in the style of a great
assembly, who recognized the
existence of
an _etre_ _supreme_, to fix the national
belief, that the husband
should always be wiser and more
virtuous than his wife, in order
to
entitle him, with a show of justice, to keep this idiot, or
perpetual minor, for ever in
bondage. But I must have done--
on this subject, my
indignationcontinually runs away with me.
"The company of the gentleman I have already mentioned, who
had a general
acquaintance with
literature and subjects of taste,
was
grateful to me; my
countenance brightened up as he approached,
and I un
affectedly expressed the pleasure I felt. The amusement
his conversation afforded me, made it easy to
comply with
my husband's request, to
endeavour to render our house
agreeable to him.
"His attentions became more
pointed; but, as I was not of the
number of women, whose
virtue, as it is termed, immediately takes
alarm, I
endeavoured, rather by raillery than serious expostulation,
to give a different turn to his conversation. He assumed a new mode
of attack, and I was, for a while, the dupe of his pretended friendship.
"I had, merely in the style of _badinage_, boasted of my
conquest, and
repeated his lover-like compliments to my husband.
But he begged me, for God's sake, not to
affront his friend, or I
should destroy all his projects, and be his ruin. Had I had more
affection for my husband, I should have expressed my
contempt of
this time-serving
politeness: now I imagined that I only felt pity;
yet it would have puzzled a casuist to point out in what the exact
difference consisted.
"This friend began now, in confidence, to discover to me the
real state of my husband's affairs. 'Necessity,' said Mr. S----;
why should I reveal his name? for he
affected to palliate the
conduct he could not excuse, 'had led him to take such steps, by
accommodation bills, buying goods on credit, to sell them for ready
money, and similar transactions, that his
character in the commercial
world was gone. He was considered,' he added, lowering his voice,
'on 'Change as a swindler.'
"I felt at that moment the first
maternal pang. Aware of the
evils my sex have to struggle with, I still wished, for my own
consolation, to be the mother of a daughter; and I could not bear
to think, that the _sins_ of her father's entailed
disgrace, should
be added to the ills to which woman is heir.
"So completely was I deceived by these shows of friendship
(nay, I believe, according to his
interpretation, Mr. S---- really
was my friend) that I began to
consult him
respecting the best mode
of retrieving my husband's
character: it is the good name of a
woman only that sets to rise no more. I knew not that he had been
drawn into a whirlpool, out of which he had not the
energy to
attempt to escape. He seemed indeed
destitute of the power of
employing his faculties in any regular
pursuit. His principles of
action were so loose, and his mind so uncultivated, that every
thing like order appeared to him in the shape of
restraint; and,
like men in the
savage state, he required the strong
stimulus of
hope or fear, produced by wild speculations, in which the interests
of others went for nothing, to keep his spirits awake. He one time
professed patriotism, but he knew not what it was to feel honest
indignation; and pretended to be an
advocate for liberty, when,
with as little
affection for the human race as for individuals, he
thought of nothing but his own
gratification. He was just such a
citizen, as a father. The sums he adroitly obtained by a violation
of the laws of his country, as well as those of
humanity, he would
allow a
mistress to squander; though she was, with the same _sang_
_froid_, consigned, as were his children, to
poverty, when another
proved more attractive.
"On various pretences, his friend continued to visit me; and,
observing my want of money, he tried to induce me to accept of
pecuniary aid; but this offer I
absolutely rejected, though it was
made with such
delicacy, I could not be displeased.
"One day he came, as I thought
accidentally, to dinner. My
husband was very much engaged in business, and quitted the room
soon after the cloth was removed. We conversed as usual, till
confidential advice led again to love. I was
extremely mortified.
I had a
sincere regard for him, and hoped that he had an equal
friendship for me. I
therefore began
mildly to expostulate with
him. This
gentleness he mistook for coy
encouragement; and he
would not be
diverted from the subject. Perceiving his mistake, I
seriously asked him how, using such language to me, he could profess
to be my husband's friend? A
significant sneer excited my curiosity,
and he, supposing this to be my only
scruple, took a letter
deliberately out of his pocket,
saying, 'Your husband's honour is
not inflexible. How could you, with your discernment, think it so?
Why, he left the room this very day on purpose to give me an
opportunity to explain myself; _he_ thought me too timid--too tardy.
"I snatched the letter with
indescribableemotion. The purport
of it was to invite him to dinner, and to
ridicule his chivalrous
respect for me. He
assured him, 'that every woman had her price,
and, with gross indecency, hinted, that he should be glad to have
the duty of a husband taken off his hands. These he termed _liberal_
_sentiments_. He advised him not to shock my
romantic notions,
but to attack my
credulousgenerosity, and weak pity; and concluded
with requesting him to lend him five hundred pounds for a month or
six weeks.' I read this letter twice over; and the firm purpose it
inspired, calmed the rising
tumult of my soul. I rose deliberately,
requested Mr. S---- to wait a moment, and
instantly going into the
counting-house, desired Mr. V
enables to return with me to the
dining-parlour.
"He laid down his pen, and entered with me, without observing
any change in my
countenance. I shut the door, and, giving him
the letter, simply asked, 'whether he wrote it, or was it a forgery?'
"Nothing could equal his
confusion. His friend's eye met his,
and he muttered something about a joke--But I interrupted him--
'It is sufficient--We part for ever.'
"I continued, with
solemnity, 'I have borne with your tyranny
and infidelities. I
disdain to utter what I have borne with.
I thought you unprincipled, but not so
decidedlyvicious. I formed
a tie, in the sight of heaven--I have held it
sacred; even when
men, more conformable to my taste, have made me feel--I
despiseall subterfuge!--that I was not dead to love. Neglected by you,
I have
resolutely stifled the enticing
emotions, and respected the
plighted faith you outraged. And you dare now to
insult me,
by selling me to prostitution!--Yes--equally lost to
delicacy and
principle--you dared sacrilegiously to
barter the honour of the
mother of your child.'
"Then, turning to Mr. S----, I added, 'I call on you, Sir, to
witness,' and I lifted my hands and eyes to heaven, 'that, as
solemnly as I took his name, I now abjure it,' I pulled off my
ring, and put it on the table; 'and that I mean immediately to quit
his house, never to enter it more. I will provide for myself and
child. I leave him as free as I am determined to be myself--
he shall be answerable for no debts of mine.'
"Astonishment closed their lips, till Mr. V
enables, gently
pushing his friend, with a forced smile, out of the room, nature
for a moment prevailed, and, appearing like himself, he turned
round, burning with rage, to me: but there was no
terror in the
frown, excepting when contrasted with the
malignant smile which
preceded it. He bade me 'leave the house at my peril;
told me he
despised my threats; I had no
resource; I could not
swear the peace against him!--I was not afraid of my life!--
he had never struck me!'
"He threw the letter in the fire, which I had incautiously
left in his hands; and, quitting the room, locked the door on me.
"When left alone, I was a moment or two before I could recollect
myself--One scene had succeeded another with such
rapidity, I almost
doubted whether I was reflecting on a real event. 'Was it possible?
Was I, indeed, free?'--Yes; free I termed myself, when I
decidedlyperceived the conduct I ought to adopt. How had I panted for
liberty--liberty, that I would have purchased at any price, but
that of my own esteem! I rose, and shook myself; opened the window,
and
methought the air never smelled so sweet. The face of heaven
grew fairer as I viewed it, and the clouds seemed to flit away
obedient to my wishes, to give my soul room to
expand. I was all
soul, and (wild as it may appear) felt as if I could have dissolved