loudly enough already. A woman had placed a
generous confidence in me.
I had lied to her from the first; I had told her that I loved her, and
then I had cast her off; I had brought all this sorrow upon an unhappy
girl who had braved the opinion of the world for me, and who therefore
should have been
sacred in my eyes. She had died forgiving me. Her
implicit trust in the word of a man who had once before broken his
promise to her effaced the memory of all her pain and grief, and she
slept in peace. Agatha, who had given me her girlish faith, had found
in her heart another faith to give me--the faith of a mother. Oh! sir,
the child, HER child! God alone can know all that he was to me! The
dear little one was like his mother; he had her
winning grace in his
little ways, his talk and ideas; but for me, my child was not only a
child, but something more; was he not the token of my
forgiveness, my
honor?
"He should have more than a father's
affection. He should be loved as
his mother would have loved him. My
remorse might change to happiness
if I could only make him feel that his mother's arms were still about
him. I clung to him with all the force of human love and the hope of
heaven, with all the
tenderness in my heart that God has given to
mothers. The sound of the child's voice made me tremble. I used to
watch him while he slept with a sense of
gladness that was always new,
albeit a tear sometimes fell on his
forehead; I taught him to come to
say his prayer upon my bed as soon as he awoke. How sweet and touching
were the simple words of the Pater noster in the
innocent childish
mouth! Ah! and at times how terrible! 'OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN
HEAVEN,' he began one morning; then he paused--'Why is it not OUR
MOTHER?' he asked, and my heart sank at his words.
"From the very first I had sown the seeds of future
misfortune in the
life of the son whom I idolized. Although the law has almost
countenanced errors of youth by conceding to tardy regret a legal
status to natural children, the insurmountable prejudices of society
bring a strong force to the support of the
reluctance of the law. All
serious
reflection on my part as to the foundations and
mechanism of
society, on the duties of man, and vital questions of
morality date
from this period of my life. Genius comprehends at first sight the
connection between a man's principles and the fate of the society of
which he forms a part;
devout souls are inspired by religion with the
sentiments necessary for their happiness; but
vehement and impulsive
natures can only be schooled by
repentance. With
repentance came new
light for me; and I, who only lived for my child, came through that
child to think over great social questions.
"I determined from the first that he should have all possible means of
success within himself, and that he should be
thoroughly prepared to
take the high position for which I destined him. He
learned English,
German, Italian, and Spanish in
succession; and, that he might speak
these languages
correctly, tutors belonging to each of these various
nationalities were successively placed about him from his earliest
childhood. His aptitude
delighted me. I took
advantage of it to give
him lessons in the guise of play. I wished to keep his mind free from
fallacies, and
strove before all things to
accustom him from childhood
to exert his
intellectual powers, to make a rapid and
accurate general
survey of a matter, and then, by a careful study of every least
particular, to master his subject in detail. Lastly, I taught him to
submit to
discipline without murmuring. I never allowed an impure or
improper word to be
spoken in his
hearing. I was careful that all his
surroundings, and the men with whom he came in
contact, should conduce
to one end--to
ennoble his nature, to set lofty ideals before him, to
give him a love of truth and a
horror of lies, to make him simple and