By Posidon! You! would you beat me in impudence! If you succeed,
may I no longer have my share of the victims offered to Zeus on the
city altar.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And I, I swear by the blows that have so oft rained upon my
shoulders since
infancy, and by the
knives that have cut me, that I
will show more effrontery than you; as sure as I have rounded this
fine
stomach by feeding on the pieces of bread that had cleansed other
folk's
greasy fingers.
CLEON
On pieces of bread, like a dog! Ah! wretch! you have the nature of
a dog and you dare to fight a dog-headed ape?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
I have many another trick in my sack, memories of my childhood's
days. I used to
linger around the cooks and say to them, "Look,
friends, don't you see a
swallow? It's the
herald of springtime."
And while they stood, their noses in the air, I made off with a
piece of meat.
CHORUS
Oh! most clever man! How well thought out! You did as the eaters
of artichokes, you gathered them before the return of the
swallows."
SAUSAGE-SELLER
They could make nothing of it; or, if they suspected a trick, I
hid the meat in my crotch and denied the thing by all the gods-so that
an
orator,
seeing me at the game, cried, "This child will get on; he
has the mettle that makes a statesman."
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
He argued
rightly; to steal, perjure yourself and make your arse
receptive are three essentials for climbing high.
CLEON
I will stop your
insolence, or rather the
insolence of both of
you. I will throw myself upon you like a terrible
hurricane ravaging
both land and sea at the will of its fury.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Then I will gather up my sausages and
entrust myself to the kindly
waves of fortune so as to make you all the more enraged.
DEMOSTHENES
And I will watch in the bilges in case the boat should make water.
CLEON
No, by Demeter! I swear, it will not be with
impunity that you
have thieved so many talents from the Athenians.
DEMOSTHENES (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER)
Oh! oh! reef your sail a bit! Here is a Northeaster blowing
calumniously.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
I know that you got ten talents out of Potidaea.
CLEON
Wait! I will give you one; but keep it dark!
DEMOSTHENES (aside)
Hah! that will please him mightily; (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER) now
you can travel under full sail. The wind has lost its violence.
CLEON
I will bring four suits against you, each of one hundred talents.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And I twenty against you for shirking duty and more than a
thousand for robbery.
CLEON
I
maintain that your parents were
guilty of sacrilege against
the goddess.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And I, that one of your grandfathers was a satellite....
CLEON
To whom? Explain!
SAUSAGE-SELLER
To Byrsina, the mother of Hippias.
CLEON
You are an impostor.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And you are a rogue.
(He strikes CLEON with a sausage.)
DEMOSTHENES
Hit him hard.
CLEON
Alas! The conspirators are murdering me!
DEMOSTHENES (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER)
Hit him! Hit him with all your might! Bruise his belly and lash
him with your guts and your tripe! Punish him with both hands!
(CLEON sinks beneath the blows.)
CHORUS-LEADER
Oh!
vigorousassailant and intrepid heart! See how you have
totally routed him in this duel of abuse, so that to us and to the
citizens you seem the
saviour of the city. How shall I give tongue
to my joy and praise you sufficiently?
CLEON (recovering his wits)
Ah! by Demeter! I was not
ignorant of this plot and these
machinations that were being forged and nailed and put together
against me.
DEMOSTHENES (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER)
Look out, look out! Come outfence him with some wheelwright slang.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
His tricks at Argos do not escape me. Under
pretence of forming an
alliance with the Argives, he is hatching a plot with the
Lacedaemonians there; and I know why the bellows are blowing and the
metal that is on the anvil; it's the question of the prisoners.
DEMOSTHENES
Well done! Forge on, if he be a wheelwright.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And there are men at Sparta who are hammering the iron with you;
but neither gold nor silver nor prayers nor anything else shall impede
my denouncing your trickery to the Athenians.
CLEON
As for me, I
hasten to the Senate to reveal your plotting, your
nightly gatherings in the city, your trafficking with the Medes and
with the Great King, and all you are foraging for in Boeotia.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
What price then is paid for
forage by Boeotians?
CLEON
Oh! by Heracles! I will tan your hide.
(He departs.)
DEMOSTHENES
Come, if you have both wit and heart, now is the time to show
it, as on the day when you hid the meat in your crotch, as you say.
Hasten to the Senate, for he will rush there like a tornado to
calumniate us all and give vent to his
fearful bellowings.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
I am going, but first I must rid myself of my tripe and my
knives;
I will leave them here.
DEMOSTHENES
Stay! rub your neck with lard; in this way you will slip between
the fingers of calumny.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Spoken like a finished wrestling coach.
DEMOSTHENES
Now, bolt down these cloves of
garlic.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Pray, what for?
DEMOSTHENES
Well primed with
garlic, you will have greater mettle for the
fight. But hurry, make haste rapidly!
SAUSAGE-SELLER
That's just what I'm doing.
(He departs.)
DEMOSTHENES
And, above all, bite your foe, rend him to atoms, tear off his
comb and do not return until you have devoured his wattles.
(He goes into the house of DEMOS.)
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Go! make your attack with a light heart,
avenge me and may Zeus
guard you! I burn to see you return the
victor and laden with chaplets
of glory. And you, spectators, enlightened critics of all kind of
poetry, lend an ear to my anapests. (The Chorus moves forward and
faces the audience.)
Had one of the old authors asked me to mount this stage to
recite his verses, he would not have found it hard to
persuade me. But
our poet of to-day is
likewiseworthy of this favour; he shares our
hatred, he dares to tell the truth, he
boldly braves both
waterspouts and
hurricanes. Many among you, he tells us, have
expressed wonder, that he has not long since had a piece presented
in his own name, and have asked the reason why. This is what he bids
us say in reply to your questions; it is not without grounds that he
has courted the shade, for, in his opinion, nothing is more
difficult than to
cultivate the comic Muse; many court her, but very
few secure her favours. Moreover, he knows that you are
fickle by
nature and
betray your poets when they grow old. What fate befell
Magnes, when his hair went white? Often enough had he triumphed over
his rivals; he had sung in all keys, played the lyre and fluttered
wings; he turned into a Lydian and even into a gnat, daubed himself
with green to become a frog. All in vain! When young, you applauded
him; in his old age you hooted and mocked him, because his genius
for raillery had gone. Cratinus again was like a
torrent of glory
rushing across the plain, up-rooting oak, plane tree and rivals and
bearing them pell-mell in his wake. The only songs at the banquet
were, "Doro, shod with lying tales" and "Adepts of the Lyric Muse," so
great was his
renown. Look at him now! he drivels, his lyre has
neither strings nor keys, his voice quivers, but you have no pity
for him, and you let him
wander about as he can, like Connas, his
temples circled with a withered chaplet; the poor old fellow is
dying of
thirst; he who, in honour of his
glorious past, should be
in the Prytaneum drinking at his ease, and instead of trudging the
country should be sitting
amongst the first row of the spectators,
close to the
statue of Dionysus and loaded with perfumes. Crates,
again, have you done hounding him with your rage and your hisses?
True, it was but meagre fare that his
sterile Muse could offer you;
a few
ingenious fancies formed the sole ingredients, but
nevertheless he knew how to stand firm and to recover from his
falls. It is such examples that
frighten our poet; in
addition, he
would tell himself, that before being a pilot, he must first know
how to row, then to keep watch at the prow, after that how to gauge
the winds, and that only then would he be able to command his
vessel. If then you
approve this wise
caution and his
resolve that
he would not bore you with foolish
nonsense, raise loud waves of
applause in his favour this day, so that, at this Lenaean feast, the
breath of your favour may swell the sails of his
triumphantgalley and
the poet may
withdraw proud of his success, with head erect and his
face
beaming with delight.
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS (singing)
Posidon, god of the racing steeds, I
salute you, you who delight
in their neighing and in the resounding
clatter of their brass-shod
hoofs, god of the swift
galleys, which, loaded with mercenaries,
cleave the seas with their azure beaks, god of the equestrian
contests, in which young rivals, eager for glory, ruin themselves
for the sake of
distinction with their chariots in the arena, come and
direct our
chorus; Posidon with the trident of gold, you, who reign
over the dolphins, who are worshipped at Sunium and at Geraestus
beloved of Phormio, and dear to the whole city above all the
immortals, I
salute you!
LEADER OF FIRST SEMI-CHORUS
Let us sing the glory of our forefathers; ever
victors, both on
land and sea, they merit that Athens, rendered famous by these, her
worthy sons, should write their deeds upon the
sacred peplus. As
soon as they saw the enemy, they at once
sprang at him without ever