has on her face! (He holds his torch close to her, in order to
inspect her more closely.)
OLD WOMAN
Oh! oh! keep your distance with that torch.
CHREMYLUS (aside)
It's just as well; if a single spark were to reach her, she
would catch fire like an old olive branch.
YOUTH
I propose to have a game with you.
OLD WOMAN (eagerly)
Where,
naughty boy?
YOUTH
Here. Take some nuts in your hand.
OLD WOMAN
What game is this?
YOUTH
Let's play at guessing how many ... teeth you have.
CHREMYLUS
Ah! I'll tell you; she's got three, or perhaps four.
YOUTH
Pay up; you've lost! she has only one single grinder.
OLD WOMAN
You wretch! you're not in your right senses. Do you
insult me thus
before this crowd?
YOUTH
I am washing you
thoroughly; that's doing you a service.
CHREMYLUS
No, no! as she is there, she can still
deceive; but if this
white-lead is washed off, her wrinkles will come out plainly.
OLD WOMAN
You are only an old fool!
YOUTH
Ah! he is playing the
gallant, he is playing with your tits, and
thinks I do not see it.
OLD WOMAN (to CHREMYLUS)
Oh! no, by Aphrodite, don't do that, you
naughtyjealous fellow.
CHREMYLUS
Oh! most certainly not, by Hecate! Verily and indeed I would
need to be mad! But, young man, I cannot
forgive you, if you cast
off this beautiful child.
YOUTH
Why, I adore her.
CHREMYLUS
But
nevertheless she accuses you...
YOUTH
Accuses me of what?
CHREMYLUS
...of having told her insolently, "Once upon a time the
Milesians were brave."
YOUTH
Oh! I shall not
dispute with you about her.
CHREMYLUS
Why not?
YOUTH
Out of respect for your age; with anyone but you I should not be
so easy; come, take the girl and be happy.
CHREMYLUS
see, I see; you don't want her any more.
OLD WOMAN
Nay this is a thing that cannot be allowed.
YOUTH
I cannot argue with a woman who has been laid by every one of
these thirteen thousand men.
(He points to the audience.)
CHREMYLUS
Yet, since you liked the wine, you should now
consume the lees.
YOUTH
But these lees are quite rancid and fusty.
CHREMYLUS
Pass them through a straining-cloth; they'll clarify.
YOUTH
But I want to go in with you to offer these chaplets to the god.
OLD WOMAN
And I too have something to tell him.
YOUTH
Then I won't enter.
CHREMYLUS
Come, have no fear; she won't harm you.
YOUTH
That's true; I've been managing the old bark so long.
OLD WOMAN
Go in; Ill follow after you.
(They enter the house.)
CHREMYLUS
Good gods! that old hag has fastened herself to her youth like a
limpet to its rock.
(He follows them in.)
(Interlude of dancing by the CHORUS.)
(HERMES enters and begins knocking on the door.)
CARIO (opening the door)
Who is knocking at the door? Halloa! I see no one; it was then
by chance it gave forth that
plaintive tone.
HERMES (to CARIO, who is about to close the door)
Cario! stop!
CARIO
Eh! friend, was it you who knocked so loudly? Tell me.
HERMES
No, I was going to knock and you forestalled me by opening.
Come, call your master quick, then his wife and his children, then his
slave and his dog, then yourself and his pig.
CARIO
And what's it all about?
HERMES
It's about this, rascal! Zeus wants to serve you all with the same
sauce and hurl the lot of you into the Barathrum.
CARIO (aside)
Have a care for your tongue, you
bearer of ill tidings! (To
HERMES) But why does he want to treat us in that scurvy fashion?
HERMES
Because you have committed the most
dreadful crime. Since Plutus
has recovered his sight, there is nothing for us other gods, neither
incense, nor laurels, nor cakes, nor victims, nor anything in the
world.
CARIO
And you will never be offered anything more; you governed us too
ill
HERMES
I care nothing at all about the other gods, but it's myself. I
tell you I am dying of hunger.
CARIO
That's
reasoning like a wise fellow.
HERMES
Formerly, from earliest dawn, I was offered all sorts of good
things in the wine-shops,-wine-cakes, honey, dried figs, in short,
dishes
worthy of Hermes. Now, I lie the livelong day on my back,
with my legs in the air, famishing.
CARIO
And quite right too, for you often had them punished who treated
you so well.
HERMES
Ah! the lovely cake they used to knead for me on the fourth of the
month!
CARIO
You recall it
vainly; your regrets are useless!
HERMES
Ah! the ham I was wont to devour!
CARIO
Well then! make use of your legs and hop on one leg upon the
wine-skin, to while away the time.
HERMES
Oh! the grilled entrails I used to
swallow down!
CARIO
Your own have got the colic, I think
HERMES
Oh! the
delicious tipple, half-wine, half-water!
CARIO
Here, take this and be off. (He farts.)
HERMES (in
tragic style)
Would you render service to the friend that loves you?
CARIO
Willingly, if I can.
HERMES
Give me some well-baked bread and a big hunk of the victims they
are sacrificing in your house.
CARIO
That would be stealing.
HERMES
Do you forget, then, how I used to take care he knew nothing about
it when you were stealing something from your master?
CARIO
Because I used to share it with you, you rogue; some cake or other
always came your way,
HERMES
Which afterwards you ate up all by yourself.
CARIO
But then you did not share the blows when I was caught.
HERMES
Forget past injuries, now you have taken Phyle. Ah! how I should
like to live with you! Take pity and receive me.
CARIO
You would leave the gods to stop here?
HERMES
One is much better off among you.
CARIO
What! you would desert Do you think that is honest?
HERMES
"Where I live well, there is my country."
CARIO
But how could we employ you here?
HERMES
Place me near the door; I am the
watchman god and would shift of
the robbers.
CARIO
Shift off! Ah! but we have no love for shifts.
HERMES
Entrust me with business dealings.
CARIO
But we are rich; why should we keep a baggling Hermes?
HERMES
Let me intrigue for you.
CARIO
No, no, intrigues are
forbidden; we believe in good faith.
HERMES
I will work for you as a guide.
CARIO
But the god sees clearly now, so we no longer want a guide.
HERMES
Well then, I will
preside over the games. Ah! what can you
object to In that? Nothing is fitter for Plutus than to give scenic
and gymnastic games.
CARIO