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Than the performance of our heaving spleens,

I would not wish a drop of Troyan blood
Spent more in her defence. But, worthy Hector,

She is a theme of honour and renown,
A spur to valiant and magnanimous deeds,

Whose present courage may beat down our foes,
And fame in time to come canonize us;

For I presume brave Hector would not lose
So rich advantage of a promis'd glory

As smiles upon the forehead of this action
For the wide world's revenue.

HECTOR. I am yours,
You valiant offspring of great Priamus.

I have a roisting challenge sent amongst
The dull and factious nobles of the Greeks

Will strike amazement to their drowsy spirits.
I was advertis'd their great general slept,

Whilst emulation in the army crept.
This, I presume, will wake him. Exeunt

ACT II. SCENE 3.
The Grecian camp. Before the tent of ACHILLES

Enter THERSITES, solus
THERSITES. How now, Thersites! What, lost in the labyrinth of thy

fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats me, and I
rail at him. O worthy satisfaction! Would it were otherwise: that

I could beat him, whilst he rail'd at me! 'Sfoot, I'll learn to
conjure and raise devils, but I'll see some issue of my spiteful

execrations. Then there's Achilles, a rare engineer! If Troy be
not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till

they fall of themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus,
forget that thou art Jove, the king of gods, and, Mercury, lose

all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if ye take not that
little little less-than-little wit from them that they have!

which short-arm'd ignorance itself knows is so abundant scarce,
it will not in circumvention deliver a fly from a spider without

drawing their massy irons and cutting the web. After this, the
vengeance on the whole camp! or, rather, the Neapolitan

bone-ache! for that, methinks, is the curse depending on those
that war for a placket. I have said my prayers; and devil Envy

say 'Amen.' What ho! my Lord Achilles!
Enter PATROCLUS

PATROCLUS. Who's there? Thersites! Good Thersites, come in and
rail.

THERSITES. If I could 'a rememb'red a gilt counterfeit, thou
wouldst not have slipp'd out of my contemplation; but it is no

matter; thyself upon thyself! The common curse of mankind, folly
and ignorance, be thine in great revenue! Heaven bless thee from

a tutor, and discipline come not near thee! Let thy blood be thy
direction till thy death. Then if she that lays thee out says

thou art a fair corse, I'll be sworn and sworn upon't she never
shrouded any but lazars. Amen. Where's Achilles?

PATROCLUS. What, art thou devout? Wast thou in prayer?
THERSITES. Ay, the heavens hear me!

PATROCLUS. Amen.
Enter ACHILLES

ACHILLES. Who's there?
PATROCLUS. Thersites, my lord.

ACHILLES. Where, where? O, where? Art thou come? Why, my cheese, my
digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my table so

many meals? Come, what's Agamemnon?
THERSITES. Thy commander, Achilles. Then tell me, Patroclus, what's

Achilles?
PATROCLUS. Thy lord, Thersites. Then tell me, I pray thee, what's

Thersites?
THERSITES. Thy knower, Patroclus. Then tell me, Patroclus, what art

thou?
PATROCLUS. Thou must tell that knowest.

ACHILLES. O, tell, tell,
THERSITES. I'll decline the whole question. Agamemnon commands

Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus' knower; and
Patroclus is a fool.

PATROCLUS. You rascal!
THERSITES. Peace, fool! I have not done.

ACHILLES. He is a privileg'd man. Proceed, Thersites.
THERSITES. Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; Thersites is a

fool; and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.
ACHILLES. Derive this; come.

THERSITES. Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command Achilles;
Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; Thersites is a

fool to serve such a fool; and this Patroclus is a fool positive.
PATROCLUS. Why am I a fool?

THERSITES. Make that demand of the Creator. It suffices me thou
art. Look you, who comes here?

ACHILLES. Come, Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody. Come in with me,
Thersites. Exit

THERSITES. Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery.
All the argument is a whore and a cuckold-a good quarrel to draw

emulous factions and bleed to death upon. Now the dry serpigo on
the subject, and war and lechery confound all! Exit

Enter AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES, NESTOR, DIOMEDES,
AJAX, and CALCHAS

AGAMEMNON. Where is Achilles?
PATROCLUS. Within his tent; but ill-dispos'd, my lord.

AGAMEMNON. Let it be known to him that we are here.
He shent our messengers; and we lay by

Our appertainings, visiting of him.
Let him be told so; lest, perchance, he think

We dare not move the question of our place
Or know not what we are.

PATROCLUS. I shall say so to him. Exit
ULYSSES. We saw him at the opening of his tent.

He is not sick.
AJAX. Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart. You may call it

melancholy, if you will favour the man; but, by my head, 'tis
pride. But why, why? Let him show us a cause. A word, my lord.

[Takes AGAMEMNON aside]
NESTOR. What moves Ajax thus to bay at him?

ULYSSES. Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him.
NESTOR.Who, Thersites?

ULYSSES. He.
NESTOR. Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his argument

ULYSSES. No; you see he is his argument that has his argument-
Achilles.

NESTOR. All the better; their fraction is more our wish than their
faction. But it was a strong composure a fool could disunite!

ULYSSES. The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may easily untie.
Re-enter PATROCLUS

Here comes Patroclus.
NESTOR. No Achilles with him.

ULYSSES. The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy; his legs
are legs for necessity, not for flexure.

PATROCLUS. Achilles bids me say he is much sorry
If any thing more than your sport and pleasure

Did move your greatness and this noble state
To call upon him; he hopes it is no other

But for your health and your digestion sake,
An after-dinner's breath.

AGAMEMNON. Hear you, Patroclus.
We are too well acquainted with these answers;

But his evasion, wing'd thus swift with scorn,
Cannot outfly our apprehensions.

Much attribute he hath, and much the reason
Why we ascribe it to him. Yet all his virtues,

Not virtuously on his own part beheld,
Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss;

Yea, like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,
Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him

We come to speak with him; and you shall not sin
If you do say we think him over-proud

And under-honest, in self-assumption greater
Than in the note of judgment; and worthier than himself

Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on,
Disguise the holy strength of their command,

And underwrite in an observing kind
His humorous predominance; yea, watch

His pettish lunes, his ebbs, his flows, as if
The passage and whole carriage of this action

Rode on his tide. Go tell him this, and ad
That if he overhold his price so much

We'll none of him, but let him, like an engine
Not portable, lie under this report:

Bring action hither; this cannot go to war.
A stirring dwarf we do allowance give

Before a sleeping giant. Tell him so.
PATROCLUS. I shall, and bring his answer presently. Exit

AGAMEMNON. In second voice we'll not be satisfied;
We come to speak with him. Ulysses, enter you.

Exit ULYSSES
AJAX. What is he more than another?

AGAMEMNON. No more than what he thinks he is.
AJAX. Is he so much? Do you not think he thinks himself a better

man than I am?
AGAMEMNON. No question.

AJAX. Will you subscribe his thought and say he is?
AGAMEMNON. No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as wise,

no less noble, much more gentle, and altogether more tractable.
AJAX. Why should a man be proud? How doth pride grow? I know not

what pride is.
AGAMEMNON. Your mind is the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues the

fairer. He that is proud eats up himself. Pride is his own glass,
his own trumpet, his own chronicle; and whatever praises itself

but in the deed devours the deed in the praise.
Re-enter ULYSSES

AJAX. I do hate a proud man as I do hate the engend'ring of toads.
NESTOR. [Aside] And yet he loves himself: is't not strange?

ULYSSES. Achilles will not to the field to-morrow.
AGAMEMNON. What's his excuse?

ULYSSES. He doth rely on none;
But carries on the stream of his dispose,

Without observance or respect of any,
In will peculiar and in self-admission.

AGAMEMNON. Why will he not, upon our fair request,
Untent his person and share the air with us?

ULYSSES. Things small as nothing, for request's sake only,
He makes important; possess'd he is with greatness,

And speaks not to himself but with a pride
That quarrels at self-breath. Imagin'd worth

Holds in his blood such swol'n and hot discourse
That 'twixt his mental and his active parts

Kingdom'd Achilles in commotion rages,
And batters down himself. What should I say?

He is so plaguy proud that the death tokens of it
Cry 'No recovery.'

AGAMEMNON. Let Ajax go to him.
Dear lord, go you and greet him in his tent.

'Tis said he holds you well; and will be led
At your request a little from himself.

ULYSSES. O Agamemnon, let it not be so!
We'll consecrate the steps that Ajax makes

When they go from Achilles. Shall the proud lord
That bastes his arrogance with his own seam



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