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alone? Dear Demos, do you see this stewed hare which I bring you?

CLEON
Ah! rascal! you have shamelessly robbed me.

SAUSAGE-SELLER
You have robbed too, you robbed the Laconians at Pylos.

DEMOS
Please tell me, how did you get the idea to filch it from him?

SAUSAGE-SELLER
The idea comes from the goddess; the theft is all my own.

CLEON
And I had taken such trouble to catch this hare and I was the

one who had it cooked.
DEMOS (to CLEON)

Get you gone! My thanks are only for him who served it.
CLEON

Ah! wretch! you have beaten me in impudence!
SAUSAGE-SELLER

Well then, Demos, say now, who has treated you best, you and
your stomach? Decide!

DEMOS
How shall I act here so that the spectators shall approve my

judgment?
SAUSAGE-SELLER

I will tell you. Without saying anything, go and rummage through
my basket, and then through the Paphlagonian's, and see what is in

them; that's the best way to judge.
DEMOS

Let us see then, what is there in yours?
SAUSAGE-SELLER

Why, it's empty, dear little father; I have brought everything
to you.

DEMOS
This is a basket devoted to the people.

SAUSAGE-SELLER
Now hunt through the Paphlagonian's. (Pause, as Demos does so)

Well?
DEMOS

Oh! what a lot of good things! Why it's quite full! Oh! what a
huge great part of this cake he kept for himself! He had only cut

off the least little tiny piece for me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER

But this is what he has always done. Of everything he took, he
only gave you the crumbs, and kept the bulk.

DEMOS (to CLEON)
Oh! rascal! was this the way you robbed me? And I was loading

you with chaplets and gifts!
CLEON

I robbed for the public weal.
DEMOS (to CLEON)

Give me back that crown; I shall give it to him.
SAUSAGE-SELLER

Return it quick, quick, you gallows-bird.
CLEON

No, for the Pythian oracle has revealed to me the name of him
who shall overthrow me.

SAUSAGE-SELLER
And that name was mine, nothing can be clearer.

CLEON
Reply and I shall soon see whether you are indeed the man whom the

god intended. Firstly, what school did you attend when a child?
SAUSAGE-SELLER

It was in the kitchens, where I was taught with cuffs and blows.
CLEON

What's that you say? (aside) Ah! this is truly what the oracle
said.

(To the SAUSAGE-SELLER) And what did you learn from the master of
exercises?

SAUSAGE-SELLER
I learnt to take a false oath without a smile, when I had stolen

something.
CLEON (frightened; aside)

Oh! Phoebus Apollo, god of Lycia! I am undone! (To the
SAUSAGE-SELLER) And when you had become a man, what trade did you

follow?
SAUSAGE-SELLER

I sold sausages and did a bit of fornication.
CLEON (in consternation; aside)

Oh! my god! I am a lost man! Ah! still one slender hope remains.
(to the SAUSAGE-SELLER) Tell me, was it on the market-place or near

the gates that you sold your sausages?
SAUSAGE-SELLER

Near the gates, in the market for salted goods.
CLEON (in tragic despair)

Alas! I see the prophecy of the god is verily come true. Alas!
roll me home. I am a miserable ruined man. Farewell, my chaplet.

'Tis death to me to part with you. So you are to belong to another;
'tis certain he cannot be a greater thief, but perhaps he may be a

luckier one.
(He gives the chaplet to the SAUSAGE-SELLER.)

SAUSAGE-SELLER
Oh! Zeus, protector of Greece! 'tis to you I owe this victory!

DEMOSTHENES
Hail! illustriousconqueror, but forget not, that if you have

become a great man, 'tis thanks to me; I ask but a little thing;
appoint me secretary of the law-court in the room of Phanus.

DEMOS (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER)
But what is your name then? Tell me.

SAUSAGE-SELLER
My name is Agoracritus, because I have always lived on the

marketplace in the midst of lawsuits.
DEMOS

Well then, Agoracritus, I stand by you; as for the Paphlagonian, I
hand him over to your mercy.

AGORACRITUS
Demos, I will care for you to the best of my power, and all

shall admit that no citizen is more devoted than I to this city of
simpletons.

(They all enter the house of DEMOS.)
CHORUS (singing)

What fitter theme for our Muse, at the close as at the beginning
of our work, than this, to sing the hero who drives his swift steeds

down the arena? Why afflict Lysistratus with our satires on his
poverty, and Thumantis, who has not so much as a lodging? He is

dying of hunger and can be seen at Delphi, his face bathed in tears,
clinging to your quiver, oh, Apollo and supplicating you to take him

out of his misery.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS

An insult directed at the wicked is not to be censured; on the
contrary, the honest man, if he has sense, can only applaud. Him, whom

I wish to brand with infamy, is little known himself; he's the brother
of Arignotus. I regret to quote this name which is so dear to me,

but whoever can distinguish black from white, or the Orthian mode of
music from others, knows the virtues of Arignotus, whom his brother,

Ariphrades, in no way resembles. He gloats in vice, is not merely a
dissolute man and utterly debauched-but he has actually invented a new

form of vice; for he pollutes his tongue with abominable pleasures
in brothels, befouling all of his body. Whoever is not horrified at

such a monster shall never drink from the same cup with me.
CHORUS (singing)

At times a thought weighs on me at night; I wonder whence comes
this fearful voracity of Cleonymus. 'Tis said that when dining with

a rich host, he springs at the dishes with the gluttony of a wild
beast and never leaves the bread-bin until his host seizes him round

the knees, exclaiming, "Go, go, good gentleman, in mercy go, and spare
my poor table!"

LEADER OF THE CHORUS
It is said that the triremes assembled in council and that the

oldest spoke in these terms, "Are you ignorant, my sisters, of what is
plotting in Athens? They say that a certain Hyperbolus, a bad

citizen and an infamousscoundrel, asks for a hundred of us to take
them to sea against Carthage." All were indignant, and one of them, as

yet a virgin, cried, "May god forbid that I should ever obey him! I
would prefer to grow old in the harbour and be gnawed by worms. No! by

the gods I swear it, Nauphante, daughter of Nauson, shall never bend
to his law; that's as true as I am made of wood and pitch. If the

Athenians vote for the proposal of Hyperbolus, let them! we will hoist
full sail and seek refuge by the temple of Theseus or the shrine of

the Eumenides. No! he shall not command us! No! he shall not play with
the city to this extent! Let him sail by himself for Tartarus, if such

please him, launching the boats in which he used to sell his lamps."
(The SAUSAGE-SELLER comes out of the house of DEMOS, splendidly

robed.)
AGORACRITUS (solemnly)

Maintain a holy silence! Keep your mouths from utterance! call
no more witnesses; close these tribunals, which are the delight of

this city, and gather at the theatre to chant the Paean of
thanksgiving to the gods for a fresh favour.

LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! torch of sacred Athens, saviour of the Islands, what good

tidings are we to celebrate by letting the blood of the victims flow
in our marketplaces?

AGORACRITUS
I have freshened Demos up somewhat on the stove and have turned

his ugliness into beauty.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS

I admire your invertive genius; but, where is he?
AGORACRITUS

He is living in ancient Athens, the city of the garlands of
violets.

LEADER OF THE CHORUS
How I should like to see him! What is his dress like, what his

manner?
AGORACRITUS

He has once more become as he was in the days when he lived with
Aristides and Miltiades. But you will judge for yourselves, for I hear

the vestibule doors opening. Hail with your shouts of gladness the
Athens of old, which now doth reappear to your gaze, admirable, worthy

of the songs of the poets and the home of the illustrious Demos.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS

Oh! noble, brilliant Athens, whose brow is wreathed with
violets, show us the sovereign master of this land and of all Greece.

(DEMOS comes from his house, rejuvenated and joyous.)
AGORACRITUS

Lo! here he is coming with his hair held in place with a golden
band and in all the glory of his old-world dress; perfumed with myrrh,

he spreads around him not the odour of lawsuits, but that of peace.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS

Hail! King of Greece, we congratulate you upon the happiness you
enjoy; it is worthy of this city, worthy of the glory of Marathon.

DEMOS
Come, Agoracritus, come, my best friend; see the service you

have done me by freshening me up on your stove.
AGORACRITUS

Ah! if you but remembered what you were formerly and what you did,
you would for a certainty believe me to be a god.

DEMOS
But what did I do? and how was I then?

AGORACRITUS
Firstly, so soon as ever an orator declared in the Assembly,

"Demos, I love you ardently; it is I alone who dream of you and
watch over your interests"; at such an exordium you would look like



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