When the strange idea flashed across her that his words had reference
to himself, she was
incredulous, and
ashamed of entertaining it.
She had never thought that any man could love her except Fred,
who had espoused her with the
umbrella ring, when she wore socks
and little strapped shoes; still less that she could be of any
importance to Mr. Farebrother, the cleverest man in her narrow circle.
She had only time to feel that all this was hazy and perhaps illusory;
but one thing was clear and determined--her answer.
"Since you think it my duty, Mr. Farebrother, I will tell you
that I have too strong a feeling for Fred to give him up for any
one else. I should never be quite happy if I thought he was
unhappy for the loss of me. It has taken such deep root in me--
my
gratitude to him for always
loving me best, and minding so much
if I hurt myself, from the time when we were very little. I cannot
imagine any new feeling coming to make that weaker. I should like
better than anything to see him
worthy of every one's respect.
But please tell him I will not promise to marry him till then:
I should shame and
grieve my father and mother. He is free to choose
some one else."
"Then I have fulfilled my com
missionthoroughly,"
said Mr. Farebrother, putting out his hand to Mary,
"and I shall ride back to Middlemarch
forthwith. With this
prospect before him, we shall get Fred into the right niche
somehow, and I hope I shall live to join your hands. God bless you!"
"Oh, please stay, and let me give you some tea," said Mary.
Her eyes filled with tears, for something indefinable, something like
the
resolute suppression of a pain in Mr. Farebrother's manner,
made her feel suddenly
miserable, as she had once felt when she saw
her father's hands trembling in a moment of trouble.
"No, my dear, no. I must get back."
In three minutes the Vicar was on
horseback again, having gone
magnanimously through a duty much harder than the renunciation
of whist, or even than the
writing of penitential meditations.
CHAPTER LIII.
It is but a
shallow haste which concludeth in
sincerity from what
outsiders call inconsistency--putting a dead
mechanism of "ifs"
and "therefores" for the living
myriad of
hidden suckers whereby
the
belief and the conduct are
wrought into
mutual sustainment.
Mr. Bulstrode, when he was hoping to
acquire a new interest in Lowick,
had naturally had an
especial wish that the new
clergyman should be one
whom he
thoroughly approved; and he believed it to be a chastisement
and admonition directed to his own shortcomings and those of the nation
at large, that just about the time when he came in possession of the
deeds which made him the
proprietor of Stone Court, Mr. Farebrother
"read himself" into the
quaint little church and preached his first
sermon to the
congregation of farmers, laborers, and village artisans.
It was not that Mr. Bulstrode intended to
frequent Lowick Church
or to
reside at Stone Court for a good while to come: he had
bought the excellent farm and fine
homestead simply as a retreat
which he might gradually
enlarge as to the land and
beautify as
to the
dwelling, until it should be conducive to the
divine glory
that he should enter on it as a
residence,
partially withdrawing
from his present exertions in the
administration of business,
and throwing more conspicuously on the side of Gospel truth the weight
of local landed
proprietorship, which Providence might increase by
unforeseen occasions of purchase. A strong leading in this direction
seemed to have been given in the
surprisingfacility of getting
Stone Court, when every one had expected that Mr. Rigg Featherstone
would have clung to it as the Garden of Eden. That was what poor
old Peter himself had expected; having often, in imagination,
looked up through the sods above him, and, unobstructed by.
perspective, seen his frog-faced legatee enjoying the fine
old place to the
perpetual surprise and
disappointment of other survivors.
But how little we know what would make
paradise for our neighbors!
We judge from our own desires, and our neighbors themselves
are not always open enough even to throw out a hint of theirs.
The cool and
judicious Joshua Rigg had not allowed his parent
to
perceive that Stone Court was anything less than the chief good