felt no actual pain, but only unutterable weariness of body and

soul, when feet and legs were numb so that I knew not whether I
trod on dry hot rock or in slime, was the fancy that I was

already dead, so far as the body was concerned--had perhaps been
dead for days--that only the unconquerable will survived to

compel the dead flesh to do its work.
Whether it really was will--more potent than the bark of barks

and wiser than the physicians--or merely the vis medicatrix with
which nature helps our weakness even when the will is suspended,

that saved me I cannot say; but it is certain that I gradually
recovered health, physical and mental, and finally reached the

coast comparatively well, although my mind was still in a gloomy,
desponding state when I first walked the streets of Georgetown,

in rags, half-starved and penniless.
But even when well, long after the discovery that my flesh was

not only alive, but that it was of an exceedingly tough quality,
the idea born during the darkest period of my pilgrimage, that

die I must, persisted in my mind. I had lived through that which
would have killed most men--lived only to accomplish the one

remaining purpose of my life. Now it was accomplished; the
sacred ashes brought so far, with such infinite labour, through

so many and such great perils, were safe and would mix with mine
at last. There was nothing more in life to make me love it or

keep me prisoner in its weary chains. This prospect of near
death faded in time; love of life returned, and the earth had

recovered its everlastingfreshness and beauty; only that feeling
about Rima's ashes did not fade or change, and is as strong now

as it was then. Say that it is morbid--call it superstition if
you like; but there it is, the most powerful motive I have known,

always in all things to be taken into account--a philosophy of
life to be made to fit it. Or take it as a symbol, since that

may come to be one with the thing symbolized. In those darkest
days in the forest I had her as a visitor--a Rima of the mind,

whose words when she spoke reflected my despair. Yet even then I
was not entirely without hope. Heaven itself, she said, could

not undo that which I had done; and she also said that if I
forgave myself, Heaven would say no word, nor would she. That is

my philosophy still: prayers, austerities, good works--they avail
nothing, and there is no intercession, and outside of the soul

there is no forgiveness in heaven or earth for sin. Nevertheless
there is a way, which every soul can find out for itself--even

the most rebellious, the most darkened with crime and tormented
by remorse. In that way I have walked; and, self-forgiven and

self-absolved, I know that if she were to return once more and
appear to me--even here where her ashes are--I know that her

divine eyes would no longer refuse to look into mine, since the
sorrow which seemed eternal and would have slain me to see would

not now be in them.
End

• actual [´æktʃuəl] a.现实的；实际的 (初中英语单词)
• weakness [´wi:knis] n.虚弱；弱点，缺点 (初中英语单词)
• physical [´fizikəl] a.物质的；有形的 (初中英语单词)
• mental [´mentl] a.精神的；心理的 (初中英语单词)
• comparatively [kəm´pærətivli] ad.比较地；比较上 (初中英语单词)
• prospect [´prɔspekt, prəs´pekt] n.景色；境界 v.勘察 (初中英语单词)
• motive [´məutiv] n.动机；主题 a.运动的 (初中英语单词)
• philosophy [fi´lɔsəfi] n.哲学；人生观 (初中英语单词)
• despair [di´speə] vi.&n.绝望 (初中英语单词)
• eternal [i´tə:nəl] a.永远的；永恒的 (初中英语单词)
• exceedingly [ik´si:diŋli] ad.非常地，极度地 (高中英语单词)
• infinite [´infinit] a.无限的，无穷的 (高中英语单词)
• everlasting [,evə´lɑ:stiŋ] a.永久的，无尽的 (高中英语单词)
• superstition [,su:pə´stiʃən, ,sju:-] n.迷信(行为) (高中英语单词)
• symbol [´simbəl] n.符号；象征 (高中英语单词)
• forgiveness [fə´givnis] n.原谅，饶恕；宽仁 (高中英语单词)
• weariness [wiərinis] n.疲倦；厌烦 (英语四级单词)
• potent [´pəutənt] a.有(势)力的；烈性的 (英语四级单词)
• pilgrimage [´pilgrimidʒ] n.朝圣；远游；人生历程 (英语四级单词)
• accomplished [ə´kʌmpliʃt] a.完成了的；熟练的 (英语四级单词)
• freshness [´freʃnis] n.新鲜 (英语四级单词)
• remorse [ri´mɔ:s] n.懊悔；自责；同情 (英语四级单词)
• rebellious [ri´beljəs] a.造反的；反叛的 (英语六级单词)