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The Magic Skin-Part13_Honore de Balzac(1799-1850)_Translated Works(翻译文学)-第2页

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esteem came to my aid; I had that intensebelief in my destiny, which



perhaps amounts to genius in those who will not permit themselves to

be distracted by contact with the world, as sheep that leave their



wool on the briars of every thicket they pass by. I meant to cover

myself with glory, and to work in silence for the mistress I hoped to



have one day. Women for me were resumed into a single type, and this

woman I looked to meet in the first that met my eyes; but in each and



all I saw a queen, and as queens must make the first advances to their

lovers, they must draw near to me--to me, so sickly, shy, and poor.



For her, who should take pity on me, my heart held in store such

gratitude over and beyond love, that I had worshiped her her whole



life long. Later, my observations have taught me bitter truths.

"In this way, dear Emile, I ran the risk of remaining companionless



for good. The incomprehensible bent of women's minds appears to lead

them to see nothing but the weak points in a clever man, and the



strong points of a fool. They feel the liveliest sympathy with the

fool's good qualities, which perpetually flatter their own defects;



while they find the man of talent hardly agreeable enough to

compensate for his shortcomings. All capacity is a sort of



intermittent fever, and no woman is anxious to share in its

discomforts only; they look to find in their lovers the wherewithal to



gratify their own vanity. It is themselves that they love in us! But

the artist, poor and proud, along with his endowment of creative



power, is furnished with an aggressive egotism! Everything about him

is involved in I know not what whirlpool of his ideas, and even his



mistress must gyrate along with them. How is a woman, spoilt with

praise, to believe in the love of a man like that? Will she go to seek



him out? That sort of lover has not the leisure to sit beside a sofa

and give himself up to the sentimental simperings that women are so



fond of, and on which the false and unfeeling pride themselves. He

cannot spare the time from his work, and how can he afford to humble



himself and go a-masquerading! I was ready to give my life once and

for all, but I could not degrade it in detail. Besides, there is



something indescribably paltry in a stockbroker's tactics, who runs on

errands for some insipid affected woman; all this disgusts an artist.



Love in the abstract is not enough for a great man in poverty; he has

need of its utmostdevotion. The frivolous creatures who spend their



lives in trying on cashmeres, or make themselves into clothes-pegs to

hang the fashions from, exact the devotion which is not theirs to



give; for them, love means the pleasure of ruling and not of obeying.

She who is really a wife, one in heart, flesh, and bone, must follow



wherever he leads, in whom her life, her strength, her pride, and

happiness are centered. Ambitious men need those Oriental women whose



whole thought is given to the study of their requirements; for

unhappiness means for them the incompatibility of their means with



their desires. But I, who took myself for a man of genius, must needs

feel attracted by these very she-coxcombs. So, as I cherished ideas so



different from those generally received; as I wished to scale the

heavens without a ladder, was possessed of wealth that could not



circulate, and of knowledge so wide and so imperfectly arranged and

digested that it overtaxed my memory; as I had neither relations nor



friends in the midst of this lonely and ghastly desert, a desert of

paving stones, full of animation, life, and thought, wherein every one



is worse than inimical, indifferent to wit; I made a very natural if

foolish resolve, which required such unknown impossibilities, that my






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