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spending some days with him alone, I have imagined myself the most

stupid creature in the world, till the abilities of some casual



visitor convinced me that I had some dormant animation, and sentiments

above the dust in which I had been groveling. The very countenance



of my husband changed; his complexion became sallow, and all the

charms of youth were vanishing with its vivacity.



"I give you one view of the subject; but these experiments

and alterations took up the space of five years; during which



period, I had most reluctantly extorted several sums from my uncle,

to save my husband, to use his own words, from destruction.



At first it was to prevent bills being noted, to the injury of

his credit; then to bail him; and afterwards to prevent an execution



from entering the house. I began at last to conclude, that he

would have made more exertions of his own to extricate himself,



had he not relied on mine, cruel as was the task he imposed on me;

and I firmly determined that I would make use of no more pretexts.



"From the moment I pronounced this determination, indifference

on his part was changed into rudeness, or something worse.



"He now seldom dined at home, and continually returned at a

late hour, drunk, to bed. I retired to another apartment; I was



glad, I own, to escape from his; for personal intimacy without

affection, seemed, to me the most degrading, as well as the most



painful state in which a woman of any taste, not to speak of the

peculiar delicacy of fostered sensibility, could be placed. But



my husband's fondness for women was of the grossest kind, and

imagination was so wholly out of the question, as to render his



indulgences of this sort entirely promiscuous, and of the most

brutal nature. My health suffered, before my heart was entirely



estranged by the loathsome information; could I then have returned

to his sullied arms, but as a victim to the prejudices of mankind,



who have made women the property of their husbands? I discovered

even, by his conversation, when intoxicated that his favourites



were wantons of the lowest class, who could by their vulgar,

indecent mirth, which he called nature, rouse his sluggish spirits.



Meretricious ornaments and manners were necessary to attract his

attention. He seldom looked twice at a modest woman, and sat silent



in their company; and the charms of youth and beauty had not the

slightest effect on his senses, unless the possessors were initiated



in vice. His intimacy with profligate women, and his habits of

thinking, gave him a contempt for female endowments; and he would



repeat, when wine had loosed his tongue, most of the common-place

sarcasms levelled at them, by men who do not allow them to have



minds, because mind would be an impediment to gross enjoyment.

Men who are inferior to their fellow men, are always most anxious



to establish their superiority over women. But where are these

reflections leading me?



"Women who have lost their husband's affection, are justly

reproved for neglecting their persons, and not taking the same



pains to keep, as to gain a heart; but who thinks of giving the

same advice to men, though women are continually stigmatized for



being attached to fops; and from the nature of their education,

are more susceptible of disgust? Yet why a woman should be expected



to endure a sloven, with more patience than a man, and magnanimously

to govern herself, I cannot conceive; unless it be supposed arrogant



in her to look for respect as well as a maintenance. It is not

easy to be pleased, because, after promising to love, in different



circumstances, we are told that it is our duty. I cannot, I am




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