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his or her knowledge or consent. The engagement is considered by all parties

as a solemncompact. On the wedding day, in nine cases out of ten,



the bride and bridegroom meet each other for the first time,

and yet they live contentedly, and quite often even happily together.



Divorces in China are exceedingly rare. This is accounted for

by the fact that through the wise control of their parents



the children are properly mated. In saying this I do not wish to be supposed

to be advocating the introduction of the Chinese system into America.



I would, however, point out that the independent and thoughtless way

in which the American young people take on themselves the marriage vow



does not as a rule result in suitablecompanionships.

When a girl falls in love with a young man she is unable to perceive



his shortcomings and vices, and when, after living together for a few months,

she begins to find them out, it is alas too late. If, previous to



her engagement, she had taken her mother into her confidence,

and asked her to use her good offices to find out the character



of the young man whom she favored, a fatal and unhappy mistake

might have been avoided. Without interfering, in the least,



with the liberty or free choice, I should think it would be a good policy

if all young Americans, before definitely committing themselves



to a promise of marriage, would at least consult their mothers,

and ask them to make private and confidential inquiries as to the disposition,



as well as to the moral and physicalfitness of the young man or lady

whom they contemplate marrying. Mothers are naturally concerned



about the welfare and happiness of their offspring, and could be trusted

in most cases to make careful, impartial and conscientious inquiries



as to whether the girl or man was really a worthy and suitable life partner

for their children. If this step were generally taken



many an unfortunate union would be avoided. It was after this fashion

that I reasoned with the young people mentioned above,



but they did not agree with me, and I had to conclude that love is blind.

Before leaving this subject I would add that the system of marriage



which has been in vogue in China for so many centuries has been

somewhat changed within the last few years. This is due to the new spirit



which has been gradually growing. Young people begin to exert their rights,

and will not allow parents to choose their life partners



without their consent. Instances of girls choosing their own husbands

have come to my knowledge, and they did not occur during leap-year.



But I sincerely hope that our Chinese youth will not go to the same lengths

as the young people of America.



The manner in which a son treats his parents in the United States

is diametrically opposed to our Chinese doctrine, handed down to us



from time immemorial. "Honor thy father and thy mother"

is an injunction of Moses which all Christians profess to observe,



but which, or so it appears to a Confucianist, all equally forget.

The Confucian creed lays it down as the essential duty of children



that they shall not only honor and obey their fathers and their mothers,

but that they are in duty bound to support them. The reason is that



as their parents brought them into the world, reared and educated them,

the children should make them some return for their trouble and care.



The view of this question which is taken in America seems to be

very strange to me. Once I heard a young American argue in this way.



He said, gravely and seriously, that as he was brought into this world

by his parents without his consent, it was their duty to rear him



in a proper way, but that it was no part of his duty to support them.

I was very much astounded at this statement. In China such a son



would be despised, and if he neglected to maintain his parents he would

be punished. I do not believe that the extreme views of this young man



are universally accepted in America, but I am inclined to think

that the duties of children toward their parents are somewhat ill-defined.



American parents do not apparently expect their children to support them,

because, as a rule they are, if not rich, at least in



comfortable circumstances; and even if they are not, they would rather




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