and held him
tightly to her, kissing him
passionately. I went with
Madeleine to arrange two
magnificent bouquets for the dinner-table in
honor of the young equestrian. When we returned to the salon the
countess said: "The fifteenth of October is certainly a great day with
me. Jacques has taken his first riding lesson, and I have just set the
last
stitch in my furniture cover."
"Then, Blanche," said the count, laughing, "I must pay you for it."
He offered her his arm and took her to the first
courtyard, where
stood an open
carriage which her father had sent her, and for which
the count had purchased two English horses. The old
huntsman had
prepared the surprise while Jacques was
taking his lesson. We got into
the
carriage, and went to see where the new avenue entered the main
road towards Chinon. As we returned, the
countess said to me in an
anxious tone, "I am too happy; to me happiness is like an illness,--it
overwhelms me; I fear it may
vanish like a dream."
I loved her too
passionately not to feel
jealous,--I who could give
her nothing! In my rage against myself I longed for some means of
dying for her. She asked me to tell her the thoughts that filled my
eyes, and I told her
honestly. She was more touched than by all her
presents; then
taking me to the portico, she poured comfort into my
heart. "Love me as my aunt loved me," she said, "and that will be
giving me your life; and if I take it, must I not ever be
grateful to
you?
"It was time I finished my tapestry," she added as we re-entered the
salon, where I kissed her hand as if to renew my vows. "Perhaps you do
not know, Felix, why I began so
formidable a piece of work. Men find
the occupations of life a great
resource against troubles; the
management of affairs distracts their mind; but we poor women have no
support within ourselves against our sorrows. To be able to smile
before my children and my husband when my heart was heavy I felt the
need of controlling my
inward sufferings by some
physical exercise. In
this way I escaped the
depression which is apt to follow a great
strain upon the moral strength, and
likewise all outbursts of
excitement. The mere action of lifting my arm
regularly as I drew the
stitches rocked my thoughts and gave to my spirit when the tempest
raged a
monotonous ebb and flow which seemed to
regulate its emotions.
To every
stitch I confided my secrets,--you understand me, do you not?
Well, while doing my last chair I have thought much, too much, of you,
dear friend. What you have put into your bouquets I have said in my
embroidery."
The dinner was lovely. Jacques, like all children when you take notice
of them, jumped into my arms when he saw the flowers I had arranged
for him as a
garland. His mother pretended to be
jealous; ah, Natalie,
you should have seen the
charming grace with which the dear child
offered them to her. In the afternoon we played a game of backgammon,
I alone against Monsieur and Madame de Mortsauf, and the count was
charming. They accompanied me along the road to Frapesle in the
twilight of a
tranquil evening, one of those
harmonious evenings when
our feelings gain in depth what they lose in vivacity. It was a day of
days in this poor woman's life; a spot of
brightness which often
comforted her thoughts in
painful hours.
Soon, however, the riding lessons became a subject of
contention. The
countessjustly feared the count's harsh reprimands to his son.
Jacques grew thin, dark circles surrounded his sweet blue eyes; rather
than trouble his mother, he suffered in silence. I advised him to tell
his father he was tired when the count's
temper was
violent; but that
expedient proved unavailing, and it became necessary to
substitute the
old
huntsman as a teacher in place of the father, who could with
difficulty be induced to
resign his pupil. Angry reproaches and
contentions began once more; the count found a text for his continual
complaints in the base
ingratitude of women; he flung the
carriage,
horses, and liveries in his wife's face twenty times a day. At last a
circumstance occurred on which a man with his nature and his disease
naturally fastened
eagerly. The cost of the buildings at the Cassine
and the Rhetoriere proved to be half as much again as the
estimate.