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The Country Doctor-Part33_Honore de Balzac(1799-1850)_Translated Works(翻译文学)-第2页

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loudly enough already. A woman had placed a generous confidence in me.

I had lied to her from the first; I had told her that I loved her, and



then I had cast her off; I had brought all this sorrow upon an unhappy

girl who had braved the opinion of the world for me, and who therefore



should have been sacred in my eyes. She had died forgiving me. Her

implicit trust in the word of a man who had once before broken his



promise to her effaced the memory of all her pain and grief, and she

slept in peace. Agatha, who had given me her girlish faith, had found



in her heart another faith to give me--the faith of a mother. Oh! sir,

the child, HER child! God alone can know all that he was to me! The



dear little one was like his mother; he had her winning grace in his

little ways, his talk and ideas; but for me, my child was not only a



child, but something more; was he not the token of my forgiveness, my

honor?



"He should have more than a father's affection. He should be loved as

his mother would have loved him. My remorse might change to happiness



if I could only make him feel that his mother's arms were still about

him. I clung to him with all the force of human love and the hope of



heaven, with all the tenderness in my heart that God has given to

mothers. The sound of the child's voice made me tremble. I used to



watch him while he slept with a sense of gladness that was always new,

albeit a tear sometimes fell on his forehead; I taught him to come to



say his prayer upon my bed as soon as he awoke. How sweet and touching

were the simple words of the Pater noster in the innocent childish



mouth! Ah! and at times how terrible! 'OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN

HEAVEN,' he began one morning; then he paused--'Why is it not OUR



MOTHER?' he asked, and my heart sank at his words.

"From the very first I had sown the seeds of future misfortune in the



life of the son whom I idolized. Although the law has almost

countenanced errors of youth by conceding to tardy regret a legal



status to natural children, the insurmountable prejudices of society

bring a strong force to the support of the reluctance of the law. All



serious reflection on my part as to the foundations and mechanism of

society, on the duties of man, and vital questions of morality date



from this period of my life. Genius comprehends at first sight the

connection between a man's principles and the fate of the society of



which he forms a part; devout souls are inspired by religion with the

sentiments necessary for their happiness; but vehement and impulsive



natures can only be schooled by repentance. With repentance came new

light for me; and I, who only lived for my child, came through that



child to think over great social questions.

"I determined from the first that he should have all possible means of



success within himself, and that he should be thoroughly prepared to

take the high position for which I destined him. He learned English,



German, Italian, and Spanish in succession; and, that he might speak

these languages correctly, tutors belonging to each of these various



nationalities were successively placed about him from his earliest

childhood. His aptitude delighted me. I took advantage of it to give



him lessons in the guise of play. I wished to keep his mind free from

fallacies, and strove before all things to accustom him from childhood



to exert his intellectual powers, to make a rapid and accurate general

survey of a matter, and then, by a careful study of every least



particular, to master his subject in detail. Lastly, I taught him to

submit to discipline without murmuring. I never allowed an impure or



improper word to be spoken in his hearing. I was careful that all his

surroundings, and the men with whom he came in contact, should conduce



to one end--to ennoble his nature, to set lofty ideals before him, to

give him a love of truth and a horror of lies, to make him simple and






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