counting his strength. Should one of them fall in the
conflict he
would shake off the dust, deny his
mishap and begin the struggle anew.
Not one of these generals of old time would have asked Cleaenetus to
be fed at the cost of the State; but our present men refuse to
fight, unless they get the honours of the Prytaneum and precedence
in their seats. As for us, we place our
valour gratuitously at the
service of Athens and of her gods; our only hope is that, should peace
ever put a term te our toils, you will not
grudge us our long, scented
hair nor our
delicate care for our toilet.
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
Oh! Pallas,
guardian of Athens, you, who reign over the most pious
city, the most powerful, the richest in warriors and in poets,
hasten to my call, bringing in your train our
faithful ally in all our
expeditions and combats, Victory, who smiles on our choruses and
fights with us against our rivals. Oh!
goddess!
manifest yourself to
our sight; this day more than ever we
deserve that you should ensure
our triumph.
LEADER OF SECOND SEMI-CHORUS
We will sing
likewise the exploits of our steeds! they are
worthy of our praises; in what invasions, what fights have I not
seen them helping us! But especially
admirable were they, when they
bravely leapt upon the galleys,
taking nothing with them but a
coarse wine, some cloves of
garlic and onions;
despite this, they
nevertheless seized the sweeps just like men, curved their backs
over the thwarts and shouted, "Hippapai! Give way! Come, all pull
together! Come, come! How! Samphoras! Are you not rowing?" They rushed
down upon the coast of Corinth, and the youngest hollowed out beds
in the sand with their hoofs or went to fetch coverings; instead of
luzern, they had no food but crabs, which they caught on the strand
and even in the sea; so that Theorus causes a Corinthian crab to
say, "'Tis a cruel fate, oh Posidon neither my deep hiding-places,
whether on land or at sea, can help me to escape the Knights."
(The SAUSAGE-SELLER returns.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Welcome, oh, dearest and bravest of men! How distracted I have
been during your absence! But here you are back, safe and sound.
Tell us about the fight you have had.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
The important thing is that I have
beaten the Senate.
CHORUS (singing)
All glory to you! Let us burst into shouts of joy! You speak well,
but your deeds are even better. Come, tell me everything in detail;
what a long journey would I not be ready to take to hear your tale!
Come, dear friend, speak with full confidence to your admirers.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
The story is worth
hearing. Listen! From here I rushed straight to
the Senate, right in the track of this man; he was already letting
loose the storm, unchaining the
lightning, crushing the Knights
beneath huge mountains of calumnies heaped together and having all the
air of truth; he called you conspirators and his lies caught root like
weeds in every mind; dark were the looks on every side and brows
were knitted. When I saw that the Senate listened to him favourably
and was being tricked by his imposture I said to myself, "Come, gods
of rascals and braggarts, gods of all fools, and toad-eaters, and thou
too, oh market-place,
wherein I was bred from my earliest days, give
me unbridled
audacity, an untiring
chatter and a shameless voice."
No sooner had I ended this prayer than a pederast farted on my
right. "Hah! a good omen," said I, and prostrated myself; then I burst
open the door by a
vigorous push with my arse, and,
opening my mouth
to the
utmost, shouted, "Senators, I wanted you to be the first to
hear the good news; since the war broke out, I have never seen
anchovies at a lower price!" All faces brightened at once and I was
voted a chaplet for my good
tidings; and I added, "With a couple of
words I will reveal to you how you can have quantities of anchovies
for an obol; all you have to do is to seize on all the dishes the
merchants have." With mouths gaping with
admiration, they applauded
me. However, the Paphlagonian winded the matter and, well knowing
the sort of language which pleases the Senate best, said, "Friends,
I am
resolved to offer one hundred oxen to the
goddess in
recognition of this happy event." The Senate at once veered to his
side. So when I saw myself defeated by this ox dung, I outbade the
fellow, crying, "Two hundred!" And beyond this I moved that a vow be
made to Diana of a thousand goats if the next day anchovies should
only be worth an obol a hundred. And the Senate looked towards me
again. The other, stunned with the blow, grew delirious in his speech,
and at last the Prytanes and the Scythians dragged him out. The
Senators then stood talking noisily about the anchovies. Cleon,
however, begged them to listen to the Lacedaemonian envoy, who had
come to make proposals of peace; but all with one
accord cried
"Certainly it's not the moment to think of peace now! If anchovies are
so cheap, what need have we of peace? Let the war take its course!"
And with loud shouts they demanded that the Prytanes should close
the sitting and then they leapt over the rails in all directions. As
for me, I slipped away to buy all the coriander seed and leeks there
were on the market and gave it to them gratis as seasoning for their
anchovies. It was marvellous! They loaded me with praises and
caresses; thus I conquered the Senate with an obol's worth of leeks,
and here I am.
CHORUS (singing)
Bravo! you are the spoilt child of Fortune. Ah! our knave has
found his match in another, who has far better tricks in his sack, a
thousand kinds of knaveries and of wily words. But the fight begins
afresh; take care not to
weaken; you know that I have long been your
most
faithful ally.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Ah! ah! here comes the Paphlagonian! One would say it was a
hurricane lashing the sea and rolling the waves before it in its fury.
He looks as if he wanted to
swallow me up alive! Ye gods! what an
impudent knave!
CLEON (as he rushes in)
To my aid, my
beloved lies! I am going to destroy you, or my
name is lost.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Oh! how he diverts me with his threats His
bluster makes me laugh!
And I dance the mothon for joy, and sing at the top of my voice,
cuckoo!
CLEON
Ah! by Demeter! if I do not kill and
devour you, may I die!
SAUSAGE-SELLER
If you do not
devour me? and I, if I do not drink your blood to
the last drop, and then burst with indigestion.
CLEON
I, I will strangle you, I swear it by the front seat which Pylos
gained me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
By the front seat! Ah! Ah! might I see you fall into the
hindmost seat!
CLEON
By heaven! I will put you to the torture.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
What a
lively wit! Come, what's the best to give you to eat?
What do you prefer? A purse?
CLEON
I will tear out your insides with my nails.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And I will cut off your victuals at the Prytaneum.
CLEON
I will haul you before Demos, who will mete out justice to you.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And I too will drag you before him and belch forth more
calumnies than you. Why, poor fool, he does not believe you,
whereas I
play with him at will.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Is then Demos your property, your
contemptible creature?
CLEON
It's because I know the dishes that please him.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And these are little mouthfuls, which you serve to him like a
clever nurse. You chew the pieces and place some in small quantities
in his mouth, while you
swallow three parts yourself.
CLEON
Thanks to my skill, I know exactly how to
enlarge or contract this
gullet.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
My arse is just as clever.
CLEON
Well, my friend, you tricked me at the Senate, but take care!
Let us go before Demos.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
That's easily done; come, let's do it right away.
CLEON (loudly)
Oh, Demos! Come, I adjure you to help me, my father I
SAUSAGE-SELLER (more loudly)
Come, oh, my dear little Demos; come and see how I am insulted.
DEMOS (coming out of his house followed by DEMOSTHENES)
What a hubhub! To the Devil with you, bawlers! Alas! my olive
branch, which they have torn down! Ah! it's you, Paphlagonian. And
who, pray, has been maltreating you?
CLEON
You are the cause of this man and these young people having
covered me with blows.
DEMOS
And why?
CLEON
Because you love me
passionately, Demos.
DEMOS (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER)
And you, who are you?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
His rival. For many a long year have I loved you, have I wished to
do you honour, I and a crowd of other men of means. But this rascal
here has prevented us. You
resemble those young men who do not know
where to choose their lovers; you
repulse honest folks; to earn your
favours, one has to be a lamp-seller, a
cobbler, a
tanner or a
currier.
CLEON
I am the
benefactor of the people.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
In what way, please?
CLEON
In what way? I supplanted the Generals at Pylos, I
hurried thither
and I brought back the Laconian captives.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And I,
whilst simply loitering, cleared off with a pot from a
shop, which another fellow had been boiling.
CLEON
Demos, convene the
assembly at once to decide which of us two
loves you best and most merits your favour.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Yes, yes, provided it be not at the Pnyx.
DEMOS
I could not sit
elsewhere; it is at the Pnyx that you must
appear before me.
(He sits down on a stone in the Orchestra,)
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Ah! great gods! I am undone! At home this old fellow is the most
sensible of men, but the
instant he is seated on those cursed stone
seats, he is there with mouth agape as if he were
hanging up figs by
their stems to dry.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
Come, loose all sail. Be bold, skilful in attack and entangle
him in arguments which admit of no reply. It is difficult to beat him,