alone? Dear Demos, do you see this stewed hare which I bring you?
CLEON
Ah! rascal! you have shamelessly robbed me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
You have robbed too, you robbed the Laconians at Pylos.
DEMOS
Please tell me, how did you get the idea to filch it from him?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
The idea comes from the
goddess; the theft is all my own.
CLEON
And I had taken such trouble to catch this hare and I was the
one who had it cooked.
DEMOS (to CLEON)
Get you gone! My thanks are only for him who served it.
CLEON
Ah! wretch! you have
beaten me in impudence!
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Well then, Demos, say now, who has treated you best, you and
your
stomach? Decide!
DEMOS
How shall I act here so that the spectators shall
approve my
judgment?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
I will tell you. Without
saying anything, go and rummage through
my basket, and then through the Paphlagonian's, and see what is in
them; that's the best way to judge.
DEMOS
Let us see then, what is there in yours?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Why, it's empty, dear little father; I have brought everything
to you.
DEMOS
This is a basket
devoted to the people.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Now hunt through the Paphlagonian's. (Pause, as Demos does so)
Well?
DEMOS
Oh! what a lot of good things! Why it's quite full! Oh! what a
huge great part of this cake he kept for himself! He had only cut
off the least little tiny piece for me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
But this is what he has always done. Of everything he took, he
only gave you the crumbs, and kept the bulk.
DEMOS (to CLEON)
Oh! rascal! was this the way you robbed me? And I was loading
you with chaplets and gifts!
CLEON
I robbed for the public weal.
DEMOS (to CLEON)
Give me back that crown; I shall give it to him.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Return it quick, quick, you gallows-bird.
CLEON
No, for the Pythian
oracle has revealed to me the name of him
who shall
overthrow me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
And that name was mine, nothing can be clearer.
CLEON
Reply and I shall soon see whether you are indeed the man whom the
god intended. Firstly, what school did you attend when a child?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
It was in the kitchens, where I was taught with cuffs and blows.
CLEON
What's that you say? (aside) Ah! this is truly what the
oraclesaid.
(To the SAUSAGE-SELLER) And what did you learn from the master of
exercises?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
I
learnt to take a false oath without a smile, when I had stolen
something.
CLEON (frightened; aside)
Oh! Phoebus Apollo, god of Lycia! I am undone! (To the
SAUSAGE-SELLER) And when you had become a man, what trade did you
follow?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
I sold sausages and did a bit of fornication.
CLEON (in
consternation; aside)
Oh! my god! I am a lost man! Ah! still one
slender hope remains.
(to the SAUSAGE-SELLER) Tell me, was it on the market-place or near
the gates that you sold your sausages?
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Near the gates, in the market for salted goods.
CLEON (in
tragic despair)
Alas! I see the
prophecy of the god is
verily come true. Alas!
roll me home. I am a
miserable ruined man. Farewell, my chaplet.
'Tis death to me to part with you. So you are to belong to another;
'tis certain he cannot be a greater thief, but perhaps he may be a
luckier one.
(He gives the chaplet to the SAUSAGE-SELLER.)
SAUSAGE-SELLER
Oh! Zeus,
protector of Greece! 'tis to you I owe this victory!
DEMOSTHENES
Hail!
illustriousconqueror, but forget not, that if you have
become a great man, 'tis thanks to me; I ask but a little thing;
appoint me secretary of the law-court in the room of Phanus.
DEMOS (to the SAUSAGE-SELLER)
But what is your name then? Tell me.
SAUSAGE-SELLER
My name is Agoracritus, because I have always lived on the
marketplace in the midst of lawsuits.
DEMOS
Well then, Agoracritus, I stand by you; as for the Paphlagonian, I
hand him over to your mercy.
AGORACRITUS
Demos, I will care for you to the best of my power, and all
shall admit that no citizen is more
devoted than I to this city of
simpletons.
(They all enter the house of DEMOS.)
CHORUS (singing)
What fitter theme for our Muse, at the close as at the beginning
of our work, than this, to sing the hero who drives his swift steeds
down the arena? Why
afflict Lysistratus with our satires on his
poverty, and Thumantis, who has not so much as a
lodging? He is
dying of
hunger and can be seen at Delphi, his face bathed in tears,
clinging to your
quiver, oh, Apollo and supplicating you to take him
out of his misery.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
An
insult directed at the
wicked is not to be censured; on the
contrary, the honest man, if he has sense, can only
applaud. Him, whom
I wish to brand with infamy, is little known himself; he's the brother
of Arignotus. I regret to quote this name which is so dear to me,
but
whoever can
distinguish black from white, or the Orthian mode of
music from others, knows the virtues of Arignotus, whom his brother,
Ariphrades, in no way resembles. He gloats in vice, is not merely a
dissolute man and utterly debauched-but he has
actually invented a new
form of vice; for he pollutes his tongue with
abominable pleasures
in brothels, befouling all of his body. Whoever is not horrified at
such a
monster shall never drink from the same cup with me.
CHORUS (singing)
At times a thought weighs on me at night; I wonder
whence comes
this
fearful voracity of Cleonymus. 'Tis said that when dining with
a rich host, he springs at the dishes with the gluttony of a wild
beast and never leaves the bread-bin until his host seizes him round
the knees, exclaiming, "Go, go, good gentleman, in mercy go, and spare
my poor table!"
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
It is said that the triremes assembled in council and that the
oldest spoke in these terms, "Are you
ignorant, my sisters, of what is
plotting in Athens? They say that a certain Hyperbolus, a bad
citizen and an
infamousscoundrel, asks for a hundred of us to take
them to sea against Carthage." All were
indignant, and one of them, as
yet a
virgin, cried, "May god
forbid that I should ever obey him! I
would prefer to grow old in the harbour and be gnawed by worms. No! by
the gods I swear it, Nauphante, daughter of Nauson, shall never bend
to his law; that's as true as I am made of wood and pitch. If the
Athenians vote for the proposal of Hyperbolus, let them! we will hoist
full sail and seek
refuge by the
temple of Theseus or the
shrine of
the Eumenides. No! he shall not command us! No! he shall not play with
the city to this extent! Let him sail by himself for Tartarus, if such
please him, launching the boats in which he used to sell his lamps."
(The SAUSAGE-SELLER comes out of the house of DEMOS, splendidly
robed.)
AGORACRITUS (solemnly)
Maintain a holy silence! Keep your mouths from utterance! call
no more witnesses; close these tribunals, which are the delight of
this city, and gather at the theatre to chant the Paean of
thanksgiving to the gods for a fresh favour.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! torch of
sacred Athens,
saviour of the Islands, what good
tidings are we to
celebrate by letting the blood of the victims flow
in our marketplaces?
AGORACRITUS
I have freshened Demos up somewhat on the stove and have turned
his ugliness into beauty.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
I admire your invertive
genius; but, where is he?
AGORACRITUS
He is living in ancient Athens, the city of the garlands of
violets.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
How I should like to see him! What is his dress like, what his
manner?
AGORACRITUS
He has once more become as he was in the days when he lived with
Aristides and Miltiades. But you will judge for yourselves, for I hear
the vestibule doors
opening. Hail with your shouts of
gladness the
Athens of old, which now doth
reappear to your gaze,
admirable,
worthyof the songs of the poets and the home of the
illustrious Demos.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Oh! noble,
brilliant Athens, whose brow is wreathed with
violets, show us the
sovereign master of this land and of all Greece.
(DEMOS comes from his house, rejuvenated and joyous.)
AGORACRITUS
Lo! here he is coming with his hair held in place with a golden
band and in all the glory of his old-world dress; perfumed with myrrh,
he spreads around him not the odour of lawsuits, but that of peace.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Hail! King of Greece, we
congratulate you upon the happiness you
enjoy; it is
worthy of this city,
worthy of the glory of Marathon.
DEMOS
Come, Agoracritus, come, my best friend; see the service you
have done me by freshening me up on your stove.
AGORACRITUS
Ah! if you but remembered what you were
formerly and what you did,
you would for a
certainty believe me to be a god.
DEMOS
But what did I do? and how was I then?
AGORACRITUS
Firstly, so soon as ever an
orator declared in the Assembly,
"Demos, I love you ardently; it is I alone who dream of you and
watch over your interests"; at such an exordium you would look like