for many a long year,' the Fairy said, very majestically; and
Gruffanuff, coming out of the door, straddling before it with his
great
calves, burst out laughing, and cried, 'Ha, ha, ha! this is
a good un! Ha--ah--what's this? Let me down--O--o-- H'm!' and
then he was dumb!
For, as the Fairy waved her wand over him, he felt himself rising
off the ground, and fluttering up against the door, and then, as
if a screw ran into his
stomach, he felt a
dreadful pain there,
and was pinned to the door; and then his arms flew up over his
head; and his legs, after writhing about wildly, twisted under
his body; and he felt cold, cold, growing over him, as if he was
turning into metal; and he said, 'O--o--H'm!' and could say no
more, because he was dumb.
He WAS turned into metal! He was, from being BRAZEN, BRASS! He
was neither more nor less than a knocker! And there he was,
nailed to the door in the blazing summer day, till he burned
almost red-hot; and there he was, nailed to the door all the
bitter winter nights, till his brass nose was dropping with
icicles. And the postman came and rapped at him, and the
vulgarest boy with a letter came and hit him up against the door.
And the King and Queen (Princess and Prince they were then)
coming home from a walk that evening, the King said, 'Hullo, my
dear! you have had a new knocker put on the door. Why, it's
rather like our
porter in the face! What has become of that
boozy vagabond?' And the house-maid came and scrubbed his nose
with sandpaper; and once, when the Princess Angelica's little
sister was born, he was tied up in an old kid glove; and, another
night, some LARKING young men tried to
wrench him off, and put
him to the most excruciating agony with a turn screw. And then
the Queen had a fancy to have the colour of the door altered; and
the painters dabbed him over the mouth and eyes, and nearly
choked him, as they painted him pea-green. I
warrant he had
leisure to
repent of having been rude to the Fairy Blackstick!
As for his wife, she did not miss him; and as he was always
guzzling beer at the public-house, and notoriously quarrelling
with his wife, and in debt to the tradesmen, it was
supposed he
had run away from all these evils, and emigrated to Australia or
America. And when the Prince and Princess chose to become King
and Queen, they left their old house, and nobody thought of the
porter any more.
V. HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID
One day, when the Princess Angelica was quite a little girl, she
was walking in the garden of the palace, with Mrs. Gruffanuff,
the
governess,
holding a parasol over her head, to keep her sweet
complexion from the freckles, and Angelica was carrying a bun, to
feed the swans and ducks in the royal pond.
They had not reached the duck-pond, when there came toddling up
to them such a funny little girl! She had a great quantity of
hair blowing about her chubby little cheeks, and looked as if she
had not been washed or combed for ever so long. She wore a
ragged bit of a cloak, and had only one shoe on.
'You little
wretch, who let you in here?' asked Mrs. Gruffanuff.
'Div me dat bun,' said the little girl, 'me vely hungy.'
'Hungry! what is that?' asked Princess Angelica, and gave the
child the bun.
'Oh, Princess!' says Mrs. Gruffanuff, 'how good, how kind, how
truly angelical you are! See, Your Majesties,' she said to the
King and Queen, who now came up, along with their
nephew, Prince
Giglio, 'how kind the Princess is! She met this little dirty
wretch in the garden--I can't tell how she came in here, or why
the guards did not shoot her dead at the gate!--and the dear
darling of a Princess has given her the whole of her bun!'
'I didn't want it,' said Angelical
'But you are a
darling little angel all the same,' says the
governess.
'Yes; I know I am,' said Angelical 'Dirty little girl, don't you
think I am very pretty?' Indeed, she had on the finest of little
dresses and hats; and, as her hair was carefully curled, she
really looked very well.
'Oh, pooty, pooty!' says the little girl, capering about,
laughing, and dancing, and munching her bun; and as she ate it
she began to sing, 'Oh, what fun to have a plum bun! how I wis it
never was done!' At which, and her funny
accent, Angelica,
Giglio, and the King and Queen began to laugh very merrily.
'I can dance as well as sing,' says the little girl. 'I can
dance, and I can sing, and I can do all sorts of ting.' And she
ran to a flower-bed, and pulling a few polyanthuses,
rhododendrons, and other flowers, made herself a little wreath,
and danced before the King and Queen so drolly and prettily, that
everybody was delighted.
'Who was your mother--who were your relations, little girl?' said
the Queen.
The little girl said, 'Little lion was my brudder; great big
lioness my mudder; neber heard of any udder.' And she capered
away on her one shoe, and everybody was
exceedingly diverted.
So Angelica said to the Queen, 'Mamma, my
parrot flew away
yesterday out of its cage, and I don't care any more for any of
my toys; and I think this funny little dirty child will amuse me.
I will take her home, and give her some of my old frocks.'
'Oh, the
generousdarling!' says Mrs. Gruffanuff.
'Which I have worn ever so many times, and am quite tired of,'
Angelica went on; 'and she shall be my little maid. Will you
come home with me, little dirty girl?'
The child clapped her hands, and said, 'Go home with you--yes!
You pooty Princess!--Have a nice dinner, and wear a new dress!'
And they all laughed again, and took home the child to the
palace, where, when she was washed and combed, and had one of the
Princess's frocks given to her, she looked as handsome as
Angelica, almost. Not that Angelica ever thought so; for this
little lady never imagined that anybody in the world could be as
pretty, as good, or as clever as herself. In order that the
little girl should not become too proud and
conceited, Mrs.
Gruffanuff took her old
raggedmantle and one shoe, and put them
into a glass box, with a card laid upon them, upon which was
written, 'These were the old clothes in which little BETSINDA was
found when the great
goodness and
admirable kindness of Her Royal
Highness the Princess Angelica received this little outcast.'
And the date was added, and the box locked up.
For a while little Betsinda was a great favourite with the
Princess, and she danced, and sang, and made her little rhymes,
to amuse her
mistress. But then the Princess got a
monkey, and
afterwards a little dog, and afterwards a doll, and did not care
for Betsinda any more, who became very
melancholy and quiet, and
sang no more funny songs, because nobody cared to hear her. And
then, as she grew older, she was made a little lady's-maid to the
Princess; and though she had no wages, she worked and mended, and
put Angelica's hair in papers, and was never cross when scolded,
and was always eager to please her
mistress, and was always up
early and to bed late, and at hand when wanted, and in fact
became a perfect little maid. So the two girls grew up, and,
when the Princess came out, Betsinda was never tired of waiting
on her; and made her dresses better than the best milliner, and
was useful in a hundred ways. Whilst the Princess was having her
masters, Betsinda would sit and watch them; and in this way she
picked up a great deal of learn ing; for she was always awake,
though her
mistress was not, and listened to the wise professors
when Angelica was yawning or thinking of the next ball. And when
the dancing-master came, Betsinda
learned along with Angelica;
and when the music-master came, she watched him, and practiced
the Princess's pieces when Angelica was away at balls and
parties; and when the
drawing-master came, she took note of all
he said and did; and the same with French, Italian, and all other
languages--she
learned them from the teacher who came to
Angelica. When the Princess was going out of an evening she
would say, 'My good Betsinda, you may as well finish what I have
begun.' 'Yes, miss,' Betsinda would say, and sit down very
cheerful, not to FINISH what Angelica began, but to DO it.
For
instance, the Princess would begin a head of a
warrior, let
us say, and when it was begun it was something like this--
But when it was done, the
warrior was like this--
(only handsomer still if possible), and the Princess put her name
to the
drawing; and the Court and King and Queen, and above all
poor Giglio, admired the picture of all things, and said, 'Was
there ever a
genius like Angelica?' So, I am sorry to say, was
it with the Princess's
embroidery and other accomplishments; and
Angelica
actually believed that she did these things herself, and
received all the
flattery of the Court as if every word of it was
true. Thus she began to think that there was no young woman in
all the world equal to herself, and that no young man was good
enough for her. As for Betsinda, as she heard none of these
praises, she was not puffed up by them, and being a most
grateful,
good-natured girl, she was only too
anxious to do
everything which might give her
mistress pleasure. Now you begin
to
perceive that Angelica had faults of her own, and was by no
means such a wonder of wonders as people represented Her Royal
Highness to be.
VI. HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF
And now let us speak about Prince Giglio, the
nephew of the
reigning
monarch of Paflagonia. It has already been stated, in
page seven, that as long as he had a smart coat to wear, a good
horse to ride, and money in his pocket, or rather to take out of
his pocket, for he was very
good-natured, my young Prince did not
care for the loss of his crown and sceptre, being a thoughtless
youth, not much inclined to
politics or any kind of
learning. So
his tutor had a sinecure. Giglio would not learn classics or
mathematics, and the Lord Chancellor of Paflagonia, SQUARETOSO,
pulled a very long face because the Prince could not be got to
study the Paflagonian laws and
constitution; but, on the other
hand, the King's gamekeepers and huntsmen found the Prince an apt
pupil; the dancing-master
pronounced that he was a most elegant
and assiduous
scholar; the First Lord of the Billiard Table gave
the most
flattering reports of the Prince's skill; so did the
Groom of the Tennis Court; and as for the Captain of the Guard
and Fencing Master, the VALIANT and VETERAN Count KUTASOFF
HEDZOFF, he avowed that since he ran the General of Crim Tartary,
the
dreadful Grumbuskin, through the body, he never had
encountered so
expert a swordsman as Prince Giglio.
I hope you do not imagine that there was any impropriety in the
Prince and Princess walking together in the palace garden, and
because Giglio kissed Angelica's hand in a
polite manner. In the
first place they are cousins; next, the Queen is walking in the
garden too (you cannot see her, for she happens to be behind that
tree), and Her Majesty always wished that Angelica and Giglio
should marry: so did Giglio: so did Angelica sometimes, for she
thought her cousin very handsome, brave, and
good-natured: but
then you know she was so clever and knew so many things, and poor
Giglio knew nothing, and had no conversation. When they looked
at the stars, what did Giglio know of the
heavenly bodies? Once,
when on a sweet night in a
balcony where they were standing,
Angelica said, 'There is the Bear.' 'Where?' says Giglio.
'Don't be afraid, Angelica! if a dozen bears come, I will kill
them rather than they shall hurt you.' 'Oh, you silly creature!'
says she; 'you are very good, but you are not very wise.' When
they looked at the flowers, Giglio was utterly unacquainted with
botany, and had never heard of Linnaeus. When the butterflies
passed, Giglio knew nothing about them, being as
ignorant of
entomology as I am of algebra. So you see, Angelica, though she
liked Giglio pretty well, despised him on
account of his
ignorance. I think she probably valued HER OWN LEARNING rather
too much; but to think too well of one's self is the fault of
people of all ages and both sexes. Finally, when nobody else was