my
narrative, my dear girl, you may gather the
instruction, the
counsel, which is meant rather to exercise than influence your
mind.--Death may
snatch me from you, before you can weigh my advice,
or enter into my
reasoning: I would then, with fond
anxiety, lead
you very early in life to form your grand principle of action, to
save you from the vain regret of having, through irresolution, let
the spring-tide of
existence pass away, unimproved, unenjoyed.--
Gain experience--ah! gain it--while experience is worth having,
and
acquire sufficient
fortitude to
pursue your own happiness;
it includes your
utility, by a direct path. What is
wisdom too often,
but the owl of the
goddess, who sits moping in a desolated heart;
around me she shrieks, but I would invite all the gay warblers of
spring to
nestle in your
blooming bosom.--Had I not wasted years
in deliberating, after I ceased to doubt, how I ought to have
acted--I might now be useful and happy.--For my sake, warned by my
example, always appear what you are, and you will not pass through
existence without enjoying its
genuine blessings, love and respect.
"Born in one of the most
romantic parts of England, an
enthusiastic
fondness for the varying charms of nature is the first
sentiment I
recollect; or rather it was the first
consciousness of
pleasure that employed and formed my imagination.
"My father had been a captain of a man of war; but, disgusted
with the service, on
account of the preferment of men whose chief
merit was their family connections or
borough interest, he retired
into the country; and, not
knowing what to do with himself--married.
In his family, to
regain his lost
consequence, he determined to
keep up the same
passiveobedience, as in the vessels in which he
had commanded. His orders were not to be disputed; and the whole
house was expected to fly, at the word of command, as if to man
the shrouds, or mount aloft in an elemental
strife, big with life
or death. He was to be
instantaneously obeyed, especially by my
mother, whom he very benevolently married for love; but took care
to
remind her of the
obligation, when she dared, in the slightest
instance, to question his
absolute authority. My
eldest brother,
it is true, as he grew up, was treated with more respect by my
father; and became in due form the deputy-tyrant of the house.
The representative of my father, a being
privileged by nature--a
boy, and the
darling of my mother, he did not fail to act like an
heir
apparent. Such indeed was my mother's
extravagant partiality,
that, in
comparison with her
affection for him, she might be said
not to love the rest of her children. Yet none of the children
seemed to have so little
affection for her. Extreme indulgence
had rendered him so
selfish, that he only thought of himself; and
from tormenting insects and animals, he became the
despot of his
brothers, and still more of his sisters.
"It is perhaps difficult to give you an idea of the petty
cares which obscured the morning of my life;
continual restraint
in the most
trivial matters; unconditional
submission to orders,
which, as a mere child, I soon discovered to be unreasonable,
because
inconsistent and contradictory. Thus are we destined to