the
schoolroom the
previous night, I had uttered, on the subject
of the
interval just concluded, neither
challenge nor hint.
I had too much, from this moment, my other ideas.
Yet when he at last arrived, the difficulty of applying them,
the accumulations of my problem, were brought straight home to me
by the beautiful little presence on which what had occurred
had as yet, for the eye, dropped neither stain nor shadow.
To mark, for the house, the high state I
cultivated I
decreed that my meals with the boy should be served,
as we called it,
downstairs; so that I had been awaiting
him in the
ponderous pomp of the room outside of the window
of which I had had from Mrs. Grose, that first scared Sunday,
my flash of something it would
scarce have done to call light.
Here at present I felt afresh--for I had felt it again and again--
how my
equilibrium depended on the success of my rigid will,
the will to shut my eyes as tight as possible to the truth
that what I had to deal with was, revoltingly, against nature.
I could only get on at all by
taking "nature" into my
confidence and my
account, by treating my monstrous
ordeal as a push in a direction
unusual, of course,
and
unpleasant, but demanding, after all, for a fair front,
only another turn of the screw of ordinary human virtue.
No attempt, nonetheless, could well require more tact than
just this attempt to supply, one's self, ALL the nature.
How could I put even a little of that article into a suppression
of
reference to what had occurred? How, on the other hand, could I
make
reference without a new
plunge into the
hideous obscure?
Well, a sort of answer, after a time, had come to me, and it
was so far confirmed as that I was met, incontestably, by the
quickened
vision of what was rare in my little companion.
It was indeed as if he had found even now--as he had so often
found at lessons--still some other
delicate way to ease me off.
Wasn't there light in the fact which, as we shared our solitude,
broke out with a specious
glitter it had never yet quite worn?--
the fact that (opportunity aiding, precious opportunity which had
now come) it would be
preposterous, with a child so endowed,
to forego the help one might wrest from
absoluteintelligence?
What had his
intelligence been given him for but to save him?
Mightn't one, to reach his mind, risk the stretch of an angular
arm over his
character? It was as if, when we were face
to face in the dining room, he had
literally shown me the way.
The roast
mutton was on the table, and I had dispensed
with attendance. Miles, before he sat down, stood a moment
with his hands in his pockets and looked at the joint,
on which he seemed on the point of passing some
humorous judgment.
But what he
presently produced was: "I say, my dear, is she
really very
awfully ill?"
"Little Flora? Not so bad but that she'll
presently be better.
London will set her up. Bly had ceased to agree with her.
Come here and take your
mutton."
He alertly obeyed me, carried the plate carefully
to his seat, and, when he was established, went on.
"Did Bly
disagree with her so
terribly suddenly?"
"Not so suddenly as you might think. One had seen it coming on."
"Then why didn't you get her off before?"
"Before what?"
"Before she became too ill to travel."
I found myself
prompt. "She's NOT too ill to travel:
she only might have become so if she had stayed.
This was just the moment to seize. The journey will dissipate
the influence"--oh, I was grand!--"and carry it off."
"I see, I see"--Miles, for that matter, was grand, too. He settled
to his
repast with the
charming little "table manner" that, from the day
of his
arrival, had relieved me of all grossness of admonition.
Whatever he had been
driven from school for, it was not for ugly feeding.
He was irreproachable, as always, today; but he was unmistakably
more
conscious. He was discernibly
trying to take for granted
more things than he found, without
assistance, quite easy;
and he dropped into
peaceful silence while he felt his situation.