hath been on the wing of all occasions. But
whatsoever I
have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I
am sure, I have received none, unless experience be a jewel;
that I have purchased at an
infinite rate, and that hath
taught me to say this:
'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.'
FALSTAFF. Have you receiv'd no promise of
satisfaction at
her hands?
FORD. Never.
FALSTAFF. Have you importun'd her to such a purpose?
FORD. Never.
FALSTAFF. Of what quality was your love, then?
FORD. Like a fair house built on another man's ground; so
that I have lost my
edifice by mistaking the place where
erected it.
FALSTAFF. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?
FORD. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some
say that though she appear honest to me, yet in other
places she enlargeth her mirth so far that there is shrewd
construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart
of my purpose: you are a gentleman of excellent
breeding,
admirablediscourse, of great admittance,
authentic in
your place and person, generally allow'd for your many
war-like, courtlike, and
learned preparations.
FALSTAFF. O, sir!
FORD. Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend it,
spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so
much of your time in exchange of it as to lay an amiable
siege to the
honesty of this Ford's wife; use your art of
wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you
may as soon as any.
FALSTAFF. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?
Methinks you
prescribe to yourself very preposterously.
FORD. O, understand my drift. She dwells so
securely on the
excellency of her honour that the folly of my soul dares
not present itself; she is too bright to be look'd against.
Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand,
my desires had
instance and
argument to
commend themselves;
I could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
her
reputation, her marriage vow, and a thousand other her
defences, which now are too too
strongly embattl'd against
me. What say you to't, Sir John?
FALSTAFF. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman,
you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.
FORD. O good sir!
FALSTAFF. I say you shall.
FORD. Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.
FALSTAFF. Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall
want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her own
appointment; even as you came in to me her
assistant, or
go-between, parted from me; I say I shall be with her between
ten and eleven; for at that time the
jealousrascally
knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at
night; you shall know how I speed.
FORD. I am blest in your
acquaintance. Do you know Ford,
Sir?
FALSTAFF. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him
not; yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the
jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which
his wife seems to me well-favour'd. I will use her as the
key of the cuckoldly rogue's
coffer; and there's my harvest-home.
FORD. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him
if you saw him.
FALSTAFF. Hang him,
mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will
stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my cudgel;
it shall hang like a
meteor o'er the cuckold's horns. Master
Brook, thou shalt know I will predominate over the
peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come to me soon at
night. Ford's a knave, and I will
aggravate his style; thou,
Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and cuckold.
Come to me soon at night. Exit
FORD. What a damn'd Epicurean
rascal is this! My heart is
ready to crack with
impatience. Who says this is improvident
jealousy? My wife hath sent to him; the hour is fix'd;
the match is made. Would any man have thought this? See
the hell of having a false woman! My bed shall be abus'd,
my
coffers ransack'd, my
reputation gnawn at; and I shall
not only receive this villainous wrong, but stand under the
adoption of
abominable terms, and by him that does me
this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer,
well; Barbason, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names
of fiends. But cuckold! Wittol! Cuckold! the devil himself
hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust
his wife; he will not be
jealous; I will rather trust a Fleming
with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welshman with my
cheese, an Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to
walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself. Then
she plots, then she ruminates, then she devises; and what
they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break
their hearts but they will effect. God be prais'd for my
jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect
my wife, be reveng'd on Falstaff, and laugh at Page.
I will about it; better three hours too soon than a minute
too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! Exit
SCENE 3.
A field near Windsor
Enter CAIUS and RUGBY
CAIUS. Jack Rugby!
RUGBY. Sir?
CAIUS. Vat is de clock, Jack?
RUGBY. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promis'd to
meet.
CAIUS. By gar, he has save his soul dat he is no come; he has
pray his Pible well dat he is no come; by gar, Jack Rugby,
he is dead already, if he be come.
RUGBY. He is wise, sir; he knew your
worship would kill
him if he came.
CAIUS. By gar, de
herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take
your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
RUGBY. Alas, sir, I cannot fence!
CAIUS. Villainy, take your rapier.
RUGBY. Forbear; here's company.
Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE
HOST. Bless thee, bully doctor!
SHALLOW. Save you, Master Doctor Caius!
PAGE. Now, good Master Doctor!
SLENDER. Give you good
morrow, sir.
CAIUS. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
HOST. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse;
to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy
punto, thy stock, thy
reverse, thy distance, thy montant.
Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francisco? Ha,
bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart
of elder? Ha! is he dead, bully stale? Is he dead?
CAIUS. By gar, he is de
coward Jack
priest of de world; he is
not show his face.
HOST. Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece,
my boy!
CAIUS. I pray you, bear
witness that me have stay six or
seven, two tree hours for him, and he is no come.
SHALLOW. He is the wiser man, Master Doctor: he is a curer
of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight,
you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true,
Master Page?
PAGE. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter,
though now a man of peace.
SHALLOW. Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old, and
of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make
one. Though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen,
Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are
the sons of women, Master Page.
PAGE. 'Tis true, Master Shallow.
SHALLOW. It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
CAIUS, I come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace;
you have show'd yourself a wise
physician, and Sir Hugh
hath shown himself a wise and patient
churchman. You
must go with me, Master Doctor.
HOST. Pardon, Guest Justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.
CAIUS. Mock-vater! Vat is dat?
HOST. Mockwater, in our English tongue, is
valour, bully.
CAIUS. By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de Englishman.
Scurvy jack-dog
priest! By gar, me vill cut his ears.
HOST. He will clapper-claw thee
tightly, bully.
CAIUS. Clapper-de-claw! Vat is dat?
HOST. That is, he will make thee amends.
CAIUS. By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for,
by gar, me vill have it.
HOST. And I will
provoke him to't, or let him wag.
CAIUS. Me tank you for dat.
HOST. And,
moreover, bully-but first: [Aside to the others]
Master Guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender,
go you through the town to Frogmore.
PAGE. [Aside] Sir Hugh is there, is he?
HOST. [Aside] He is there. See what
humour he is in; and
I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
SHALLOW. [Aside] We will do it.
PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Adieu, good Master Doctor.
Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
CAIUS. By gar, me vill kill de
priest; for he speak for a jack-
an-ape to Anne Page.
HOST. Let him die. Sheathe thy
impatience; throw cold water
on thy choler; go about the fields with me through Frogmore;
I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a a
farm-house, a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried
game! Said I well?
CAIUS. By gar, me dank you vor dat; by gar, I love you; and
I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de
knight, de
lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
HOST. For the which I will be thy
adversary toward Anne
Page. Said I well?
CAIUS. By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
HOST. Let us wag, then.
CAIUS. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. Exeunt
ACT III SCENE 1.
A field near Frogmore
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE
EVANS. I pray you now, good Master Slender's serving-man,
and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
look'd for Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of
Physic?
SIMPLE. Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward; every
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
EVANS. I most fehemently desire you you will also look that
way.
SIMPLE. I will, Sir. Exit
EVANS. Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling
of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How
melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave's