him; later, you will find the same men caught by the thorns which
they might have rendered pointless, and
missing their
triumph for
some
trivial reason;
whereas the man who is early trained to a
sense of duty does not meet the same obstacles; he may
attainsuccess less rapidly, but when
attained it is solid and does not
crumble like that of others.
When I show you that the
application of this
doctrine demands in
the first place a
mastery of the science of manners, you may think
my jurisprudence has a
flavor of the court and of the training I
received as a Lenoncourt. My dear friend, I do
attach great
importance to that training,
trifling as it seems. You will find
that the habits of the great world are as important to you as the
wide and
varied knowledge that you possess. Often they take the
place of such knowledge; for some really
ignorant men, born with
natural gifts and accustomed to give
connection to their ideas,
have been known to
attain a
grandeur never reached by others far
more
worthy of it. I have
studied you
thoroughly, Felix, wishing
to know if your education, derived
wholly from schools, has
injured your nature. God knows the joy with which I find you fit
for that further education of which I speak.
The manners of many who are brought up in the traditions of the
great world are
purelyexternal; true
politeness, perfect manners,
come from the heart, and from a deep sense of personal
dignity.
This is why some men of noble birth are, in spite of their
training, ill-mannered, while others, among the middle classes,
have
instinctive good taste and only need a few lessons to give
them excellent manners without any signs of
awkward imitation.
Believe a poor woman who no longer leaves her
valley when she
tells you that this
dignity of tone, this
courteoussimplicity in
words, in
gesture, in
bearing, and even in the
character of the
home, is a living and material poem, the charm of which is
irresistible; imagine
therefore what it is when it takes its
inspiration from the heart. Politeness, dear, consists in seeming
to forget ourselves for others; with many it is social cant, laid
aside when personal self-interest shows its cloven-foot; a noble
then becomes
ignoble. But--and this is what I want you to
practise, Felix--true
politeness involves a Christian principle;
it is the flower of Love, it requires that we forget ourselves
really. In memory of your Henriette, for her sake, be not a
fountain without water, have the
essence and the form of true
courtesy. Never fear to be the dupe and
victim of this social
virtue; you will some day gather the fruit of seeds scattered
apparently to the winds.
My father used to say that one of the great offences of sham
politeness was the
neglect of promises. When anything is demanded
of you that you cannot do, refuse
positively and leave no
loopholes for false hopes; on the other hand, grant at once
whatever you are
willing to
bestow. Your
promptrefusal will make
you friends as well as your
prompt benefit, and your
characterwill stand the higher; for it is hard to say whether a promise
forgotten, a hope deceived does not make us more enemies than a
favor granted brings us friends.
Dear friend, there are certain little matters on which I may
dwell, for I know them, and it comes within my
province to impart
them. Be not too confiding, nor
frivolous, nor over enthusiastic,
--three rocks on which youth often strikes. Too confiding a nature
loses respect, frivolity brings
contempt, and others take
advantage of
excessiveenthusiasm. In the first place, Felix, you
will never have more than two or three friends in the course of
your life. Your entire
confidence is their right; to give it to