Father Sergius

by Leo Tolstoy
Translated by Louise and Aylmer Maude

I
In Petersburg in the eighteen-forties a surprising event

occurred. An officer of the Cuirassier Life Guards, a handsome
prince who everyone predicted would become aide-de-camp to the

Emperor Nicholas I and have a brilliantcareer, left the service,
broke off his engagement to a beautiful maid of honour, a

favourite of the Empress's, gave his small estate to his sister,
and retired to a monastery to become a monk.

This event appeared extraordinary and inexplicable to those who
did not know his inner motives, but for Prince Stepan Kasatsky

himself it all occurred so naturally that he could not imagine
how he could have acted otherwise.

His father, a retiredcolonel of the Guards, had died when Stepan
was twelve, and sorry as his mother was to part from her son, she

entered him at the Military College as her deceased husband had
intended.

The widow herself, with her daughter, Varvara, moved to
Petersburg to be near her son and have him with her for the

holidays.
The boy was distinguished both by his brilliantability and by

his immense self-esteem. He was first both in his
studies--especially in mathematics, of which he was particularly

fond--and also in drill and in riding. Though of more than
average height, he was handsome and agile, and he would have been

an altogether exemplary cadet had it not been for his quick
temper. He was remarkablytruthful, and was neither dissipated

nor addicted to drink. The only faults that marred his conduct
were fits of fury to which he was subject and during which he

lost control of himself and became like a wild animal. He once
nearly threw out of the window another cadet who had begun to

tease him about his collection of minerals. On another occasion
he came almost completely to grief by flinging a whole dish of

cutlets at an officer who was acting as steward, attacking him
and, it was said, striking him for having broken his word and

told a barefaced lie. He would certainly have been reduced to
the ranks had not the Director of the College hushed up the whole

matter and dismissed the steward.
By the time he was eighteen he had finished his College course

and received a commission as lieutenant in an aristocratic
regiment of the Guards.

The Emperor Nicholas Pavlovich (Nicholas I) had noticed him while
he was still at the College, and continued to take notice of him

in the regiment, and it was on this account that people predicted
for him an appointment as aide-de-camp to the Emperor. Kasatsky

himself strongly desired it, not from ambition only but chiefly
because since his cadet days he had been passionately" target="_blank" title="ad.多情地；热烈地">passionatelydevoted to

Nicholas Pavlovich. The Emperor had often visited the Military
College and every time Kasatsky saw that tall erect figure, with

breast expanded in its military overcoat, entering with brisk
step, saw the cropped side-whiskers, the moustache, the aquiline

nose, and heard the sonorous voice exchanging greetings with the
cadets, he was seized by the same rapture that he experienced

later on when he met the woman he loved. Indeed, his passionate
adoration of the Emperor was even stronger: he wished to

sacrifice something--everything, even himself--to prove his
complete devotion. And the Emperor Nicholas was conscious of

evoking this rapture and deliberately aroused it. He played with
the cadets, surrounded himself with them, treating them sometimes

with childishsimplicity, sometimes as a friend, and then again
with majesticsolemnity. After that affair with the officer,

Nicholas Pavlovich said nothing to Kasatsky, but when the latter
approached he waved him away theatrically, frowned, shook his

finger at him, and afterwards when leaving, said: 'Remember that
I know everything. There are some things I would rather not

know, but they remain here,' and he pointed to his heart.
When on leaving College the cadets were received by the Emperor,

he did not again refer to Kasatsky's offence, but told them all,
as was his custom, that they should serve him and the fatherland

loyally, that he would always be their best friend, and that when
necessary they might approach him direct. All the cadets were as

usual greatly moved, and Kasatsky even shed tears, remembering
the past, and vowed that he would serve his beloved Tsar with all

his soul.
When Kasatsky took up his commission his mother moved with her

daughter first to Moscow and then to their country estate.
Kasatsky gave half his property to his sister and kept only

enough to maintain himself in the expensiveregiment he had
joined.

To all appearance he was just an ordinary, brilliant young
officer of the Guards making a career for himself; but intense

and complex strivings went on within him. From early childhood
his efforts had seemed to be very varied, but essentially they

were all one and the same. He tried in everything he took up to
attain such success and perfection as would evoke praise and

surprise. Whether it was his studies or his military exercises,
he took them up and worked at them till he was praised and held

up as an example to others. Mastering one subject he took up
another, and obtained first place in his studies. For example,

while still at College he noticed in himself an awkwardness in
French conversation, and contrived to master French till he spoke

it as well as Russian, and then he took up chess and became an
excellent player.

Apart from his main vocation, which was the service of his Tsar
and the fatherland, he always set himself some particular aim,

and however unimportant it was, devoted himself completely to it
and lived for it until it was accomplished. And as soon as it

was attained another aim would immediately present itself,
replacing its predecessor. This passion for distinguishing

himself, or for accomplishing something in order to distinguish
himself, filled his life. On taking up his commission he set

himself to acquire the utmostperfection in knowledge of the
service, and very soon became a model officer, though still with

the same fault of ungovernable irascibility, which here in the
service again led him to commit actions inimical to his success.

Then he took to reading, having once in conversation in society
felt himself deficient in general education--and again achieved

his purpose. Then, wishing to secure a brilliant position in
high society, he learnt to dance excellently and very soon was

invited to all the balls in the best circles, and to some of
their evening gatherings. But this did not satisfy him: he was

accustomed to being first, and in this society was far from being
so.

The highest society then consisted, and I think always consist,
of four sorts of people: rich people who are received at Court,

people not wealthy but born and brought up in Court circles, rich
people who ingratiate themselves into the Court set, and people

neither rich nor belonging to the Court but who ingratiate
themselves into the first and second sets.

Kasatsky did not belong to the first two sets, but was readily
welcomed in the others. On entering society he determined to

have relations with some society lady, and to his own surprise
quickly accomplished this purpose. He soon realized, however,

that the circles in which he moved were not the highest, and that
though he was received in the highest spheres he did not belong

to them. They were polite to him, but showed by their whole
manner that they had their own set and that he was not of it.

And Kasatsky wished to belong to that inner circle. To attain
that end it would be necessary to be an aide-de-camp to the

Emperor--which he expected to become--or to marry into that
exclusive set, which he resolved to do. And his choice fell on a

beauty belonging to the Court, who not merely belonged to the
circle into which he wished to be accepted, but whose friendship