alteration. Indeed, no woman should ever be quite accurate about

her age. It looks so calculating . . . [In a meditative manner.]
Eighteen, but admitting to twenty at evening parties. Well, it

will not be very long before you are of age and free from the
restraints of tutelage. So I don't think your guardian's consent

is, after all, a matter of any importance.
JACK. Pray excuse me, Lady Bracknell, for interrupting you again,

but it is only fair to tell you that according to the terms of her
grandfather's will Miss Cardew does not come legally of age till

she is thirty-five.
LADY BRACKNELL. That does not seem to me to be a grave objection.

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of
women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice,

remained thirty-five for years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance in
point. To my own knowledge she has been thirty-five ever since she

arrived at the age of forty, which was many years ago now. I see
no reason why our dear Cecily should not be even still more

attractive at the age you mention than she is at present. There
will be a large accumulation of property.

CECILY. Algy, could you wait for me till I was thirty-five?
ALGERNON. Of course I could, Cecily. You know I could.

CECILY. Yes, I felt it instinctively, but I couldn't wait all that
time. I hate waiting even five minutes for anybody. It always

makes me rather cross. I am not punctual myself, I know, but I do
like punctuality in others, and waiting, even to be married, is

quite out of the question.
ALGERNON. Then what is to be done, Cecily?

CECILY. I don't know, Mr. Moncrieff.
LADY BRACKNELL. My dear Mr. Worthing, as Miss Cardew states

positively that she cannot wait till she is thirty-five - a remark
which I am bound to say seems to me to show a somewhat impatient

nature - I would beg of you to reconsider your decision.
JACK. But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter is entirely in your

own hands. The moment you consent to my marriage with Gwendolen, I
will most gladly allow your nephew to form an alliance with my

ward.
LADY BRACKNELL. [Rising and drawing herself up.] You must be

quite aware that what you propose is out of the question.
JACK. Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look

forward to.
LADY BRACKNELL. That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen.

Algernon, of course, can choose for himself. [Pulls out her
watch.] Come, dear, [GWENDOLEN rises] we have already missed five,

if not six, trains. To miss any more might expose us to comment on
the platform.

[Enter DR. CHASUBLE.]
CHASUBLE. Everything is quite ready for the christenings.

LADY BRACKNELL. The christenings, sir! Is not that somewhat
premature?

CHASUBLE. [Looking rather puzzled, and pointing to JACK and
ALGERNON.] Both these gentlemen have expressed a desire for

immediate baptism.
LADY BRACKNELL. At their age? The idea is grotesque and

irreligious! Algernon, I forbid you to be baptized. I will not
hear of such excesses. Lord Bracknell would be highly displeased

if he learned that that was the way in which you wasted your time
and money.

CHASUBLE. Am I to understand then that there are to he no
christenings at all this afternoon?

JACK. I don't think that, as things are now, it would be of much
practical value to either of us, Dr. Chasuble.

CHASUBLE. I am grieved to hear such sentiments from you, Mr.
Worthing. They savour of the heretical views of the Anabaptists,

views that I have completely refuted in four of my unpublished
sermons. However, as your present mood seems to be one peculiarly

secular, I will return to the church at once. Indeed, I have just
been informed by the pew-opener that for the last hour and a half

Miss Prism has been waiting for me in the vestry.
LADY BRACKNELL. [Starting.] Miss Prism! Did I bear you mention a

Miss Prism?
CHASUBLE. Yes, Lady Bracknell. I am on my way to join her.

LADY BRACKNELL. Pray allow me to detain you for a moment. This
matter may prove to be one of vital importance to Lord Bracknell

and myself. Is this Miss Prism a female of repellent aspect,
remotely connected with education?

CHASUBLE. [Somewhat indignantly.] She is the most cultivated of
ladies, and the very picture of respectability.

LADY BRACKNELL. It is obviously the same person. May I ask what
position she holds in your household?

CHASUBLE. [Severely.] I am a celibate, madam.
JACK. [Interposing.] Miss Prism, Lady Bracknell, has been for the

last three years Miss Cardew's esteemed governess and valued
companion.

LADY BRACKNELL. In spite of what I hear of her, I must see her at
once. Let her be sent for.

CHASUBLE. [Looking off.] She approaches; she is nigh.
[Enter MISS PRISM hurriedly.]

MISS PRISM. I was told you expected me in the vestry, dear Canon.
I have been waiting for you there for an hour and three-quarters.

[Catches sight of LADY BRACKNELL, who has fixed her with a stony
glare. MISS PRISM grows pale and quails. She looks anxiously

round as if desirous to escape.]
LADY BRACKNELL. [In a severe, judicial voice.] Prism! [MISS

PRISM bows her head in shame.] Come here, Prism! [MISS PRISM
approaches in a humble manner.] Prism! Where is that baby?

[General consternation. The CANON starts back in horror. ALGERNON
and JACK pretend to be anxious to shield CECILY and GWENDOLEN from

hearing the details of a terrible public scandal.] Twenty-eight
years ago, Prism, you left Lord Bracknell's house, Number 104,

Upper Grosvenor Street, in charge of a perambulator that contained
a baby of the male sex. You never returned. A few weeks later,

through the elaborate investigations of the Metropolitan police,
the perambulator was discovered at midnight, standing by itself in

a remote corner of Bayswater. It contained the manuscript of a
three-volume novel of more than usually revolting sentimentality.

[MISS PRISM starts in involuntary indignation.] But the baby was
not there! [Every one looks at MISS PRISM.] Prism! Where is that

baby? [A pause.]
MISS PRISM. Lady Bracknell, I admit with shame that I do not know.

I only wish I did. The plain facts of the case are these. On the
morning of the day you mention, a day that is for ever branded on

my memory, I prepared as usual to take the baby out in its
perambulator. I had also with me a somewhat old, but capacious

hand-bag in which I had intended to place the manuscript of a work
of fiction that I had written during my few unoccupied hours. In a

moment of mental abstraction, for which I never can forgive myself,
I deposited the manuscript in the basinette, and placed the baby in

the hand-bag.
JACK. [Who has been listening attentively.] But where did you

deposit the hand-bag?
MISS PRISM. Do not ask me, Mr. Worthing.

JACK. Miss Prism, this is a matter of no small importance to me.
I insist on knowing where you deposited the hand-bag that contained

that infant.
MISS PRISM. I left it in the cloak-room of one of the larger

railway stations in London.
JACK. What railway station?