酷兔英语

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Chorus will be fools enough not to, and I shall dupe them with my
subtle phrases.

EURIPIDES
I will give you the hat; I love the clever tricks of an

ingenious brain like yours.
DICAEOPOLIS

Rest happy, and may it befall Telephus as I wish. Ah, I already
feel myself filled with quibbles. But I must have a beggar's staff.

EURIPIDES (handing him a staff)
Here you are, and now get away from this porch.

DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, my soul! You see how you are driven from this house, when I

still need so many accessories. But let us be pressing, obstinate,
importunate. Euripides, give me a little basket with a lamp lighted

inside.
EURIPIDES

Whatever do you want such a thing as that for?
DICAEOPOLIS

I do not need it, but I want it all the same.
EURIPIDES (handing him a basket)

You importune me; get out of here!
DICAEOPOLIS

Alas! may the gods grant you a destiny as brilliant as your
mother's."

EURIPIDES
Leave me in peace.

DICAEOPOLIS
Oh, just a little broken cup.

EURIPIDES (handing him a cup)
Take it and go and hang yourself. (to himself) What a tiresome

fellow!
DICAEOPOLIS

Ah! you do not know all the pain you cause me. Dear, good
Euripides, just a little pot with a sponge for a stopper.

EURIPIDES
Miserable man! You are stealing a whole tragedy. Here, take it and

be off.
(He hands DICAEOPOLIS a pot.)

DICAEOPOLIS
I am going, but, great gods! I need one thing more; unless I

have it, am a dead man. Hearken, my little Euripides, only give me
this and I go, never to return. For pity's sake, do give me a few

small herbs for my basket.
EURIPIDES

You wish to ruin me then. Here, take what you want; but it is
all over with my plays!

(He hands him some herbs.)
DICAEOPOLIS

I won't ask another thing; I'm going. I am too importunate and
forget that I rouse against me the hate of kings. (He starts to leave,

then returns quickly) Ah! wretch that I am! I am lost! I have
forgotten one thing, without which all the rest is as nothing.

Euripides, my excellent Euripides, my dear little Euripides, may I die
if I ask you again for the smallest present; only one, the last,

absolutely the last; give me some of the chervil your mother left
you in her will.

EURIPIDES
Insolent hound! Slave, lock the door! (The eccyclema turns back

again.)
DICAEOPOLIS

Oh, my soul! we must go away without the chervil. Art thou
sensible of the dangerous battle we are about to engage upon in

defending the Lacedaemonians? Courage, my soul, we must plunge into
the midst of it. Dost thou hesitate and art thou fully steeped in

Euripides? That's right! do not falter, my poor heart, and let us risk
our head to say what we hold for truth. Courage and boldly to the

front. I am astonished at my bravery.
(He approaches the block.)

CHORUS (singing; excitedly)
What do you purport doing? what are you going to say? What an

impudent fellow! what a brazen heart! to dare to stake his head and
uphold an opinion contrary to that of us all! And he does not

tremble to face this peril Come, it is you who desired it, speak!
DICAEOPOLIS

Spectators, be not angered if, although I am a beggar, I dare in
comedy to speak before the people of Athens of the public weal; even

Comedy can sometimes discern what is right. I shall not please, but
I shall say what is true. Besides, Cleon shall not be able to accuse

me of attacking Athens before strangers; we are by ourselves at the
festival of the Lenaea; the time when our allies send us their tribute

and their soldiers is not yet here. There is only the pure wheat
without the chaff; as to the resident aliens settled among us, they

and the citizens are one, like the straw and the ear.
I detest the Lacedaemonians with all my heart, and may Posidon,

the god of Taenarus, cause an earthquake and overturn their dwellings!
My vines too have been cut. But come (there are only friends who

hear me), why accuse the Laconians of all our woes? Some men (I do not
say the city, note particularly that I do not say the city), some

wretches, lost in vices, bereft of honour, who were not even
citizens of good stamp, but strangers, have accused the Megarians of

introducing their produce fraudulently, and not a cucumber, a leveret,
a suckling pig, a clove of garlic, a lump of salt was seen without its

being said, "Halloa! these come from Megara," and their being
instantly confiscated. Thus far the evil was not serious and we were

the only sufferers. But now some young drunkards go to Megara and
carry off the harlot Simaetha; the Megarians, hurt to the quick, run

off in turn with two harlots of the house of Aspasia; and so for three
whores Greece is set ablaze. Then Pericles, aflame with ire on his

Olympian height, let loose the lightning, caused the thunder to
roll, upset Greece and passed an edict, which ran like the song, "That

the Megarians be banished both from our land and from our markets
and from the sea and from the continent." Meanwhile the Megarians, who

were beginning to die of hunger, begged the Lacedaemonians to bring
about the abolition of the decree, of which those harlots were the

cause; several times we refused their demand; and from that time there
was horribleclatter of arms everywhere. You will say that Sparta

was wrong, but what should she have done? Answer that. Suppose that
a Lacedaemonian had seized a little Seriphian dog on any pretext and

had sold it, would you have endured it quietly? Far from it, you would
at once have sent three hundred vessels to sea, and what an uproar

there would have been through all the city I there it's a band of
noisy soldiery, here a brawl about the election of a Trierarch;

elsewhere pay is being distributed, the Pallas figure-heads are
being regilded, crowds are surging under the market porticos,

encumbered with wheat that is being measured, wine-skins,
oar-leathers, garlic, olives, onions in nets; everywhere are chaplets,

sprats, flute-girls, black eyes; in the arsenal bolts are being
noisily driven home, sweeps are being made and fitted with leathers;

we hear nothing but the sound of whistles, of flutes and fifes to
encourage the workers. That is what you assuredly would have done, and

would not Telephus have done the same? So I come to my general
conclusion; we have no common sense.

LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
Oh! wretch! oh! infamous man! You are naught but a beggar and

yet you dare to talk to us like this! you insult their worships the
informers!

LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
By Posidon! he speaks the truth; he has not lied in a single

detail.
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS

But though it be true, need he say it? But you'll have no great
cause to be proud of your insolence!

LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
Where are you running to? Don't you move; if you strike this

man, I shall be at you.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS (bursting into song)

Oh! Lamachus, whose glance flashes lightning, whose plume
petrifies thy foes, help! Oh! Lamachus, my friend, the hero of my

tribe and all of you, both officers and soldiers, defenders of our
walls, come to my aid; else is it all over with me!

(LAMACHUS comes out of his house armed from head to foot.)
LAMACHUS

Whence comes this cry of battle? where must I bring my aid?
where must I sow dread? who wants me to uncase my dreadful Gorgon's

head?
DICAEOPOLIS

Oh, Lamachus, great hero! Your plumes and your cohorts terrify me.
CHORUS-LEADER

This man, Lamachus, incessantly abuses Athens.
LAMACHUS

You are but a mendicant and you dare to use language of this sort?
DICAEOPOLIS

Oh, brave Lamachus, forgive a beggar who speaks at hazard.
LAMACHUS

But what have you said? Let us hear.
DICAEOPOLIS

I know nothing about it; the sight of weapons makes me dizzy.
Oh! I adjure you, take that fearful Gorgon somewhat farther away.

LAMACHUS
There.

DICAEOPOLIS
Now place it face downwards on the ground.

LAMACHUS
It is done.

DICAEOPOLIS
Give me a plume out of your helmet.

LAMACHUS
Here is a feather.

DICAEOPOLIS
And hold my head while I vomit; the plumes have turned my stomach.

LAMACHUS
Hah! what are you proposing to do? do you want to make yourself

vomit with this feather?
DICAEOPOLIS

Is it a feather? what bird's? a braggart's?
LAMACHUS

Hah! I will rip you open.
DICAEOPOLIS

No, no, Lamachus! Violence is out of place here! But as you are so
strong, why did you not circumcise me? You have all the tools you need

for the operation there.
LAMACHUS

A beggar dares thus address a general!
DICAEOPOLIS

How? Am I a beggar?
LAMACHUS

What are you then?
DICAEOPOLIS

Who am I? A good citizen, not ambitious; a soldier, who has fought
well since the outbreak of the war, whereas you are but a vile

mercenary.
LAMACHUS

They elected me....
DICAEOPOLIS

Yes, three cuckoos did! If I have concluded peace, it was
disgust that drove me; for I see men with hoary heads in the ranks and

young fellows of your age shirking service. Some are in Thrace getting
an allowance of three drachmae, such fellows as Tisamenophaenippus and

Panurgipparchides. The others are with Chares or in Chaonia, men
like Geretotheodorus and Diomialazon; there are some of the same

kidney, too, at Camarina, at Gela, and at Catagela.


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