experience a mixture of bitterness, with the recollection of our
most innocent enjoyments.

"The circumstances which, during my childhood, occurred to
fashion my mind, were various; yet, as it would probably afford me

more pleasure to revive the fading remembrance of newborn delight,
than you, my child, could feel in the perusal, I will not entice

you to stray with me into the verdant meadow, to search for the
flowers that youthful hopes scatter in every path; though, as I

write, I almost scent the fresh green of spring--of that spring
which never returns!

"I had two sisters, and one brother, younger than myself, my
brother Robert was two years older, and might truly be termed the

idol of his parents, and the torment of the rest of the family.
Such indeed is the force of prejudice, that what was called spirit

and wit in him, was cruelly repressed as forwardness in me.
"My mother had an indolence of character, which prevented her

from paying much attention to our education. But the healthy breeze
of a neighbouring heath, on which we bounded at pleasure, volatilized

the humours that improper food might have generated. And to enjoy
open air and freedom, was paradise, after the unnatural restraint

of our fireside, where we were often obliged to sit three or four
hours together, without daring to utter a word, when my father was

out of humour, from want of employment, or of a variety of boisterous
amusement. I had however one advantage, an instructor, the brother

of my father, who, intended for the church, had of course received
a liberal education. But, becoming attached to a young lady of

great beauty and large fortune, and acquiring in the world some
opinions not consonant with the profession for which he was designed,

he accepted, with the most sanguine expectations of success, the
offer of a nobleman to accompany him to India, as his confidential

secretary.
"A correspondence was regularly kept up with the object of

his affection; and the intricacies of business, peculiarly" target="_blank" title="ad.特有地；古怪地">peculiarly wearisome
to a man of a romantic turn of mind, contributed, with a forced

absence, to increase his attachment. Every other passion was lost
in this master-one, and only served to swell the torrent. Her

relations, such were his waking dreams, who had despised him, would
court in their turn his alliance, and all the blandishments of

taste would grace the triumph of love.--While he basked in the warm
sunshine of love, friendship also promised to shed its dewy freshness;

for a friend, whom he loved next to his mistress, was the confident,
who forwarded the letters from one to the other, to elude the

observation of prying relations. A friend false in similar
circumstances, is, my dearest girl, an old tale; yet, let not this

example, or the frigid caution of coldblooded moralists, make you
endeavour to stifle hopes, which are the buds that naturally unfold

themselves during the spring of life! Whilst your own heart is
sincere, always expect to meet one glowing with the same sentiments;

for to fly from pleasure, is not to avoid pain!
"My uncle realized, by good luck, rather than management, a

handsome fortune; and returning on the wings of love, lost in the
most enchanting reveries, to England, to share it with his mistress

and his friend, he found them--united.
"There were some circumstances, not necessary for me to recite,

which aggravated the guilt of the friend beyond measure, and the
deception, that had been carried on to the last moment, was so

base, it produced the most violent effect on my uncle's health and
spirits. His native country, the world! lately a garden of blooming

sweets, blasted by treachery, seemed changed into a parched desert,
the abode of hissing serpents. Disappointment rankled in his heart;

and, brooding over his wrongs, he was attacked by a raging fever,
followed by a derangement of mind, which only gave place to habitual

melancholy, as he recovered more strength of body.
"Declaring an intention never to marry, his relations were

ever clustering about him, paying the grossest adulation to a man,
who, disgusted with mankind, received them with scorn, or bitter

sarcasms. Something in my countenance pleased him, when I began
to prattle. Since his return, he appeared dead to affection; but

I soon, by showing him innocentfondness, became a favourite; and
endeavouring to enlarge and strengthen my mind, I grew dear to him

in portion" target="_blank" title="n.比率 vt.使成比例">proportion as I imbibed his sentiments. He had a forcible manner
of speaking, rendered more so by a certain impressive wildness of

look and gesture, calculated to engage the attention of a young
and ardent mind. It is not then surprising that I quickly adopted

his opinions in preference, and reverenced him as one of a superior
order of beings. He inculcated, with great warmth, self-respect,

and a lofty consciousness of acting right, independent of the
censure or applause of the world; nay, he almost taught me to brave,

and even despise its censure, when convinced of the rectitude of
my own intentions.

"Endeavouring to prove to me that nothing which deserved the
name of love or friendship, existed in the world, he drew such

animated pictures of his own feelings, rendered permanent by
disappointment, as imprinted the sentiments strongly on my heart,

and animated my imagination. These remarks are necessary to
elucidate some peculiarities in my character, which by the world

are indefinitely termed romantic.
"My uncle's increasing affection led him to visit me often.

Still, unable to rest in any place, he did not remain long in the
country to softendomestictyranny; but he brought me books, for

which I had a passion, and they conspired with his conversation,
to make me form an ideal picture of life. I shall pass over the

tyranny of my father, much as I suffered from it; but it is necessary
to notice, that it undermined my mother's health; and that her

temper, continually irritated by domestic bickering, became
intolerably peevish.

"My eldest brother was articled to a neighbouring attorney,
the shrewdest, and, I may add, the most unprincipled man in that

part of the country. As my brother generally came home every
Saturday, to astonish my mother by exhibiting his attainments, he

gradually assumed a right of directing the whole family, not
excepting my father. He seemed to take a peculiar pleasure in

tormenting and humbling me; and if I ever ventured to complain of
this treatment to either my father or mother, I was rudely rebuffed

for presuming to judge of the conduct of my eldest brother.
"About this period a merchant's family came to settle in our

neighbourhood. A mansion-house in the village, lately purchased,
had been preparing the whole spring, and the sight of the costly

furniture, sent from London, had excited my mother's envy, and
roused my father's pride. My sensations were very different, and

all of a pleasurable kind. I longed to see new characters, to
break the tediousmonotony of my life; and to find a friend, such

as fancy had pourtrayed. I cannot then describe the emotion I
felt, the Sunday they made their appearance at church. My eyes

were rivetted on the pillar round which I expected first to catch
a glimpse of them, and darted forth to meet a servant who hastily

preceded a group of ladies, whose white robes and waving plumes,
seemed to stream along the gloomy aisle, diffusing the light, by

which I contemplated their figures.
"We visited them in form; and I quickly selected the eldest

daughter for my friend. The second son, George, paid me particular
attention, and finding his attainments and manners superior to

those of the young men of the village, I began to imagine him
superior to the rest of mankind. Had my home been more comfortable,

or my previousacquaintance more numerous, I should not probably
have been so eager to open my heart to new affections.

"Mr. Venables, the merchant, had acquired a large fortune by
unremitting attention to business; but his health declining rapidly,

he was obliged to retire, before his son, George, had acquired
sufficient experience, to enable him to conduct their affairs on

the same prudential plan, his father had invariably pursued.
Indeed, he had laboured to throw off his authority, having despised

his narrow plans and cautiousspeculation. The eldest son could
not be prevailed on to enter the firm; and, to oblige his wife,

and have peace in the house, Mr. Venables had purchased a commission
for him in the guards.

"I am now alluding to circumstances which came to my knowledge
long after; but it is necessary, my dearest child, that you should

know the character of your father, to prevent your despising your
mother; the only parent inclined to discharge a parent's duty. In

London, George had acquired habits of libertinism, which he carefully
concealed from his father and his commercial connections. The mask