[JACK looks
indignantly at him, and leaves the room. ALGERNON
lights a cigarette, reads his shirt-cuff, and smiles.]
ACT DROP
SECOND ACT
SCENE
Garden at the Manor House. A
flight of grey stone steps leads up
to the house. The garden, an
old-fashioned one, full of roses.
Time of year, July. Basket chairs, and a table covered with books,
are set under a large yew-tree.
[MISS PRISM discovered seated at the table. CECILY is at the back
watering flowers.]
MISS PRISM. [Calling.] Cecily, Cecily! Surely such a utilitarian
occupation as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton's duty than
yours? Especially at a moment when
intellectual pleasures await
you. Your German grammar is on the table. Pray open it at page
fifteen. We will repeat
yesterday's lesson.
CECILY. [Coming over very slowly.] But I don't like German. It
isn't at all a becoming language. I know
perfectly well that I
look quite plain after my German lesson.
MISS PRISM. Child, you know how
anxious your
guardian is that you
should improve yourself in every way. He laid particular
stress on
your German, as he was leaving for town
yesterday. Indeed, he
always lays
stress on your German when he is leaving for town.
CECILY. Dear Uncle Jack is so very serious! Sometimes he is so
serious that I think he cannot be quite well
MISS PRISM. [Drawing herself up.] Your
guardian enjoys the best
of health, and his
gravity of
demeanour is especially to be
commanded in one so
comparatively young as he is. I know no one
who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility.
CECILY. I suppose that is why he often looks a little bored when
we three are together.
MISS PRISM. Cecily! I am surprised at you. Mr. Worthing has many
troubles in his life. Idle
merriment and triviality would be out
of place in his conversation. You must remember his constant
anxiety about that
fortunate" target="_blank" title="a.不幸的,运气差的">
unfortunate young man his brother.
CECILY. I wish Uncle Jack would allow that
fortunate" target="_blank" title="a.不幸的,运气差的">
unfortunate young man,
his brother, to come down here sometimes. We might have a good
influence over him, Miss Prism. I am sure you certainly would.
You know German, and geology, and things of that kind influence a
man very much. [CECILY begins to write in her diary.]
MISS PRISM. [Shaking her head.] I do not think that even I could
produce any effect on a
character that according to his own
brother's
mission" target="_blank" title="n.接纳;承认">
admission is irretrievably weak and vacillating. Indeed
I am not sure that I would desire to reclaim him. I am not in
favour of this modern mania for turning bad people into good people
at a moment's notice. As a man sows so let him reap. You must put
away your diary, Cecily. I really don't see why you should keep a
diary at all.
CECILY. I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of
my life. If I didn't write them down, I should probably forget all
about them.
MISS PRISM. Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry
about with us.
CECILY. Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have never
happened, and couldn't possibly have happened. I believe that
Memory is
responsible for nearly all the three-volume novels that
Mudie sends us.
MISS PRISM. Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel,
Cecily. I wrote one myself in earlier days.
CECILY. Did you really, Miss Prism? How
wonderfully clever you
are! I hope it did not end happily? I don't like novels that end
happily. They
depress me so much.
MISS PRISM. The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That
is what Fiction means.
CECILY. I suppose so. But it seems very
unfair. And was your
novel ever published?
MISS PRISM. Alas! no. The
manuscriptfortunate" target="_blank" title="a.不幸的,运气差的">
unfortunately was abandoned.
[CECILY starts.] I use the word in the sense of lost or mislaid.
To your work, child, these speculations are profitless.
CECILY. [Smiling.] But I see dear Dr. Chasuble coming up through
the garden.
MISS PRISM. [Rising and advancing.] Dr. Chasuble! This is indeed
a pleasure.
[Enter CANON CHASUBLE.]
CHASUBLE. And how are we this morning? Miss Prism, you are, I
trust, well?
CECILY. Miss Prism has just been complaining of a slight
headache.
I think it would do her so much good to have a short
stroll with
you in the Park, Dr. Chasuble.
MISS PRISM. Cecily, I have not mentioned anything about a
headache.
CECILY. No, dear Miss Prism, I know that, but I felt instinctively
that you had a
headache. Indeed I was thinking about that, and not
about my German lesson, when the Rector came in.
CHASUBLE. I hope, Cecily, you are not inattentive.
CECILY. Oh, I am afraid I am.
CHASUBLE. That is strange. Were I
fortunate enough to be Miss
Prism's pupil, I would hang upon her lips. [MISS PRISM glares.] I
spoke metaphorically. - My metaphor was drawn from bees. Ahem!
Mr. Worthing, I suppose, has not returned from town yet?
MISS PRISM. We do not expect him till Monday afternoon.
CHASUBLE. Ah yes, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London.
He is not one of those whose sole aim is
enjoyment, as, by all
accounts, that
fortunate" target="_blank" title="a.不幸的,运气差的">
unfortunate young man his brother seems to be. But
I must not
disturb Egeria and her pupil any longer.
MISS PRISM. Egeria? My name is Laetitia, Doctor.
CHASUBLE. [Bowing.] A
classicalallusion merely, drawn from the
Pagan authors. I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong?
MISS PRISM. I think, dear Doctor, I will have a
stroll with you.
I find I have a
headache after all, and a walk might do it good.
CHASUBLE. With pleasure, Miss Prism, with pleasure. We might go
as far as the schools and back.
MISS PRISM. That would be
delightful. Cecily, you will read your
Political Economy in my
absence. The chapter on the Fall of the
Rupee you may omit. It is somewhat too
sensational. Even these
metallic problems have their melodramatic side.
[Goes down the garden with DR. CHASUBLE.]
CECILY. [Picks up books and throws them back on table.] Horrid
Political Economy! Horrid Geography! Horrid,
horrid German!
[Enter MERRIMAN with a card on a salver.]
MERRIMAN. Mr. Ernest Worthing has just
driven over from the
station. He has brought his
luggage with him.
CECILY. [Takes the card and reads it.] 'Mr. Ernest Worthing, B.
4, The Albany, W.' Uncle Jack's brother! Did you tell him Mr.
Worthing was in town?
MERRIMAN. Yes, Miss. He seemed very much disappointed. I
mentioned that you and Miss Prism were in the garden. He said he
was
anxious to speak to you
privately for a moment.
CECILY. Ask Mr. Ernest Worthing to come here. I suppose you had
better talk to the
housekeeper about a room for him.
MERRIMAN. Yes, Miss.
[MERRIMAN goes off.]
CECILY. I have never met any really
wicked person before. I feel
rather frightened. I am so afraid he will look just like every one
else.
[Enter ALGERNON, very gay and debonnair.] He does!
ALGERNON. [Raising his hat.] You are my little cousin Cecily, I'm
sure.
CECILY. You are under some strange mistake. I am not little. In
fact, I believe I am more than usually tall for my age. [ALGERNON
is rather taken aback.] But I am your cousin Cecily. You, I see
from your card, are Uncle Jack's brother, my cousin Ernest, my
wicked cousin Ernest.
ALGERNON. Oh! I am not really
wicked at all, cousin Cecily. You
mustn't think that I am
wicked.
CECILY. If you are not, then you have certainly been deceiving us
all in a very inexcusable manner. I hope you have not been leading
a double life, pretending to be
wicked and being really good all
the time. That would be hypocrisy.
ALGERNON. [Looks at her in amazement.] Oh! Of course I have been
rather reckless.
CECILY. I am glad to hear it.
ALGERNON. In fact, now you mention the subject, I have been very
bad in my own small way.
CECILY. I don't think you should be so proud of that, though I am
sure it must have been very pleasant.
ALGERNON. It is much pleasanter being here with you.
CECILY. I can't understand how you are here at all. Uncle Jack
won't be back till Monday afternoon.
ALGERNON. That is a great
disappointment. I am obliged to go up
by the first train on Monday morning. I have a business
appointment that I am
anxious . . . to miss?
CECILY. Couldn't you miss it
anywhere but in London?
ALGERNON. No: the appointment is in London.
CECILY. Well, I know, of course, how important it is not to keep a
business
engagement, if one wants to
retain any sense of the beauty
of life, but still I think you had better wait till Uncle Jack
arrives. I know he wants to speak to you about your emigrating.
ALGERNON. About my what?
CECILY. Your emigrating. He has gone up to buy your
outfit.
ALGERNON. I certainly wouldn't let Jack buy my
outfit. He has no
taste in neckties at all.
CECILY. I don't think you will require neckties. Uncle Jack is
sending you to Australia.
ALGERNON. Australia! I'd sooner die.
CECILY. Well, he said at dinner on Wednesday night, that you would
have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia.
ALGERNON. Oh, well! The accounts I have received of Australia and
the next world, are not particularly encouraging. This world is
good enough for me, cousin Cecily.
CECILY. Yes, but are you good enough for it?
ALGERNON. I'm afraid I'm not that. That is why I want you to
reform me. You might make that your
mission, if you don't mind,
cousin Cecily.
CECILY. I'm afraid I've no time, this afternoon.
ALGERNON. Well, would you mind my reforming myself this afternoon?
CECILY. It is rather Quixotic of you. But I think you should try.
ALGERNON. I will. I feel better already.
CECILY. You are looking a little worse.
ALGERNON. That is because I am hungry.
CECILY. How
thoughtless of me. I should have remembered that when
one is going to lead an entirely new life, one requires regular and
wholesome meals. Won't you come in?
ALGERNON. Thank you. Might I have a buttonhole first? I never
have any
appetite unless I have a buttonhole first.
CECILY. A Marechal Niel? [Picks up scissors.]
ALGERNON. No, I'd sooner have a pink rose.
CECILY. Why? [Cuts a flower.]
ALGERNON. Because you are like a pink rose, Cousin Cecily.
CECILY. I don't think it can be right for you to talk to me like
that. Miss Prism never says such things to me.
ALGERNON. Then Miss Prism is a short-sighted old lady. [CECILY
puts the rose in his buttonhole.] You are the prettiest girl I
ever saw.
CECILY. Miss Prism says that all good looks are a snare.
ALGERNON. They are a snare that every
sensible man would like to
be caught in.
CECILY. Oh, I don't think I would care to catch a
sensible man. I
shouldn't know what to talk to him about.
[They pass into the house. MISS PRISM and DR. CHASUBLE return.]
MISS PRISM. You are too much alone, dear Dr. Chasuble. You should