Toad, of course, went off to bed dutifully with the rest--he knew
better than to refuse--though he was feeling much too excited to

sleep. But he had had a long day, with many events crowded into
it; and sheets and blankets were very friendly and comforting

things, after plain straw, and not too much of it, spread on the
stone floor of a draughty cell; and his head had not been many

seconds on his pillow before he was snoring happily. Naturally,
he dreamt a good deal; about roads that ran away from him

just when he wanted them, and canals that chased him and caught
him, and a barge that sailed into the banqueting-hall with his

week's washing, just as he was giving a dinner-party; and he was
alone in the secret passage, pushing onwards, but it twisted and

turned round and shook itself, and sat up on its end; yet
somehow, at the last, he found himself back in Toad Hall, safe

and triumphant, with all his friends gathered round about him,
earnestly assuring him that he really was a clever Toad.

He slept till a late hour next morning, and by the time he got
down he found that the other animals had finished their breakfast

some time before. The Mole had slipped off somewhere by himself,
without telling any one where he was going to. The Badger sat in

the arm-chair, reading the paper, and not concerning himself in
the slightest about what was going to happen that very evening.

The Rat, on the other hand, was running round the room busily,
with his arms full of weapons of every kind, distributing them in

four little heaps on the floor, and sayingexcitedly under his
breath, as he ran, `Here's-a-sword-for-the-Rat, here's-a-sword-

for-the Mole, here's-a-sword-for-the-Toad, here's-a-sword-
for-the-Badger! Here's-a-pistol-for-the-Rat, here's-a-pistol-

for-the-Mole, here's-a-pistol-for-the-Toad, here's-a-pistol-for-
the-Badger!' And so on, in a regular, rhythmical way, while the

four little heaps gradually grew and grew.
`That's all very well, Rat,' said the Badger presently, looking

at the busy little animal over the edge of his newspaper; `I'm
not blaming you. But just let us once get past the stoats, with

those detestable guns of theirs, and I assure you we shan't want
any swords or pistols. We four, with our sticks, once we're

inside the dining-hall, why, we shall clear the floor of all the
lot of them in five minutes. I'd have done the whole thing by

myself, only I didn't want to deprive you fellows of the fun!'
`It's as well to be on the safe side,' said the Rat reflectively,

polishing a pistol-barrel on his sleeve and looking along it.
The Toad, having finished his breakfast, picked up a stout stick

and swung it vigorously, belabouring imaginary animals. `I'll
learn 'em to steal my house!' he cried. `I'll learn 'em, I'll

learn 'em!'
`Don't say "learn 'em," Toad,' said the Rat, greatly shocked.

`It's not good English.'
`What are you always nagging at Toad for?' inquired the Badger,

rather peevishly. `What's the matter with his English? It's the
same what I use myself, and if it's good enough for me, it ought

to be good enough for you!'
`I'm very sorry,' said the Rat humbly. `Only I THINK it ought

to be "teach 'em," not "learn 'em."'
`But we don't WANT to teach 'em,' replied the Badger. `We

want to LEARN 'em--learn 'em, learn 'em! And what's more,
we're going to DO it, too!'

`Oh, very well, have it your own way,' said the Rat. He was
getting rather muddled about it himself, and presently he retired

into a corner, where he could be heard muttering, `Learn 'em,
teach 'em, teach 'em, learn 'em!' till the Badger told him rather

sharply to leave off.
Presently the Mole came tumbling into the room, evidently very

pleased with himself. `I've been having such fun!' he began at
once; `I've been getting a rise out of the stoats!'

`I hope you've been very careful, Mole?' said the Rat anxiously.
`I should hope so, too,' said the Mole confidently. `I got the

idea when I went into the kitchen, to see about Toad's
breakfast being kept hot for him. I found that old washerwoman-

dress that he came home in yesterday, hanging on a towel-horse
before the fire. So I put it on, and the bonnet as well, and the

shawl, and off I went to Toad Hall, as bold as you please. The
sentries were on the look-out, of course, with their guns and

their "Who comes there?" and all the rest of their nonsense.
"Good morning, gentlemen!" says I, very respectful. "Want any

washing done to-day?"
`They looked at me very proud and stiff and haughty, and said,

"Go away, washerwoman! We don't do any washing on duty." "Or
any other time?" says I. Ho, ho, ho! Wasn't I FUNNY, Toad?'

`Poor, frivolous animal!' said Toad, very loftily. The fact is,
he felt exceedinglyjealous of Mole for what he had just done.

It was exactly what he would have liked to have done himself, if
only he had thought of it first, and hadn't gone and overslept

himself.
`Some of the stoats turned quite pink,' continued the Mole, `and

the Sergeant in charge, he said to me, very short, he said, "Now
run away, my good woman, run away! Don't keep my men idling

and talking on their posts." "Run away?" says I; "it won't be me
that'll be running away, in a very short time from now!"'

`O MOLY, how could you?' said the Rat, dismayed.
The Badger laid down his paper.

`I could see them pricking up their ears and looking at each
other,' went on the Mole; `and the Sergeant said to them, "Never

mind HER; she doesn't know what she's talking about."'
`"O! don't I?"' said I. `"Well, let me tell you this. My

daughter, she washes for Mr. Badger, and that'll show you whether
I know what I'm talking about; and YOU'LL know pretty soon,

too! A hundred bloodthirsty badgers, armed with rifles, are
going to attack Toad Hall this very night, by way of the paddock.

Six boatloads of Rats, with pistols and cutlasses, will come up
the river and effect a landing in the garden; while a picked body

of Toads, known at the Die-hards, or the Death-or-Glory Toads,
will storm the orchard and carry everything before them, yelling

for vengeance. There won't be much left of you to wash, by the
time they've done with you, unless you clear out while you have

the chance!" Then I ran away, and when I was out of sight I
hid; and presently I came creeping back along the ditch and took

a peep at them through the hedge. They were all as nervous and
flustered as could be, running all ways at once, and falling over

each other, and every one giving orders to everybody else and not
listening; and the Sergeant kept sending off parties of stoats to

distant parts of the grounds, and then sending other fellows to
fetch 'em back again; and I heard them saying to each other,

"That's just like the weasels; they're to stop comfortably in the
banqueting-hall, and have feasting and toasts and songs and all

sorts of fun, while we must stay on guard in the cold and the
dark, and in the end be cut to pieces by bloodthirsty Badgers!'"

`Oh, you silly ass, Mole!' cried Toad, `You've been and spoilt
everything!'

`Mole,' said the Badger, in his dry, quiet way, `I perceive you
have more sense in your little finger than some other animals

have in the whole of their fat bodies. You have managed
excellently, and I begin to have great hopes of you. Good Mole!

Clever Mole!'
The Toad was simply wild with jealousy, more especially as