turns she came up to me, and bid me follow her; `I would speak
with you,' says she, `and by what I shall say you will see I am
your friend.' She stopped here, and looking
earnestly at me;
`You are in love,' continued she, `and because perhaps you have
made nobody your confidant, you think that your love is not
known; but it is known, and even by persons who are interested in
it: you are observed, the place where you see your
mistress is
discovered, and there's a design to surprise you; I don't know
who she is, nor do I ask you to tell me, I would only secure you
from the misfortunes into which you may fall.' See, I beseech
you, what a snare the Queen laid for me, and how difficult it was
for me not to fall into it; she had a mind to know if I was in
love, and as she did not ask me who I was in love with, but let
me see her
intention was only to serve me, I had no
suspicionthat she spoke either out of
curiosity or by design.
"Nevertheless,
contrary to all
probability, I saw into the
bottom of the matter; I was in love with Madam de Themines, but
though she loved me again, I was not happy enough to have private
places to see her in without danger of being discovered there,
and so I was satisfied she could not be the person the Queen
meant; I knew also, that I had an intrigue with another woman
less handsome and less reserved than Madam de Themines, and that
it was not impossible but the place where I saw her might be
discovered; but as this was a business I little cared for, it was
easy for me to guard against all sorts of danger by forbearing to
see her; I
resolvedtherefore to
acknowledge nothing of it to the
Queen, but to assure her on the
contrary that I had a long time
laid aside the desire of gaining women's
affections, even where I
might hope for success, because I found them all in some measure
unworthy of engaging the heart of an
honourable man, and that it
must be something very much above them which could touch me.
`You do not answer me ingenuously,' replied the Queen; `I am
satisfied of the
contrary; the free manner in which I speak to
you ought to
oblige you to
conceal nothing from me; I would have
you,' continued she, `be of the number of my friends; but I would
not, after having admitted you into that rank, be
ignorant of
your
engagements; consider, whether you think my friendship will
be too dear at the price of making me your confidant; I give you
two days to think on it; but then, consider well of the answer
you shall make me, and remember that if ever I find
hereafter you
have
deceived me, I shall never
forgive you as long as I live.'
"Having said this, the Queen left me without
waiting for my
answer; you may imagine how full my thoughts were of what she had
said to me; the two days she had given me to consider of it I did
not think too long a time to come to a
resolution; I found she
had a mind to know if I was in love, and that her desire was I
should not be so; I foresaw the
consequences of what I was going
to do, my
vanity was flattered with the thought of having a
particular interest with the Queen, and a Queen whose person is
still
extremelyamiable; on the other hand, I was in love with
Madam de Themines, and though I had committed a petty treason
against her by my
engagement with the other woman I told you of,
I could not find in my heart to break with her; I foresaw also
the danger I should
expose myself to, if I
deceived the Queen,
and how hard it would be to do it;
nevertheless I could not
resolve to refuse what fortune offered me, and was
willing to run
the
hazard of anything my ill conduct might draw upon me; I broke
with her with whom I kept a
correspondence that might be
discovered, and was in hopes of
concealing that I had with Madam
de Themines.
"At the two days' end, as I entered the room where the Queen was
with all the ladies about her, she said aloud to me, and with a
grave air that was
surprising enough, `Have you thought of the
business I charged you with, and do you know the truth of it?'
`Yes, Madam,' answered I, `and 'tis as I told your Majesty.'
`Come in the evening, when I am writing,' replied she, `and you
shall have further orders.' I made a
respectful bow without
answering anything, and did not fail to attend at the hour she
had appointed me. I found her in the
gallery, with her secretary
and one of her women. As soon as she saw me she came to me, and
took me to the other end of the
gallery; `Well,' says she,
`after having considered
thoroughly of this matter, have you
nothing to say to me, and as to my manner of treating you, does
not it
deserve that you should deal
sincerely with me?' `It is,
Madam,' answered I, `because I deal
sincerely, that I have
nothing more to say, and I swear to your Majesty with all the
respect I owe you, that I have no
engagement with any woman of
the Court.' `I will believe it,' replied the Queen, `because I
wish it; and I wish it, because I desire to have you entirely
mine, and because it would be impossible for me to be satisfied
with your friendship, if you were in love; one cannot
confide in
those who are; one cannot be secure of their
secrecy; they are
too much divided, and their
mistresses have always the first
place in their thoughts, which does not suit at all with the
manner in which I would have you live with me: remember then, it
is upon your giving me your word that you have no
engagement,
that I choose you for my confidant; remember, I insist on having
you entirely to myself, and that you shall have no friend of
either sex but such as I shall
approve, and that you abandon
every care but that of
pleasing me; I'll not desire you to
neglect any opportunity for advancing your fortune; I'll conduct
your interests with more
application than you can yourself, and
whatever I do for you, I shall think myself more than
recompensed, if you answer my expectations; I make choice of you,
to open my heart's griefs to you, and to have your
assistance in
softening them; you may imagine they are not small; I bear in
appearance without much concern the King's
engagement with the
Duchess of Valentinois, but it is insupportable to me; she
governs the King, she imposes upon him, she slights me, all my
people are at her beck. The Queen, my daughter-in-law, proud of
her beauty, and the authority of her uncles, pays me no respect.
The Constable Montmorency is master of the King and kingdom; he
hates me, and has given proofs of his
hatred, which I shall never
forget. The Mareschal de St. Andre is a bold young favourite,
who uses me no better than the others. The detail of my
misfortunes would move your pity;
hitherto I have not dared to
confide in anybody, I
confide in you, take care that I never
repent it, and be my only consolation.' The Queen blushed, when
she had ended this
discourse, and I was so truly touched with the
goodness she had expressed to me, that I was going to throw
myself at her feet: from that day she has placed an entire
confidence in me, she has done nothing without advising with me,
and the
intimacy and union between us still subsists.
III
"In the
meantime, however busy and full I was of my new
engagement with the Queen, I still kept fair with Madam de
Themines by a natural
inclination which it was not in my power to
conquer; I thought she cooled in her love to me, and
whereas, had
I been
prudent, I should have made use of the change I observed
in her for my cure, my love redoubled upon it, and I managed so
ill that the Queen got some knowledge of this intrigue. Jealousy
is natural to persons of her nation, and perhaps she had a
greater
affection for me than she even imagined herself; at least
the report of my being in love gave her so much
uneasiness, that
I thought myself entirely ruined with her; however I came into
favour again by
virtue of submissions, false oaths, and
assiduity; but I should not have been able to have
deceived her
long, had not Madam de Themines's change disengaged me from her