酷兔英语

章节正文

Farewell and good luck be yours! Let us begin by handing over
all this gear to the care of our servants, for no place is less safe

than a theatre; there is always a crowd of thieves prowling around it,
seeking to find some mischief to do. Come, keep a good watch over

all this. As for ourselves, let us explain to the spectators what we
have in our minds, the purpose of our play.

(The CHORUS turns and faces the audience.)
Undoubtedly the comic poet who mounted the stage to praise himself

in the parabasis would deserve to be handed over to the sticks or
the beadles. Nevertheless, oh Muse, if it be right to esteem the

most honest and illustrious of our comic writers at his proper
value, permit our poet to say that he thinks he has deserved a

gloriousrenown. First of all, he is the one who has compelled his
rivals no longer to scoff at rags or to war with lice; and as for

those Heracleses, always chewing and ever hungry, he was the first
to cover them with ridicule and to chase them from the stage; he has

also dismissed that slave, whom one never failed to set weeping before
you, so that his comrade might have the chance of jeering at his

stripes and might ask, "Wretch, what has happened to your hide? Has
the lash rained an army of its thongs on you and laid your back

waste?" After having delivered us from all these wearisome ineptitudes
and these low buffooneries, he has built up for us a great art, like a

palace with high towers, constructed of fine phrases, great thoughts
and of jokes not common on the streets. Moreover it's not obscure

private persons or women that he stages in his comedies; but, bold
as Heracles, it's the very greatest whom he attacks, undeterred by the

fetid stink of leather or the threats of hearts of mud. He has the
right to say, "I am the first ever dared to go straight for that beast

with the sharp teeth and the terrible eyes that flashed lambent fire
like those of Cynna, surrounded by a hundred lewd flatterers, who

spittle-licked him to his heart's content; it had a voice like a
roaring torrent, the stench of a seal, the unwashed balls of a Lamia

and the arse of a camel. I did not recoil in horror at the sight of
such a monster, but fought him relentlessly to win your deliverance

and that of the islanders." Such are the services which should be
graven in your recollection and entitle me to your thanks. Yet I

have not been seen frequenting the wrestling school intoxicated with
success and trying to seduce young boys; but I took all my

theatrical gear and returned straight home. I pained folk but little
and caused them much amusement; my conscience rebuked me for

nothing. (More and more rapidly from here on) Hence both grown men and
youths should be on my side and I likewise invite the bald to give

me their votes; for, if I triumph, everyone will say, both at table
and at festivals, "Carry this to the bald man, give these cakes to the

bald one, do not grudge the poet whose talent shines as bright as
his own bare skull the share he deserves."

FIRST SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
Oh, Muse! drive the war far from our city and come to preside over

our dances, if you love me; come and celebrate the nuptials of the
gods, the banquets of us mortals and the festivals of the fortunate;

these are the themes that inspire thy most poetic songs. And should
Carcinus come to beg thee for admission with his sons to thy chorus,

refuse all traffic with them; remember they are but gelded birds,
stork-necked dancers, mannikins about as tall as a goat's turd, in

fact machine-made poets. Contrary to all expectation, the father has
at last managed to finish a piece, but he admits that a cat

strangled it one fine evening.
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS (singing)

Such are the songs with which the Muse with the glorious hair
inspires the able poet and which enchant the assembled populace,

when the spring swallow twitters beneath the foliage; but the god
spare us from the chorus of Morsimus and that of Melanthius! Oh!

what a bitter discordancy grated upon my ears that day when the tragic
chorus was directed by this same Melanthius and his brother, these two

Gorgons, these two Harpies, the plague of the seas, whose gluttonous
bellies devour the entire race of fishes, these followers of old

women, these goats with their stinking arm-pits. Oh! Muse, spit upon
them abundantly and keep the feast gaily with me.

(TRYGAEUS enters, limping painfully, accompanied by OPORA and
THEORIA.)

TRYGAEUS
Ah! it's a rough job getting to the gods! my legs are as good as

broken through it. (To the audience) How small you were, to be sure,
when seen from heaven! you had all the appearance too of being great

rascals; but seen close, you look even worse.
SERVANT (coming out of TRYGAEUS' house)

Is that you, master?
TRYGAEUS

So I've been told.
SERVANT

What has happened to you?
TRYGAEUS

My legs pain me; it was such a damned long journey.
SERVANT

Oh! tell me....
TRYGAEUS

What?
SERVANT

Did you see any other man besides yourself strolling about in
heaven;

TRYGAEUS
No, only the souls of two or three dithyrambic poets.

SERVANT
What were they doing up there?

TRYGAEUS
They were seeking to catch some lyric exordia as they flew by

immersed in the billows of the air.
SERVANT

Is it true, what they tell us, that men are turned into stars
after death?

TRYGAEUS
Quite true.

SERVANT
Then what star has Ion of Chios turned into?

TRYGAEUS
The Morning Star, the one he wrote a poem about; as soon as he got

up there, everyone called him the Morning Star.
SERVANT

And those stars like sparks, that plough up the air as they dart
across the sky.

TRYGAEUS
They are the rich leaving the feast with a lantern and a light

inside it.-But hurry up, show this young girl into my house, (pointing
to OPORA) clean out the bath, heat some water and prepare the

nuptial couch for herself and me. When that's done, come back here;
meanwhile I am off to present this other one to the Senate.

SERVANT
But where then did you get these girls?

TRYGAEUS
Where? why in heaven.

SERVANT
I would not give more than an obolus for gods who have got to

keeping brothels like us mere mortals.
TRYGAEUS

They are not all like that, but there are some up there too who
live by this trade.

SERVANT
Come, that's rich! But tell me, shall I give her something to eat?

TRYGAEUS
No, for she would touch neither bread nor cake; she is used to

licking ambrosia at the table of the gods.
SERVANT

Well, we can give her something to lick down here too.
(He takes OPORA into the house.)

CHORUS (singing)
Here is a truly happy old man, as far as I can judge.

TRYGAEUS (singing)
Ah! but what shall I be, when you see me presently dressed for the

wedding?
CHORUS (singing)

Made young again by love and scented with perfumes, your lot
will be one we all shall envy.

TRYGAEUS (singing)
And when I lie beside her and fondle her breasts?

CHORUS (singing)
Oh! then you will be happier than those spinning-tops who call

Carcinus their father.
TRYGAEUS (singing)

And I well deserve it; have I not bestridden a beetle to save
the Greeks, who now, thanks to me, can make love at their ease and

sleep peacefully on their farms?
SERVANT (returning from the house)

The girl has quitted the bath; she is charming from head to
foot, belly and buttocks too; the cake is baked and they are

kneading the sesame-biscuit; nothing is lacking but the bridegroom's
tool.

TRYGAEUS
Let us first hasten to lodge Theoria in the hands of the Senate.

SERVANT
Tell me, who is this woman?

TRYGAEUS
Why, it's Theoria, with whom we used formerly to go to Brauron, to

get tipsy and frolic-I had the greatest trouble to get hold of her.
SERVANT

Ah! you charmer! what pleasure your pretty bottom will afford me
every four years!

TRYGAEUS (to the audience)
Let's see, which one of you is steady enough to be trusted by

the Senate with the care of this charming wench? (to the SERVANT)
Hi! you, friend! what are you drawing there?

SERVANT (who has been making signs in the air)
It's er.... well, at the Isthmian Games I shall have a tent for my

tool.
TRYGAEUS (to the audience)

Come, who wishes to take the charge of her? No one? Come, Theoria,
I am going to lead you into the midst of the spectators and confide

you to their care.
SERVANT

Ah! there is one who makes a sign to you.
TRYGAEUS

Who is it?
SERVANT

It's Ariphrades. He wishes to take her home at once.
TRYGAEUS

No, he must not. He would soon have her done for, absorbing all
her life-force. Come, Theoria, take off all these clothes. (THEORIA

undresses. As soon as she is nude, TRYGAEUS conducts her to the
front row of seats, where the SENATORS sit.) Senate, Prytanes, gaze

upon Theoria and see what precious blessings I place in your hands.
Hasten to raise its limbs and to immolate the victim. And look at this

chimney.
SERVANT

God, what a beautiful one! It's black with smoke because the
Senate used to do its cooking there before the war.

TRYGAEUS
Now that you have found Theoria again, you can start the most

charming games from to-morrow, wrestling with her on the ground, on
all fours, or you can lay her on her side, or stand before her with

bent knees, or, well rubbed with oil, you can boldly enter the
lists, as in the Pancratium, belabouring your foe with blows from your

fist or something else. The next day you will celebrate equestrian


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章节正文