TRYGAEUS
Let us appear not to see him.
SERVANT
Very well.
HIEROCLES (approaching)
What sacrifice is this? to what god are you
offering it?
TRYGAEUS (to the SERVANT)
Keep quiet.-(Aloud) Look after the roasting and keep your hands of
the meat.
HIEROCLES
To whom are you sacrificing? Answer me.
TRYGAEUS
Ah! the tail is showing favourable omens.
SERVANT
Aye, very favourable, oh, loved and
mighty Peace!
HIEROCLES
Come, cut off the first
offering and make the oblation.
TRYGAEUS
It's not roasted enough.
HIEROCLES
Yea, truly, it's done to a turn.
TRYGAEUS
Mind your own business, friend! (To the SERVANT) Cut away.
HIEROCLES
Where is the table?
TRYGAEUS
Bring the libations.
(The SERVANT departs.)
HIEROCLES
The tongue is cut separately.
TRYGAEUS
We know all that. But just listen to one piece of advice.
HIEROCLES
And that is?
TRYGAEUS
Don't talk, for it is
divine Peace to whom we are sacrificing.
HIEROCLES (in an oracular tone)
Oh!
wretched mortals, oh, you idiots!
TRYGAEUS
Keep such ugly terms for yourself.
HIEROCLES (as before)
What! you are so
ignorant you don't understand the will of the
gods and you make a treaty, you, who are men, with apes, who are
full of malice?
TRYGAEUS
Ha, ha, ha!
HIEROCLES
What are you laughing at?
TRYGAEUS
Ha, ha! your apes amuse me!
HIEROCLES (resuming the oracular manner)
You simple pigeons, you trust yourselves to foxes, who are all
craft, both in mind and heart.
TRYGAEUS
Oh, you trouble-maker! may your lungs get as hot as this meat!
HIEROCLES
Nay, nay! if only the Nymphs had not fooled Bacis, and Bacis
mortal men; and if the Nymphs had not tricked Bacis a second time....
TRYGAEUS (mocking his manner)
May the
plague seize you, if you don't stop Bacizing!
HIEROCLES
....it would not have been written in the book of Fate that the
bends of Peace must be broken; but first....
TRYGAEUS
The meat must be dusted with salt.
HIEROCLES
....it does not please the
blessed gods that we should stop the
War until the wolf uniteth with the sheep.
(A kind of
oracle-match now ensues.)
TRYGAEUS
How, you cursed animal, could the wolf ever unite with the sheep?
HIEROCLES
As long as the wood-bug gives off a fetid odour, when it flies; as
long as the noisy bitch is forced by nature to
litter blind pups, so
long shall peace be forbidden.
TRYGAEUS
Then what should be done? Not to stop War would be to leave it
to the decision of chance which of the two people should suffer the
most,
whereas by uniting under a treaty, we share the empire of
Greece.
HIEROCLES
You will never make the crab walk straight.
TRYGAEUS
You shall no longer be fed at the Prytaneum; when the war is over,
oracles are not wanted.
HIEROCLES
You will never smooth the rough spikes of the hedgehog.
TRYGAEUS
Will you never stop fooling the Athenians?
HIEROCLES
What
oracle ordered you to burn these joints of
mutton in honour
of the gods?
TRYGAEUS
This grand
oracle of Homer's: "Thus vanished the dark war-clouds
and we offered a sacrifice to new-born Peace. When the flame had
consumed the thighs of the
victim and its inwards had appeased our
hunger, we poured out the libations of wine." 'Twas I who arranged the
sacred rites, but none offered the shining cup to the
diviner.
HIEROCLES
I care little for that. 'Tis not the Sibyl who spoke it.
TRYGAEUS
Wise Homer has also said: "He who delights in the horrors of civil
war has neither country nor laws nor home." What noble words!
HIEROCLES
Beware lest the kite turn your brain and rob....
TRYGAEUS (to the SERVANT Who has returned with the libations) Look
out, slave! This
oracle threatens our meat. Quick, pour the
libation, and give me some of the inwards.
HIEROCLES
I too will help myself to a bit, if you like.
TRYGAEUS
The libation! the libation!
HIEROCLES (to the SERVANT)
Pour out also for me and give me some of this meat.
TRYGAEUS
No, the
blessed gods won't allow it yet; let us drink: and as
for you, get you gone, for that's their will. Mighty Peace! stay
ever in our midst.
HIEROCLES
Bring the tongue hither.
TRYGAEUS
Relieve us of your own.
HIEROCLES
The libation.
TRYGAEUS
Here! and this into the
bargain. (He strikes him.)
HIEROCLES
You will not give me any meat?
TRYGAEUS
We cannot give you any until the wolf unites with the sheep.
HIEROCLES
I will
embrace your knees.
TRYGAEUS
'Tis lost labour, good fellow; you will never smooth the rough
spikes of the hedgehog....Come, spectators, join us in our feast.
HIEROCLES
And what am I to do?
TRYGAEUS
You? go and eat the Sibyl.
HIEROCLES
No, by the Earth! no, you shall not eat without me; if you do
not give, I shall take; it's common property.
TRYGAEUS (to the SERVANT)
Strike, strike this Bacis, this humbugging soothsayer.
HIEROCLES
I take to witness....
TRYGAEUS
And I also, that you are a glutton and an impostor. (To the
SERVANT) Hold him tight and I'll beat the impostor with a stick.
SERVANT
You look to that; I will
snatch the skin from him which he has
stolen from us.
TRYGAEUS
Let go that skin, you
priest from hell! do you hear! Oh! what a
fine crow has come from Oreus! Stretch your wings quickly for
Elymnium.
(HIEROCLES flees. TRYGAEUS and the SERVANT go into the house.)
CHORUS (singing)
Oh! joy, joy! no more
helmet, no more
cheese nor onions! No, I
have no
passion for battles; what I love is to drink with good
comrades in the corner by the fire when good dry wood, cut in the
height of the summer, is crackling; it is to cook pease on the coals
and beechnuts among the embers, it is to kiss our pretty Thracian
while my wife is at the bath.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Nothing is more
pleasing, when the rain is sprouting our
sowings, than to chat with some friend,
saying, "Tell me, Comarchides,
what shall we do? I would
willingly drink myself, while the heavens
are watering our fields. Come, wife, cook three measures of beans,
adding to them a little wheat, and give us some figs. Syra! call Manes
off the fields, it's impossible to prune the vine or to align the
ridges, for the ground is too wet to-day. Let someone bring me the
thrush and those two chaffinches; there were also some curds and
four pieces of hare, unless the cat stole them last evening, for I
know not what the
infernal noise was that I heard in the house.
Serve up three of the pieces for me, slave, and give the fourth to
my father. Go and ask Aeschinades for some
myrtle branches with
berries on them, and then, for it's on the same road, invite
Charinades to come and drink with me to the honour of the gods who
watch over our crops."
CHORUS (singing)
When the
grasshopper sings his dulcet tune, I love to see the
Lemnian vines
beginning to ripen, the earliest plant of all.
Likewise I love to watch the fig filling out, and when it has
reached
maturity I eat it with
appreciation, exclaiming, "Oh!
delightful season!" Then too I
bruise some thyme and infuse it in
water. Indeed I grow a great deal fatter passing the summer in this
way....
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
...than in watching a
damnedlieutenant with three plumes and
military cloak of
crimson, very livid indeed; he calls it the real
Sardian
purple, but if he ever has to fight in this cloak he'll dye it
another colour, the real Cyzicene yellow, he the first to run away,
shaking his plumes like a buff hippalectryon, and I am left to do
the real work. Once back again in Athens, these brave fellows behave
abominably; they write down these, they
scratch through others, and
this
backwards and forwards two or three times at
random. The
departure is set for to-morrow, and some citizen has brought no
provisions, because he didn't know he had to go; he stops in front
of the
statue of Pandion, reads his name, is dumbfounded and starts
away at a run,
weeping bitter tears. The townsfolk are less