A Sentimental Journey

by Laurence Sterne
They order, said I, this matter better in France. - You have been

in France? said my gentleman, turning quick upon me, with the most
civil triumph in the world. - Strange! quoth I, debating the matter

with myself, That one and twenty miles sailing, for 'tis absolutely
no further from Dover to Calais, should give a man these rights: -

I'll look into them: so, giving up the argument, - I went straight
to my lodgings, put up half a dozen shirts and a black pair of silk

breeches, - "the coat I have on," said I, looking at the sleeve,
"will do;" - took a place in the Dover stage; and the packet

sailing at nine the next morning, - by three I had got sat down to
my dinner upon a fricaseed chicken, so incontestably in France,

that had I died that night of an indigestion, the whole world could
not have suspended the effects of the droits d'aubaine; - my

shirts, and black pair of silk breeches, - portmanteau and all,
must have gone to the King of France; - even the little picture

which I have so long worn, and so often have told thee, Eliza, I
would carry with me into my grave, would have been torn from my

neck! - Ungenerous! to seize upon the wreck of an unwary passenger,
whom your subjects had beckoned to their coast! - By heaven! Sire,

it is not well done; and much does it grieve me, 'tis the monarch
of a people so civilized and courteous, and so renowned for

sentiment and fine feelings, that I have to reason with! -
But I have scarce set a foot in your dominions. -

CALAIS.
When I had fished my dinner, and drank the King of France's health,

to satisfy my mind that I bore him no spleen, but, on the contrary,
high honour for the humanity of his temper, - I rose up an inch

taller for the accommodation.
- No - said I - the Bourbon is by no means a cruel race: they may

be misled, like other people; but there is a mildness in their
blood. As I acknowledged this, I felt a suffusion of a finer kind

upon my cheek - more warm and friendly to man, than what Burgundy
(at least of two livres a bottle, which was such as I had been

drinking) could have produced.
- Just God! said I, kicking my portmanteau aside, what is there in

this world's goods which should sharpen our spirits, and make so
many kind-hearted brethren of us fall out so cruelly as we do by

the way?
When man is at peace with man, how much lighter than a feather is

the heaviest of metals in his hand! he pulls out his purse, and
holding it airily and uncompressed, looks round him, as if he

sought for an object to share it with. - In doing this, I felt
every vessel in my frame dilate, - the arteries beat all cheerily

together, and every power which sustained life, performed it with
so little friction, that 'twould have confounded the most physical

precieuse in France; with all her materialism, she could scarce
have called me a machine. -

I'm confident, said I to myself, I should have overset her creed.
The accession of that idea carried nature, at that time, as high as

she could go; - I was at peace with the world before, and this
finish'd the treaty with myself. -

- Now, was I King of France, cried I - what a moment for an orphan
to have begg'd his father's portmanteau of me!

THE MONK. CALAIS.
I had scarce uttered the words, when a poor monk of the order of

St. Francis came into the room to beg something for a his convent.
No man cares to have his virtues the sport of contingencies - or

one man may be generous, as another is puissant; - sed non quoad
hanc - or be it as it may, - for there is no regular reasoning upon

the ebbs and flows of our humours; they may depend upon the same
causes, for aught I know, which influence the tides themselves:

'twould oft be no discredit to us, to suppose it was so: I'm sure
at least for myself, that in many a case I should be more highly

satisfied, to have it said by the world, "I had had an affair with
the moon, in which there was neither sin nor shame," than have it

pass altogether as my own act and deed, wherein there was so much
of both.

- But, be this as it may, - the moment I cast my eyes upon him, I
was predetermined not to give him a single sous; and, accordingly,

I put my purse into my pocket - buttoned it - set myself a little
more upon my centre, and advanced up gravely to him; there was

something, I fear, forbidding in my look: I have his figure this
moment before my eyes, and think there was that in it which

deserved better.
The monk, as I judged by the break in his tonsure, a few scattered

white hairs upon his temples, being all that remained of it, might
be about seventy; - but from his eyes, and that sort of fire which

was in them, which seemed more temper'd by courtesy than years,
could be no more than sixty: - Truth might lie between - He was

certainly sixty-five; and the general air of his countenance,
notwithstanding something seem'd to have been planting-wrinkles in

it before their time, agreed to the account.
It was one of those heads which Guido has often painted, - mild,

pale - penetrating, free from all commonplace ideas of fat
contented ignorance looking downwards upon the earth; - it look'd

forwards; but look'd as if it look'd at something beyond this
world. - How one of his order came by it, heaven above, who let it

fall upon a monk's shoulders best knows: but it would have suited a
Bramin, and had I met it upon the plains of Indostan, I had

reverenced it.
The rest of his outline may be given in a few strokes; one might

put it into the hands of any one to design, for 'twas neither
elegant nor otherwise, but as character and expression made it so:

it was a thin, spare form, something above the common size, if it
lost not the distinction by a bend forward in the figure, - but it

was the attitude of Intreaty; and, as it now stands presented to my
imagination, it gained more than it lost by it.

When he had entered the room three paces, he stood still; and
laying his left hand upon his breast (a slender white staff with

which he journey'd being in his right) - when I had got close up to
him, he introduced himself with the little story of the wants of

his convent, and the poverty of his order; - and did it with so
simple a grace, - and such an air of deprecation was there in the

whole cast of his look and figure, - I was bewitch'd not to have
been struck with it.

- A better reason was, I had predetermined not to give him a single
sous.

THE MONK. CALAIS.
- 'Tis very true, said I, replying to a cast upwards with his eyes,

with which he had concluded his address; - 'tis very true, - and
heaven be their resource who have no other but the charity of the

world, the stock of which, I fear, is no way sufficient for the
many GREAT CLAIMS which are hourly made upon it.

As I pronounced the words GREAT CLAIMS, he gave a slight glance
with his eye downwards upon the sleeve of his tunic: - I felt the

full force of the appeal - I acknowledge it, said I: - a coarse
habit, and that but once in three years with meagre diet, - are no

great matters; and the true point of pity is, as they can be earn'd
in the world with so little industry, that your order should wish

to procure them by pressing upon a fund which is the property of
the lame, the blind, the aged and the infirm; - the captive who

lies down counting over and over again the days of his afflictions,
languishes also for his share of it; and had you been of the ORDER

OF MERCY, instead of the order of St. Francis, poor as I am,
continued I, pointing at my portmanteau, full cheerfully should it

have been open'd to you, for the ransom of the unfortunate. - The
monk made me a bow. - But of all others, resumed I, the unfortunate