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hear!' 'Well, I don't mind,' says Giglio, louder still. The
King and Queen luckily did not hear; for Her Majesty was a little

deaf, and the King thought so much about his own dinner, and,
besides, made such a dreadful noise, hobgobbling in eating it,

that he heard nothing else. After dinner, His Majesty and the
Queen went to sleep in their arm-chairs.

This was the time when Giglio began his tricks with Prince Bulbo,
plying that young gentleman with port, sherry, madeira,

champagne, marsala, cherry-brandy, and pale ale, of all of which
Master Bulbo drank without stint. But in plying his guest,

Giglio was obliged to drink himself, and, I am sorry to say, took
more than was good for him, so that the young men were very

noisy, rude, and foolish when they joined the ladies after
dinner; and dearly did they pay for that imprudence, as now, my

darlings, you shall hear!
Bulbo went and sat by the piano, where Angelica was playing and

singing, and he sang out of tune, and he upset the coffee when
the footman brought it, and he laughed out of place, and talked

absurdly, and fell asleep and snored horridly. Booh, the nasty
pig! But as he lay there stretched on the pink satin sofa,

Angelica still persisted in thinking him the most beautiful of
human beings. No doubt the magic rose which Bulbo wore caused

this infatuation on Angelica's part; but is she the first young
woman who has thought a silly fellow charming?

Giglio must go and sit by Gruffanuff, whose old face he, too,
every moment began to find more lovely. He paid the most

outrageous compliments to her:--There never was such a
darling--Older than he was?--Fiddle-de-dee! He would marry

her--he would have nothing but her!
To marry the heir to the throne! Here was a chance! The artful

hussy actually got a sheet of paper, and wrote upon it, 'This is
to give notice that I, Giglio, only son of Savio, King of

Paflagonia, hereby promise to marry the charming and virtuous
Barbara Griselda, Countess Gruffanuff, and widow of the late

Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq.'
'What is it you are writing, you charming Gruffy?' says Giglio,

who was lolling on the sofa, by the writing-table.
'Only an order for you to sign, dear Prince, for giving coals and

blankets to the poor, this cold weather. Look! the King and
Queen are both asleep, and your Royal Highness's order will do.'

So Giglio, who was very good-natured, as Gruffy well knew, signed
the order immediately; and, when she had it in her pocket, you

may fancy what airs she gave herself. She was ready to flounce
out of the room before the Queen herself, as now she was the wife

of the RIGHTFUL King of Paflagonia! She would not speak to
Glumboso, whom she thought a brute, for depriving her DEAR

HUSBAND of the crown! And when candles came, and she had helped
to undress the Queen and Princess, she went into her own room,

and actuallypracticed on a sheet of paper, 'Griselda
Paflagonia,' 'Barbara Regina,' 'Griselda Barbara, Paf. Reg.,' and

I don't know what signatures besides, against the day when she
should be Queen, forsooth!

IX. HOW BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING PAN
Little Betsinda came in to put Gruffanuff's hair in papers; and

the Countess was so pleased, that, for a wonder, she complimented
Betsinda. 'Betsinda!' she said, 'you dressed my hair very nicely

today; I promised you a little present. Here are five sh--no,
here is a pretty little ring, that I picked-- that I have had

some time.' And she gave Betsinda the ring she had picked up in
the court. It fitted Betsinda exactly.

'It's like the ring the Princess used to wear,' says the maid.
'No such thing,' says Gruffanuff, 'I have had it this ever so

long. There, tuck me up quite comfortable; and now, as it's a
very cold night (the snow was beating in at the window), you may

go and warm dear Prince Giglio's bed, like a good girl, and then
you may unrip my green silk, and then you can just do me up a

little cap for the morning, and then you can mend that hole in my
silk stocking, and then you can go to bed, Betsinda. Mind I

shall want my cup of tea at five o'clock in the morning.'
'I suppose I had best warm both the young gentlemen's beds,

Ma'am,' says Betsinda.
Gruffanuff, for reply, said, 'Hau-au-ho!--Grauhawhoo!--Hong-

hrho!' In fact, she was snoring sound asleep.
Her room, you know, is next to the King and Queen, and the

Princess is next to them. So pretty Betsinda went away for the
coals to the kitchen, and filled the royal warming-pan.

Now, she was a very kind, merry, civil, pretty girl; but there
must have been something very captivating about her this evening,

for all the women in the servants' hall began to scold and abuse
her. The housekeeper said she was a pert, stuck-up thing: the

upper-housemaid asked, how dare she wear such ringlets and
ribbons, it was quite improper! The cook (for there was a

woman-cook as well as a man-cook) said to the kitchen-maid that
she never could see anything in that creetur: but as for the

men, every one of them, Coachman, John, Buttons, the page, and
Monsieur, the Prince of Crim Tartary's valet, started up, and

said--
'My eyes!' }

'O mussey!' } 'What a pretty girl Betsinda is!'
'O jemmany!' }

'O ciel!' }
'Hands off; none of your impertinence, you vulgar, low people!'

says Betsinda, walking off with her pan of coals. She heard the
young gentlemen playing at billiards as she went upstairs: first

to Prince Giglio's bed, which she warmed, and then to Prince
Bulbo's room.

He came in just as she had done; and as soon as he saw her, 'O!
O! O! O! O! O! what a beyou--oo--ootiful creature you are! You

angel--you peri--you rosebud, let me be thy bulbul--thy Bulbo,
too! Fly to the desert, fly with me! I never saw a young

gazelle to glad me with its dark blue eye that had eyes like
shine. Thou nymph of beauty, take, take this young heart. A

truer never did itself sustain within a soldier's waistcoat. Be
mine! Be mine! Be Princess of Crim Tartary! My Royal father

will approve our union; and, as for that little carroty-haired
Angelica, I do not care a fig for her any more.'

'Go away, Your Royal Highness, and go to bed, please,' said
Betsinda, with the warming-pan.

But Bulbo said, 'No, never, till thou swearest to be mine, thou
lovely, blushing chambermaid divine! Here, at thy feet, the

Royal Bulbo lies, the trembling captive of Betsinda's eyes.'
And he went on, making himself SO ABSURD AND RIDICULOUS, that

Betsinda, who was full of fun, gave him a touch with the
warming-pan, which, I promise you, made him cry 'O-o-o-o!' in a

very different manner.
Prince Bulbo made such a noise that Prince Giglio, who heard him

from the next room, came in to see what was the matter. As soon
as he saw what was taking place, Giglio, in a fury, rushed on

Bulbo, kicked him in the rudest manner up to the ceiling, and
went on kicking him till his hair was quite out of curl.

Poor Betsinda did not know whether to laugh or to cry; the
kicking certainly must hurt the Prince, but then he looked so

droll! When Giglio had done knocking him up and down to the
ground, and whilst he went into a corner rubbing himself, what do

you think Giglio does? He goes down on his own knees to
Betsinda, takes her hand, begs her to accept his heart, and

offers to marry her that moment. Fancy Betsinda's condition, who
had been in love with the Prince ever since she first saw him in

the palace garden, when she was quite a little child.
'Oh, divine Betsinda!' says the Prince, 'how have I lived fifteen

years in thy company without seeing thy perfections? What woman
in all Europe, Asia, Africa, and America, nay, in Australia, only

it is not yet discovered, can presume to be thy equal? Angelica?
Pish! Gruffanuff? Phoo! The Queen? Ha, ha! Thou art my

Queen. Thou art the real Angelica, because thou art really
angelic.'

'Oh, Prince! I am but a poor chambermaid,' says Betsinda,
looking, however, very much pleased.

'Didst thou not tend me in my sickness, when all forsook me?'
continues Giglio. 'Did not thy gentle hand smooth my pillow, and

bring me jelly and roast chicken?'
'Yes, dear Prince, I did,' says Betsinda, 'and I sewed Your Royal

Highness's shirt-buttons on too, if you please, Your Royal
Highness,' cries this artless maiden.

When poor Prince Bulbo, who was now madly in love with Betsinda,
heard this declaration, when he saw the unmistakable glances

which she flung upon Giglio, Bulbo began to cry bitterly, and
tore quantities of hair out of his head, till it all covered the

room like so much tow.
Betsinda had left the warming-pan on the floor while the princes

were going on with their conversation, and as they began now to
quarrel and be very fierce with one another, she thought proper

to run away.
'You great big blubbering booby, tearing your hair in the corner

there; of course you will give me satisfaction for insulting
Betsinda. YOU dare to kneel down at Princess Giglio's knees and

kiss her hand!'
'She's not Princess Giglio!' roars out Bulbo. 'She shall be

Princess Bulbo, no other shall be Princess Bulbo.'
'You are engaged to my cousin!' bellows out Giglio. 'I hate your

cousin,' says Bulbo.
'You shall give me satisfaction for insulting her!' cries Giglio

in a fury.
'I'll have your life.'

'I'll run you through.'
'I'll cut your throat.'

'I'll blow your brains out.'
'I'll knock your head off.'

'I'll send a friend to you in the morning.'
'I'll send a bullet into you in the afternoon.'

'We'll meet again,' says Giglio, shaking his fist in Bulbo's
face; and seizing up the warming-pan, he kissed it, because,

forsooth, Betsinda had carried it, and rushed downstairs. What
should he see on the landing but His Majesty talking to Betsinda,

whom he called by all sorts of fond names. His Majesty had heard
a row in the building, so he stated, and smelling something

burning, had come out to see what the matter was.
'It's the young gentlemen smoking, perhaps, sir,' says Betsinda.

'Charming chambermaid,' says the King (like all the rest of
them), 'never mind the young men! Turn thy eyes on a middle-aged

autocrat, who has been considered not ill-looking in his time.'
'Oh, sir! what will Her Majesty say?' cries Betsinda.

'Her Majesty!' laughs the monarch. 'Her Majesty be hanged. Am I
not Autocrat of Paflagonia? Have I not blocks, ropes, axes,

hangmen--ha? Runs not a river by my palace wall? Have I not
sacks to sew up wives withal? Say but the word, that thou wilt

be mine own,--your mistressstraightway in a sack is sewn, and
thou the sharer of my heart and throne.'

When Giglio heard these atrocious sentiments, he forgot the
respect usually paid to Royalty, lifted up the warming-pan, and

knocked down the King as flat as a pancake; after which, Master
Giglio took to his heels and ran away, and Betsinda went off

screaming, and the Queen, Gruffanuff, and the Princess, all came
out of their rooms. Fancy their feelings on beholding their

husband, father, sovereign, in this posture!
X. HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION

As soon as the coals began to burn him, the King came to himself
and stood up. 'Ho! my captain of the guards!' His Majesty

exclaimed, stamping his royal feet with rage. O piteous
spectacle! the King's nose was bent quite crooked by the blow of

Prince Giglio! His Majesty ground his teeth with rage.


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