with
filial piety, a father's eyes, they are chased from the paternal
roof, to make room for the first-born, the son, who is to carry
the empty family-name down to
posterity; though, occupied with
his own pleasures, he scarcely thought of discharging, in the
decline of his parent's life, the debt
contracted in his childhood.
My mother's conduct led me to make these reflections. Great as
was the
fatigue I
endured, and the
affection my unceasing solicitude
evinced, of which my mother seemed
perfectlysensible, still, when
my brother, whom I could hardly
persuade to remain a quarter of an
hour in her
chamber, was with her alone, a short time before
her death, she gave him a little hoard, which she had been
some years accumulating.
"During my mother's
illness, I was obliged to manage my father's
temper, who, from the lingering nature of her
malady, began to
imagine that it was merely fancy. At this period, an artful kind
of upper servant attracted my father's attention, and the neighbours
made many remarks on the finery, not
honestly got, exhibited at
evening service. But I was too much occupied with my mother to
observe any change in her dress or behaviour, or to listen to
the
whisper of scandal.
"I shall not dwell on the death-bed scene,
lively as is the
remembrance, or on the
emotion produced by the last grasp of my
mother's cold hand; when
blessing me, she added, 'A little patience,
and all will be over!' Ah! my child, how often have those words
rung mournfully in my ears--and I have exclaimed--'A little more
patience, and I too shall be at rest!'
"My father was
violently
affected by her death, recollected
instances of his unkindness, and wept like a child.
"My mother had
solemnly recommended my sisters to my care,
and bid me be a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to
me as they became more
forlorn; for, during my mother's
illness,
I discovered the ruined state of my father's circumstances, and
that he had only been able to keep up appearances, by the sums
which he borrowed of my uncle.
"My father's grief, and
consequenttenderness to his children,
quickly abated, the house grew still more
gloomy or riotous; and
my
refuge from care was again at Mr. V
enables'; the young 'squire
having taken his father's place, and allowing, for the present,
his sister to
preside at his table. George, though dissatisfied
with his
portion of the fortune, which had till
lately been all in
trade, visited the family as usual. He was now full of speculations
in trade, and his brow became clouded by care. He seemed to relax
in his attention to me, when the presence of my uncle gave a new
turn to his behaviour. I was too un
suspecting, too disinterested,
to trace these changes to their source.
My home every day became more and more
disagreeable to me; my
liberty was unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext
that they made me idle, taken from me. My father's
mistress was
with child, and he, doating on her, allowed or overlooked her
vulgarmanner of tyrannizing over us. I was
indignant, especially when I
saw her endeavouring to attract, shall I say seduce? my younger
brother. By allowing women but one way of rising in the world,
the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes monsters of
them, and then their
ignoble vices are brought forward as a proof
of inferiority of intellect.
The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described.
Though my life had not passed in the most even tenour with my
mother, it was
paradise to that I was destined to
endure with my
father's
mistress,
jealous of her illegitimate authority. My
father's former
occasionaltenderness, in spite of his
violence of
temper, had been soothing to me; but now he only met me with reproofs
or portentous frowns. The house-keeper, as she was now termed,
was the
vulgardespot of the family; and assuming the new character
of a fine lady, she could never
forgive the
contempt which was