presence--after all--had the power to recall him to himself. He
stared at her. She sat with her hands on her lap, looking down; and he
noticed that her boots were dirty, her skirts wet and splashed, as
though she had been
driven back there by a blind fear through a waste
of mud. He was
indignant, amazed and shocked, but in a natural,
healthy way now; so that he could control those un
profitablesentiments by the dictates of
cautious self-restraint. The light in
the room had no
unusualbrilliance now; it was a good light in which
he could easily observe the expression of her face. It was that of
dull
fatigue. And the silence that surrounded them was the normal
silence of any quiet house, hardly disturbed by the faint noises of a
respectable quarter of the town. He was very cool--and it was quite
coolly that he thought how much better it would be if neither of them
ever spoke again. She sat with closed lips, with an air of lassitude
in the stony
forgetfulness of her pose, but after a moment she lifted
her drooping eyelids and met his tense and
inquisitive stare by a look
that had all the formless
eloquence of a cry. It penetrated, it
stirred without informing; it was the very
essence of
anguish stripped
of words that can be smiled at, argued away, shouted down, disdained.
It was
anguish naked and unashamed, the bare pain of
existence let
loose upon the world in the
fleeting unreserve of a look that had in
it an immensity of
fatigue, the
scornfulsincerity, the black
impudence of an extorted
confession. Alvan Hervey was seized with
wonder, as though he had seen something inconceivable; and some
obscure part of his being was ready to exclaim with him: "I would
never have believed it!" but an
instantaneous revulsion of wounded
susceptibilities checked the
unfinished thought.
He felt full of rancorous
indignation against the woman who could look
like this at one. This look probed him; it tampered with him. It was
dangerous to one as would be a hint of unbelief
whispered by a priest
in the
august decorum of a
temple; and at the same time it was impure,
it was disturbing, like a
cynicalconsolation muttered in the dark,
tainting the sorrow, corroding the thought, poisoning the heart. He
wanted to ask her
furiously: "Who do you take me for? How dare you
look at me like this?" He felt himself
helpless before the hidden
meaning of that look; he resented it with pained and
futile violence
as an
injury so secret that it could never, never be redressed. His
wish was to crush her by a single
sentence. He was stainless. Opinion
was on his side;
morality, men and gods were on his side; law,
conscience--all the world! She had nothing but that look. And he could
only say:
"How long do you intend to stay here?"
Her eyes did not waver, her lips remained closed; and for any effect
of his words he might have
spoken to a dead woman, only that this one
breathed quickly. He was
profoundly disappointed by what he had said.
It was a great
deception, something in the nature of
treason. He had
deceived himself. It should have been
altogether different--other
words--another
sensation. And before his eyes, so fixed that at
times they saw nothing, she sat
apparently as
unconscious as though
she had been alone, sending that look of
brazenconfession straight at
him--with an air of staring into empty space. He said
significantly:
"Must I go then?" And he knew he meant nothing of what he implied.