and using the most
persuasive inflexion of her voice, "this most
unfortunate accident has revealed to you a secret which has hitherto
been sedulously kept; promise me to bury the
recollection of that
scene. Do this for my sake, I beg of you. I don't ask you to swear it;
give me your word of honor and I shall be content."
"Need I give it to you?" I said. "Do we not understand each other?"
"You must not judge unfavorably of Monsieur de Mortsauf; you see the
effects of his many sufferings under the emigration," she went on.
"To-morrow he will entirely forget all that he has said and done; you
will find him kind and excellent as ever."
"Do not seek to excuse him, madame," I replied. "I will do all you
wish. I would fling myself into the Indre at this moment if I could
restore Monsieur de Mortsauf's health and ensure you a happy life. The
only thing I cannot change is my opinion. I can give you my life, but
not my convictions; I can pay no heed to what he says, but can I
hinder him from
saying it? No, in my opinion Monsieur de Mortsauf
is--"
"I understand you," she said,
hastilyinterrupting me; "you are right.
The count is as
nervous as a
fashionable woman," she added, as if to
conceal the idea of
madness by softening the word. "But he is only so
at intervals, once a year, when the weather is very hot. Ah, what
evils have resulted from the emigration! How many fine lives ruined!
He would have been, I am sure of it, a great soldier, an honor to his
country--"
"I know," I said,
interrupting in my turn to let her see that it was
useless to attempt to
deceive me.
She stopped, laid one hand
lightly on my brow, and looked at me. "Who
has sent you here," she said, "into this home? Has God sent me help, a
true friendship to support me?" She paused, then added, as she laid
her hand
firmly upon mine, "For you are good and generous--" She
raised her eyes to heaven, as if to
invoke some
invisibletestimony to
confirm her thought, and then let them rest upon me. Electrified by
the look, which cast a soul into my soul, I was
guilty, judging by
social laws, of a want of tact, though in certain natures such
indelicacy really means a brave desire to meet danger, to avert a
blow, to
arrest an evil before it happens; oftener still, an abrupt
call upon a heart, a blow given to learn if it resounds in
unison with
ours. Many thoughts rose like gleams within my mind and bade me wash
out the stain that blotted my
conscience at this moment when I was
seeking a complete understanding.
"Before we say more," I said in a voice
shaken by the throbbings of my
heart, which could be heard in the deep silence that surrounded us,
"suffer me to
purify one memory of the past."
"Hush!" she said quickly,
touching my lips with a finger which she
instantly removed. She looked at me
haughtily, with the glance of a
woman who knows herself too exalted for
insult to reach her. "Be
silent; I know of what you are about to speak,--the first, the last,
the only
outrage ever offered to me. Never speak to me of that ball.
If as a Christian I have
forgiven you, as a woman I still suffer from
your act."
"You are more
pitiless than God himself," I said, forcing back the
tears that came into my eyes.
"I ought to be so, I am more feeble," she replied.
"But," I continued with the persistence of a child, "listen to me now
if only for the first, the last, the only time in your life."
"Speak, then," she said; "speak, or you will think I dare not hear
you."
Feeling that this was the turning moment of our lives, I spoke to her
in the tone that commands attention; I told her that all women whom I
had ever seen were nothing to me; but when I met her, I, whose life
was studious, whose nature was not bold, I had been, as it were,
possessed by a
frenzy that no one who once felt it could
condemn; that
never heart of man had been so filled with the
passion which no being
can
resist, which conquers all things, even death--
"And contempt?" she asked, stopping me.
"Did you
despise me?" I exclaimed.
"Let us say no more on this subject," she replied.
"No, let me say all!" I replied, in the
excitement of my
intolerablepain. "It concerns my life, my whole being, my
inward self; it
contains a secret you must know or I must die in
despair. It also