Than the
performance of our heaving spleens,
I would not wish a drop of Troyan blood
Spent more in her defence. But,
worthy Hector,
She is a theme of honour and renown,
A spur to
valiant and magnanimous deeds,
Whose present courage may beat down our foes,
And fame in time to come canonize us;
For I
presume brave Hector would not lose
So rich
advantage of a promis'd glory
As smiles upon the
forehead of this action
For the wide world's revenue.
HECTOR. I am yours,
You
valiant offspring of great Priamus.
I have a roisting
challenge sent amongst
The dull and factious nobles of the Greeks
Will strike
amazement to their
drowsy spirits.
I was advertis'd their great general slept,
Whilst emulation in the army crept.
This, I
presume, will wake him. Exeunt
ACT II. SCENE 3.
The Grecian camp. Before the tent of ACHILLES
Enter THERSITES, solus
THERSITES. How now, Thersites! What, lost in the
labyrinth of thy
fury? Shall the
elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats me, and I
rail at him. O
worthy satisfaction! Would it were
otherwise: that
I could beat him,
whilst he rail'd at me! 'Sfoot, I'll learn to
conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful
execrations. Then there's Achilles, a rare engineer! If Troy be
not taken till these two
undermine it, the walls will stand till
they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus,
forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods, and, Mercury, lose
all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if ye take not that
little little less-than-little wit from them that they have!
which short-arm'd
ignorance itself knows is so
abundant scarce,
it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a
spider without
drawing their massy irons and cutting the web. After this, the
vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the Neapolitan
bone-ache! for that,
methinks, is the curse depending on those
that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil Envy
say 'Amen.' What ho! my Lord Achilles!
Enter PATROCLUS
PATROCLUS. Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and
rail.
THERSITES. If I could 'a rememb'red a gilt
counterfeit, thou
wouldst not have slipp'd out of my
contemplation; but it is no
matter; thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly
and
ignorance, be thine in great revenue! Heaven bless thee from
a tutor, and
discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
direction till thy death. Then if she that lays thee out says
thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't she never
shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where's Achilles?
PATROCLUS. What, art thou
devout? Wast thou in prayer?
THERSITES. Ay, the heavens hear me!
PATROCLUS. Amen.
Enter ACHILLES
ACHILLES. Who's there?
PATROCLUS. Thersites, my lord.
ACHILLES. Where, where? O, where? Art thou come? Why, my
cheese, my
digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so
many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?
THERSITES. Thy
commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus, what's
Achilles?
PATROCLUS. Thy lord, Thersites. Then tell me, I pray thee, what's
Thersites?
THERSITES. Thy knower, Patroclus. Then tell me, Patroclus, what art
thou?
PATROCLUS. Thou must tell that knowest.
ACHILLES. O, tell, tell,
THERSITES. I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands
Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus' knower; and
Patroclus is a fool.
PATROCLUS. You rascal!
THERSITES. Peace, fool! I have not done.
ACHILLES. He is a privileg'd man. Proceed, Thersites.
THERSITES. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a
fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.
ACHILLES. Derive this; come.
THERSITES. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Thersites is a
fool to serve such a fool; and this Patroclus is a fool positive.
PATROCLUS. Why am I a fool?
THERSITES. Make that demand of the Creator. It suffices me thou
art. Look you, who comes here?
ACHILLES. Come, Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody. Come in with me,
Thersites. Exit
THERSITES. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery.
All the
argument is a whore and a cuckold-a good quarrel to draw
emulous factions and bleed to death upon. Now the dry serpigo on
the subject, and war and lechery
confound all! Exit
Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES,
AJAX, and CALCHAS
AGAMEMNON. Where is Achilles?
PATROCLUS. Within his tent; but ill-dispos'd, my lord.
AGAMEMNON. Let it be known to him that we are here.
He shent our messengers; and we lay by
Our appertainings, visiting of him.
Let him be told so; lest,
perchance, he think
We dare not move the question of our place
Or know not what we are.
PATROCLUS. I shall say so to him. Exit
ULYSSES. We saw him at the
opening of his tent.
He is not sick.
AJAX. Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart. You may call it
melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, 'tis
pride. But why, why? Let him show us a cause. A word, my lord.
[Takes AGAMEMNON aside]
NESTOR. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him?
ULYSSES. Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him.
NESTOR.Who, Thersites?
ULYSSES. He.
NESTOR. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his
argumentULYSSES. No; you see he is his
argument that has his
argument-
Achilles.
NESTOR. All the better; their
fraction is more our wish than their
faction. But it was a strong
composure a fool could disunite!
ULYSSES. The amity that
wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie.
Re-enter PATROCLUS
Here comes Patroclus.
NESTOR. No Achilles with him.
ULYSSES. The
elephant hath joints, but none for
courtesy; his legs
are legs for necessity, not for flexure.
PATROCLUS. Achilles bids me say he is much sorry
If any thing more than your sport and pleasure
Did move your
greatness and this noble state
To call upon him; he hopes it is no other
But for your health and your
digestion sake,
An after-dinner's breath.
AGAMEMNON. Hear you, Patroclus.
We are too well acquainted with these answers;
But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,
Cannot outfly our apprehensions.
Much
attribute he hath, and much the reason
Why we
ascribe it to him. Yet all his virtues,
Not virtuously on his own part beheld,
Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss;
Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,
Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him
We come to speak with him; and you shall not sin
If you do say we think him over-proud
And under-honest, in self-assumption greater
Than in the note of judgment; and worthier than himself
Here tend the
savage strangeness he puts on,
Disguise the holy strength of their command,
And underwrite in an observing kind
His
humorous predominance; yea, watch
His pettish lunes, his ebbs, his flows, as if
The passage and whole
carriage of this action
Rode on his tide. Go tell him this, and ad
That if he overhold his price so much
We'll none of him, but let him, like an engine
Not
portable, lie under this report:
Bring action
hither; this cannot go to war.
A
stirring dwarf we do
allowance give
Before a
sleeping giant. Tell him so.
PATROCLUS. I shall, and bring his answer
presently. Exit
AGAMEMNON. In second voice we'll not be satisfied;
We come to speak with him. Ulysses, enter you.
Exit ULYSSES
AJAX. What is he more than another?
AGAMEMNON. No more than what he thinks he is.
AJAX. Is he so much? Do you not think he thinks himself a better
man than I am?
AGAMEMNON. No question.
AJAX. Will you
subscribe his thought and say he is?
AGAMEMNON. No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as
valiant, as wise,
no less noble, much more gentle, and
altogether more tractable.
AJAX. Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not
what pride is.
AGAMEMNON. Your mind is the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the
fairer. He that is proud eats up himself. Pride is his own glass,
his own
trumpet, his own
chronicle; and
whatever praises itself
but in the deed devours the deed in the praise.
Re-enter ULYSSES
AJAX. I do hate a proud man as I do hate the engend'ring of toads.
NESTOR. [Aside] And yet he loves himself: is't not strange?
ULYSSES. Achilles will not to the field to-morrow.
AGAMEMNON. What's his excuse?
ULYSSES. He doth rely on none;
But carries on the
stream of his dispose,
Without
observance or respect of any,
In will
peculiar and in self-admission.
AGAMEMNON. Why will he not, upon our fair request,
Untent his person and share the air with us?
ULYSSES. Things small as nothing, for request's sake only,
He makes important; possess'd he is with
greatness,
And speaks not to himself but with a pride
That quarrels at self-breath. Imagin'd worth
Holds in his blood such swol'n and hot discourse
That 'twixt his
mental and his active parts
Kingdom'd Achilles in
commotion rages,
And batters down himself. What should I say?
He is so plaguy proud that the death tokens of it
Cry 'No recovery.'
AGAMEMNON. Let Ajax go to him.
Dear lord, go you and greet him in his tent.
'Tis said he holds you well; and will be led
At your request a little from himself.
ULYSSES. O Agamemnon, let it not be so!
We'll
consecrate the steps that Ajax makes
When they go from Achilles. Shall the proud lord
That bastes his
arrogance with his own seam