your wretched towns shall be

grated like this cheese. Now let us pour some Attic honey into the
mortar.

(He does so.)
TRYGAEUS (aside)

Oh! I beseech you! use some other honey; this kind is worth four
obols; be careful, oh! be careful of our Attic honey.

WAR
Hi! Tumult, you slave there!

TUMULT
What do you want?

WAR
Out upon you! Standing there with folded arms! Take this cuff on

the head for your pains.
TUMULT

Oh! how it stings! Master, have you got garlic in your fist, I
wonder?

WAR
Run and fetch me a pestle.

TUMULT
But we haven't got one; it was only yesterday we moved.

WAR
Go and fetch me one from Athens, and hurry, hurry!

TUMULT
I'll hurry; if I return without one, I shall have no cause for

laughing.
(He runs off.)

TRYGAEUS (to the audience)
Ah! what is to become of us, wretched mortals that we are? See the

danger that threatens if he returns with the pestle, for War will
quietly amuse himself with pounding all the towns of Hellas to pieces.

Ah! Bacchus! cause this herald of evil to perish on his road!
WAR (to the returning TUMULT)

Well?
TUMULT

Well, what?
WAR

You have brought back nothing?
TUMULT

Alas! the Athenians have lost their pestle-the tanner, who
ground Greece to powder.

TRYGAEUS
Oh! Athene, venerable mistress! it is well for our city he is

dead, and before he could serve us with this hash.
WAR

Then go and seek one at Sparta and have done with it!
TUMULT

Aye, aye, master!
(He runs off.)

WAR (shouting after him)
Be back as quick as ever you can.

TRYGAEUS (to the audience)
What is going to happen, friends? This is the critical hour. Ah!

if there is some initiate of Samothrace among you, this is surely
the moment to wish this messenger some accident-some sprain or strain.

TUMULT (returning)
Alas! alas! thrice again, alas!

WAR
What is it? Again you come back without it?

TUMULT
The Spartans too have lost their pestle.

WAR


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