would pass--and nobody would know. Never! Not till death--not
after . . .
"Never!" he said aloud to the revealing night.
And he hesitated. The secret of hearts, too terrible for the timid
eyes of men, shall return, veiled forever, to the Inscrutable Creator
of good and evil, to the Master of doubts and impulses. His
consciencewas born--he heard its voice, and he hesitated, ignoring the strength
within, the fateful power, the secret of his heart! It was an awful
sacrifice to cast all one's life into the flame of a new
belief. He
wanted help against himself, against the cruel
decree of salvation.
The need of tacit complicity, where it had never failed him, the habit
of years affirmed itself. Perhaps she would help . . . He flung the
door open and rushed in like a fugitive.
He was in the middle of the room before he could see anything but the
dazzling
brilliance of the light; and then, as if detached and
floating in it on the level of his eyes, appeared the head of a woman.
She had jumped up when he burst into the room.
For a moment they contemplated each other as if struck dumb with
amazement. Her hair streaming on her shoulders glinted like burnished
gold. He looked into the unfathomable
candour of her eyes. Nothing
within--nothing--nothing.
He stammered distractedly.
"I want . . . I want . . . to . . . to . . . know . . ."
On the candid light of the eyes flitted shadows; shadows of doubt, of
suspicion, the ready
suspicion of an unquenchable antagonism, the
pitiless
mistrust of an
eternalinstinct of defence; the hate, the
profound, frightened hate of an incomprehensible--of an abominable
emotion intruding its
coarse materialism upon the
spiritual and tragic
contest of her feelings.
"Alvan . . . I won't bear this . . ." She began to pant suddenly,
"I've a right--a right to--to--myself . . ."
He lifted one arm, and appeared so menacing that she stopped in a
fright and
shrank back a little.
He stood with uplifted hand . . . The years would pass--and he would
have to live with that unfathomable
candour where flit shadows of
suspicions and hate . . . The years would pass--and he would never
know--never trust . . . The years would pass without faith and
love. . . .
"Can you stand it?" he shouted, as though she could have heard all his
thoughts.
He looked menacing. She thought of
violence, of danger--and, just for
an
instant, she doubted whether there were splendours enough on earth
to pay the price of such a
brutal experience. He cried again:
"Can you stand it?" and glared as if
insane. Her eyes blazed, too. She
could not hear the
appalling clamour of his thoughts. She
suspected in
him a sudden regret, a fresh fit of
jealousy, a
dishonest desire of
evasion. She shouted back angrily--
"Yes!"
He was
shaken where he stood as if by a struggle to break out of
invisible bonds. She trembled from head to foot.
"Well, I can't!" He flung both his arms out, as if to push her away,
and
strode from the room. The door swung to with a click. She made
three quick steps towards it and stood still, looking at the white and
gold panels. No sound came from beyond, not a
whisper, not a sigh; not
even a
footstep was heard outside on the thick
carpet. It was as
though no sooner gone he had suddenly expired--as though he had died
there and his body had vanished on the
instant together with his soul.
She listened, with parted lips and irresolute eyes. Then below, far
below her, as if in the entrails of the earth, a door slammed heavily;
and the quiet house vibrated to it from roof to foundations, more than
to a clap of thunder.
He never returned.
THE LAGOON
The white man, leaning with both arms over the roof of the little
house in the stern of the boat, said to the steersman--
"We will pass the night in Arsat's
clearing. It is late."